FATHER ISSUES.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry that your father is acting like a child. Sadly, I have a lot of experience with that.

Why not have your stepdad be part of something else? I understand where your dad is coming from, and where you’re coming from – but for the sake of everyone compromising and getting a little bit of what they want, why not try to include your stepdad elsewhere? If it matters that much to have your dad walk you down the aisle, I don’t see why this wouldn’t be a possibility.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry your Dad is being difficult!

But I think you’re making the right choice. Your step-Dad seems to want nothing but your happiness, unlike your bio Dad, who is more concerned with his pride.

Alternatively, could you just walk alone?

Post # 5
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@mandauhhxo:  I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult position! I understand some of the step father/bio father struggles, and honestly it was causing me stress just thinking about it before I even got engaged.  

My advice would be to just have your step father walk yo down the aisle and give bio dad some tough love.  Let him know that you would love to have two such important men by your side, but you aren’t willing to exclude your step father to appease him.  Let him know you hope he can understand and hope he will change his mind, but if he is going to continue being stubborn then you will just have your step father do it.

A little harsh I know, but I don’t think it is a good idea to reward his childish behaviour.

Post # 8
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My advice is to do what you need to, and to forget about your dad. The day is not about him and you shouldn’t let him hog your attention on that day or the days leading up to it.

If you want to see bad dad wedding stories you can check out my post history 😛 been there, done that. 

Post # 9
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mandauhhxo:  Well, you’re looking for advice, but this is up to you. You have to ultimately make the call and be willing to accept whatever consequences or hardships it may bring. (Doesn’t sound like there’s any other way).

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry that you are going through this and your father is acting so childish. Sadly, I am well acquainted with such behavior.

 

We’re getting married in October and I’m trying to decide whether to even invite my father who has, through his foolish narcissitic ways, effectively disowned everyone in the family. Meanwhile, my mother feels that his past behavior entitles her to walk me down the aisle. As I’m over 30 and paying for the wedding myself, I solved the issue by deciding to walk myself.

 

As it pertains to your situation, I understand walking yourself is less of an option because of your anxiety. I guess I have two thoughts….1) Does your mother and father have any kind of working relationship so that she could perhaps reason with your father or is that out of the question?  2) Would it be possible to put it to bio dad that one father will walk you down the aisle, the other will get the official father-daughter dance. He can have one, but not both and he has to chose which.  If your stepdad is ok with this arrangement, it would allow both fathers to have their moment in the sun and be recognized. That is provided such a compromise is ok with you…

 

Post # 12
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mandauhhxo:  “I just don’t find it fair to have my dad; who wasn’t there half as much as my  stepdad, be the one to give me away

Would you mind telling us: (1) How old were you when your parents separated; (2) How old were you when your stepfather came into your life; and (3) What were the custody arrrangements and was your dad happy with them. You say your dad wasn’t there half as much as your stepdad, but sometimes courts are very unfair and give the mother primary custody against the dad’s wishes. Also, was your stepdad “there for you” in your early years more than your dad?

It sounds like your dad is pretty insulted. Depending on the circumstances, I can see why.

Post # 13
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would only have your step dad walk you, if your bio dad is going to be like that. He should put on his big boy pants and agree to share, but he won’t? He’s trying to emotionally blackmail you! So uncool! Pssh, if someone gives an ultimatum like that, I always choose the “Or else” option. 

(I have a bad bio dad, and he was surprised that I would want my oldest brother to walk me instead. I told him too bad.) 

Post # 14
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d still recommend compromise. Weddings are a big deal but in the end, they’re only one day.  In the end, a little compromise may prevent years of pouting and tension between your dad and you/your future husband. You are fortunate that your stepdad is a good guy who understands the lay of the land and is willing to go with the flow.  I really do think that if your bio dad feels like the stepdad has to compromise a little he will be more willing to do so himself.

 

As an aside, another poster a while back worked out a deal with their minister that bio dad walked her down the aisle where her mother and stepdad were waiting. When asked who was giving away “this woman” they all replied “we do.”

Post # 15
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@paula1248:  agree. I think more details are needed. I know some men who are very upset at the lack of time they get in custody agreements.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors