- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
When I was 7 my parents divorced. This divorce was quite dysfunctional and resulted in the split of the children to avoid the exchange of child support. My twin sister has down’s syndrome and is the absolute love of my life. 🙂 Her and I lived with my father while my older and younger sister lived with my mother. My twin and I survived the angry outbursts and the irrational and impulsive discipline techniques of my father. When I turned 17 I graduated highschool early to join the Army and move away. My guilt followed me for years as I left my twin with him and my step mother who turned a blind eye. It was not long after I left for the Army when my twin had reached out to a neighbor to describe what was happening to her. My step mom was a special education teacher and as you can imagine the allegations made by my twin were jepordizing her career. My father then reliquished custody of my twin and said she was no longer welcome in that house. My mother gladly took her in and my twin nor my mom has spoken with my father since. This was over 10 years ago. Due to the past my twin developed some mental health issues but has been working through them slowly but surely with my mother who is a psychologist.
When my fiance and I got engaged last January I spoke with my father about the preparations which needed to be made so as to not shock my twin or set her back years and years of progress made. He seemed eager to reunite with my twin. So over the months we have been casually talking to my twin about Dad and how he is going to be at my wedding and it was finally time to schedule a time to meet. In order to work out the logistics I asked my Dad if I could give his email address to my Mom to coordinate. His initial reaction was “Absolutely NOT, that is personal information”. I reminded him that she does have his physical address and SSN. Not to mention she is trying to make an effort to not be invasive but realizing this needs to happen for my twin’s well being. I told him to just promise he would think about it and we would reapproach the following week. I spoke with him over the weekend and he said he was not going to come to the wedding. He refuses to face my Mother or work with her at all. He seems to think that people have made up horrible lies about him and told my twin what a terrible person he is. For the record – that is most certainly not the case!!!! Anyway, He blamed my twin for not reaching out to him over the past 10 years. Does anyone else think that is just completely absurd?! Anyway, Im hurt he wont be attending my wedding but even more so, Im hurt he has the ability to turn his back on a daughter so easily. His distaste or fear for my mom is greater than the love of a daughter. Over the years my father and I worked through many of the hurtful things he put us through and he still does not have a relationship with my other sisters. I suppose I had too much hope for who I thought he had become…. Now I feel empty and dont know how to proceed forward in my relationship with him. My love for my twin far outweighs and relationship I have in this world. My fiance understands that as well and is doing his best to help me through this. Anyone else have this happen?? What to do? You never want to lose touch with a parent but how can a parent have such conditions on love? I have this morphed perception I suppose that parents would do anything for the love of a child. Im so saddened by his demonstration of character.