Post # 1
My mom and dad split up when i was 2 and my step father came into my life when i was 3. my sister and i would have every other weekend with my dad until maybe jr high/high school.. when we were with him he would always say jokingly to call him “uncle” in public and not “dad” he would make a game out of us ducking down in the car when he would see a girl or what not. even after all of that he would still buy us school clothes and birthday presents.. christmas gifts and still would say he loved us.. after jr high, till this day, i really only see him only on holidays and occasionally on birthdays.. he lives about 10 min away from me. he has the same relationship with my daughters as he has with me. he will only see them on holidays and sometimes birthdays.. he doesnt call really to see how any of us are doing.
I know it would mean the world to my grandparents to see their son walk their first grandchild down the aisle and the thought of hurting them kills me. I reached out to my dad a few weeks ago via email to let him know how i feel and told him that i would love for him to be a part of my wedding and that i feel like he doesnt care much. I told him that it was not about the money and just wanted him to want to be a part of it. He ignored me and when he needed something, he called me and acted like he never read my email. I feel like my dad doesnt deserve the respect of having that role with the way he acts. and to ignore my email completely was disrespectful to me.
My step dad on the other hand is a great father figure. and he loves my girls unconditionally. i know it will hurt him as well as hurt my dad to choose one over the other. and im just unsure of what to do. i want to choose my step father, but i dont know if its the right decision. please help.
Post # 3
I’m really sorry you have to deal with this.
I was all ready to click on the “both” option, but after reading your post in it’s entirety, I think you should ask your dad out for coffee and rehash the e-mail to him in person. I would also add that him ignoring it hurt you. I would see how he responds, and if he brushes it off or acts like he doesn’t care, then I think you should choose your step-father, who sounds like he’s been a wonderful father to you. Or, of course, if after confronting him you still feel like it should be your stepfather, then do what you feel in your heart is right.
Wishing you all the best!
Post # 4
@Ms.Caoimhe: thank you for your response! from past experiences, i would prefer not to talk about it in person with my dad since he takes nothing seriously or turns everything around so he is the victim. hes not a very easy person to talk to at all which is why i wrote him the email. im not sure if i should just put that all aside and try it anyway? thank you again 🙂
Post # 5
I too was going to click both, until I read your post. It is your wedding day and it sounds like you have a much closer relationship with your stepfather. If you want your stepfather to do the traditional father things (f-d dance, walking down the aisle, etc) then that’s what you should choose. I do think it would be a good idea to at least include your dad in a few smaller ways. Maybe have him do a reading or a toast, and definitely get him a corsage. Things like that. At the end of the day though, you should be comfortable with the person whos going to be doing the major things with you/for you. And it sounds like your step father is that person to you.
Post # 7
@beth183: Thank you! and yes i dont plan on leaving him 100% out, but what will i say to his family when they tell me that ive done wrong? because thats what they will do.
Post # 8
My Mom’s Dad walked out early on in her life. My Gma remarried but he died before my Mom got married. Before she got married she got back in touch with her father BUT she walked down the aisle with one of her brothers AND did the father-daughter dance with her brother… IDK if that helps at all
PS my Mom’s Dad was at the wedding.. and from what I can tell from comments and theri wedding video he could really care less that he didn’t walk her down the aisle
Post # 9
I have a friend who was in a very similar situation a year ago. Her step-dad really is her father figure… But she still has somewhat of a relationship with her bio. dad…
So, she had her bio dad walk her for the first half of the aisle (door of the sanctuary to the mid-way point of the aisle), where her step-dad stood waiting. Her step-dad walked her from the mid-way point to the altar, also presenting her to her groom. So, they were both involved. However, her step-dad (her true father figure) had the “her mother and I” line and handed her to the groom.
She also did three f/d dances actually… One short, but “normal” one with her bio dad… One short but “normal” one with her grandpa… And one “normal” one and fun one with her step-dad — They slow danced, and then broke out into some fun goofy dances… So, she included both dads – But it was also clear where the deepest relationship was.