Father In-Law From My Previous Marriage Woes

posted 3 years ago in Money
  • poll: Should I ask my ex-Father-in-Law to help pay for our wedding?
    Don't do that! How rude! Find another way (comment with an idea?) : (146 votes)
    63 %
    He sounds like he'd be happy to help. Just ask him to help pay. : (8 votes)
    3 %
    It's sort of awkward to ask him to pay for it. A loan would be better. : (67 votes)
    29 %
    Don't even bother getting married. : (11 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6751 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Hmm. I have a VERY good relationship with my former in-laws, but I don’t think I would ever ask them for money- even a loan.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2222 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Sorry but I wouldn’t ask him.

    He sounds like a great guy but he’s also trying to stay in your life for the sake of his grandchild. If it were her wedding, then maybe yes but for your 2nd wedding? Sorry, no. That’s on you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I don’t think it’s really appropriate to ask him for money, even for a loan. It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship with you ex-FIL and in your shoes I’d be really hesitant to jeopardize that in any way.

    You say you need $4k. What is that for, exactly? Is that the cost of the whole wedding, what you owe on various contracts, the price of your dress, or……………?

    Post # 7
    Member
    3756 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I can relate because I’m paying for my own wedding and I have seriously thought about what I would do if I could not find the rest of the money to pay for it. I honestly would just get married at the courthouse and try to plan a cheaper party later on when I’ve had time to save up for it. I would not ask your FIL to pay for it. You can certainly tell him that you are considering cancelling the wedding because you don’t have enough money, and IF he offers to help, see if you can work out some type of loan. But I would cut my losses and walk away if I couldn’t pay for it. I know that’s tough to do, but if you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. 

    If you’ve invested so much money and can’t stand the thought of cancelling it, then are there other areas you can cut down expenses? Have you mailed invites yet? Can you shorten the guest list? Cut on flowers/centerpieces/extras? 

    Post # 8
    Member
    6073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I am of the mindset that you ask no one for money, not even your own parents.  So no I would not ask for a loan or anything from anyone. 

    Weddings are luxuries, so if you truly cannot afford to take your closest loved ones to even a nice dinner, then maybe consider a courthouse elopement?  I know it’s not the #1 option, but you’ll get the same results in the end.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’d try a personal loan from a bank! I definitely wouldn’t ask that of you (admittedly wonderful and generous) ex-FIL!

    Post # 10
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @lochnessy:  No matter how close, I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for money.  You could drop it into casual conversation that the wedding is costing more than you thought and you wish you had some help.  But if he doesn’t offer anything, you’re stuck and need to figure out how to scale back your wedding to fit your budget.  We scaled ours back to $5K even with a week long rental of a beach house included so it can be done.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1584 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @sienna76:  +1… OP you said your entire budget is only $5500 – you’ve been engaged 15 months and have only managed to save $1500? I think you should consider something smaller.

    I would never in a million years considering asking my ex FIL for money to get married to someone else, no matter how good a relationship I have with him.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think it is very inappropriate and has great potential to ruin the great relationship you have.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @lochnessy:  Ok, I see.

    It seems to me that you have a few other options.

    Option 1: Have a small, intimate wedding (You, your FI, immediate family only) at the courthouse. When you can afford it, have a vow renewal/reception to celebrate. (This would probably be the option I would personally choose.)

    Option 2: Postpone your wedding a bit longer until you are able to afford it.

    Option 3: Take out a personal loan to have your wedding now, and pay it off over time later. (In your situation, this would be my least favorite option; but I’m extremely debt-averse.)

    Post # 14
    Member
    1890 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @lochnessy:  I am sorry you’re in this predicament but it would be really inappropriate of you to ask him for money when it’s not any sort of emergency but rather a luxury. Have you considered a courthouse ceremony followed by a nice dinner for immediate family afterwards?

    Post # 15
    Member
    1102 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @lochnessy:  well it soudns like since you knew him since you were 13 its not a normal inlaw sitch 

     

    its like if you met him in ur 20s and he just favored you over his son that would be pretty rude 

     

    however in you sitch its different he was clearly close to your family or you or knew you some how and watched you grow and become the women you are … he likely took you under his wing at a young age … if he is willing to walk you down the isle i comment that the bond you have as family is not a legal one but a deep rooted one form years of time and bonding 

     

    asking might be tricky but i really doubt he find it rude … i do think i ask for it on a loan though just not to make it look weird on the 2 of you later … cause he might get some flack form his family if he just out right gave it to you but if its a loan just pay him back asap good luck

    Post # 16
    Member
    6073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I am very sorry to hear both of your parents passed away. 

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