(Closed) Father of the Bride-vent- Kinda long, sorry-please help

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I understand why you aren’t really close to him anymore.  After his behavior when you were a child and not being in your life for most of your childhood, I see why you wouldn’t be as close as you were.  It’s sad that he is dying but I think that he is being sort of vindictive that if he weren’t dying, he wouldn’t go to the wedding because you love your stepfather too.

Is there some other way that you can come up with the money for the caterer?  I really wouldn’t count on your dad paying for it.  I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice for your situation.  I can see why he would be upset but he can’t just be missing from your life and then expect that you will pretend that nothing in your life has changed.

Post # 4
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

here is my two cents for whatever its worth.my dad and i was never close (biologically i may not be his)even a longer story lol. after we grew up my brothers and i moved on with my mom .my dad got ill with diabetes  heart problem and he was also diagnosed a schitso(mental disease runs in my family parternal side.he was alsways in and out of the hopsital and i grew so accustome to this pattern that i hardly would visit when he went to the pshyc ward although i lived like 2 minutes away and he lived live 5 mins away walking.one day he went to the hospital and for some reason i was also at the hospital   had my son with me .i decided to go and see him but they dont allow kids in the ward so i said ill come back another day.i could have left my son at the door and pop in or take him home and com back.in essence i could have done more to see him that day but i didnt make much of an effort.if memory serves me rigt he died the next day or so. when i went to see the body at the hospital he laid on the bed with barely anythng by his be side.he basically looked like he had no one in the world that cared for him.till this day i regret not going to see him or do what i could  to make his time at the hospital easier .i guess i thought it was just another routine trip.i say all this t o say although my dad at times wasnt much of a dad .he did raise me the best he knew how and he did provide while he could.even if u dad survives to the wedding and dont contribute i still think u should allow him to take part because when all is said and done in 5 or 10 yrs you might consider your action of not allowing him to participate because of lack of finacing quite trivial and may have regrets .its best u look back and say he was there than he wasnt.cherish the time u have as best u can.sorry this is so long .good luck

 

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I know this is 2 months after the OP.

I really think you should sit down and tell him your feelings about his absence during childhood, perhaps in front of a neutral third party.  Secondly, don’t expect money especially from someone who’s dying…yeah it’s been 6 years.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Again I know this is two months after your post but I can’t help but respond. As a girl who was once in your shoes I could feel myself turning red from anger and shaking because of the the flood of emotions as I read your post.

 

A little background. I too was a daddy’s girl when I was smaller. My dad did several things that were very inappropriate and didn’t always make the best of choices as a father or husband to my mom. As a result our relationship suffered, in fact it dwindled to almost nothing. I never really cared about him walking me down the aisle and in fact always thought I would walk myself down the aisle.

Fast forward to Nov of 2007 my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Unfortunately after 17 long hard months he passed away. During that time we began to repair our relationship. It wasn’t the best but it was def. a step in the right direction.

Now I am getting married. I would do ANYTHING to have five more minutes with my dad, I would do ANYTHING to even have the option of having him walk me down the aisle. Fighting about money with your dad when you know he is dying is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of. You are acting like a brat (you asked for honesty). Please realize that you too will one day wish for five more minutes. You to will one day wish that you had better maximized every moment, every conversation with your father because you will NEVER get another chance.

If your dad is able to do anything at all be grateful. But please do not waste your time arguing about things that will not even matter when he is gone. I would give up ANYTHING if it meant I could have my daddy give me a way.

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