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@littlesunbee: Can you do the ceremony sooner in his hotel room with just you two and your parents? Even if it's just a civil ceremony so he can see you married?
What does your FI want to do?
I am so sorry this is happening.
I am so sorry for you both; what a difficult time.
I agree with @KatNYC2011--would it be possible to do the official marriage ceremony privately before the wedding, in his hospital room? You could then do the planned religious ceremony at the wedding itself, but you would legally already be wed. It might be a nice way to have an intimate, family-only ceremony with his father in attendance without placing extra stress on what is already an extremely difficult situation.
My heart goes out to you.
@KatNYC2011: I was going to suggest the same...
@littlesunbee: I am so very sorry you are both going through this... it must be very difficult. I hope that you are able to figure something out that will feel right to everyone.
I agree with the PPs above - perhaps do an official ceremony where he can attend then have the main day as planned? That's if he doesn't have a turn for the worse beforehand, in which case you may need to postpone out of mourning and respect. I am so sorry you are both going through this :(
First of all, so sorry you and FI are going through this.
I second what others have said. Also, I believe most hospitals have a priest/minister available who may be able to help you have the official ceremony there since you said it was a bit of a drive. I would speak to the caregivers - I am sure the nurses in that type of section of the hospital have dealt with many requests of this nature and can help you.
Good luck....
I'm so sorry you are going through this. *hugs* I agree with the pp's. Have a private ceremony with him and then go ahead with your religious ceremony as scheduled. I don't think there is a person out there that wouldn't understand why you did that!!
@littlesunbee: I am so sorry that you have to go through this :( I agree with the PP's on this on. Best wishes to the both of you!
I agree with Kat.
I think it will mean the world to your husband if you were willing to do this.
Hugs to you and your family, especially your husband. I can't even imagine.
Wow, I am so sorry! What a terrible situation to be going through. I would just talk to your FI and see what he wants to do and how he wants to handle things. Again I am sorry and your family is in our thoughts.
I am so sorry for you guys. I understand what you're going through. My sister and I went through similar situation. I would say do a ceremony at hospital maybe the day before the wedding. With just your family. And then have your wedding be like the "vow renewal". That's what my sister did.
My sister got married in destination wedding in 2009 in Key West. My mom had a stroke due to cancer related complications right after she flew down there the week prior to start out her vacation. She was in the ICU and incoherent and unable to speak. A hospice employee that my dad met with at the hospital actually called a Chaplain from their hospice and he came in and did a ceremony in the ICU room next to my mother's bed. She died the next day in hospice and my sister ended up doing a ceremony more like a vow renewal the next day in Key West on the beach. She had spoken with the officiant and explained everything and he was on board. So, my mom got to be in the room when she got married but my sister still did her ceremony that was already bought and paid for. My mom would not have wanted her to waste that money. No refunds would have been offered and my sister's friends were already in Key West for the wedding. It was still a beautiful vow renewal and everything went ok.
The hospital was all for it and actually bought a bunch of stuff for us thinking we were doing it the next day. They bought a cake and gifts. They were so sweet. But we ended up doing it the night before, afraid she wouldn't make it through the night. I'm sure the hospital will be very helpful. It was really the most moving ceremony I could have ever imagined. I think you guys should definitely do the 2 separate ones. I'm so sorry that you guys are going through the same thing. It's very tough, but you guys will make it through. My heart goes out to you and your fiance.
I am so very sorry for the pain and sadness your family is going through. There is nothing we can say to make this any better. But I can tell you that I've been there, and that, despite the pain, you will still feel joy on your wedding day and you will celebrate with him, whether he is physically present or not.
We had a similar situation with my Grandfather taking a sudden turn for the worse only 9 days before our wedding. We decided to do a small ceremony in his room so that he could be present for it, and the plan was for us to have our wedding as planned a few days later. Unfortunately, he went into a coma and passed away just 2 days later. It was horrible. We spent the week before our wedding making funeral arrangements and saying goodbye to one of the most wonderful men that has ever graced this planet. And on our wedding day I could feel him in my heart. It was a day to celebrate love and family, exactly as he wanted it to be. In a time of so much grief, it was good to have a reason to celebrate and laugh.
Only you, your FI, and your families can decide what is best in this situation. For my family, it was best to stick with the original plan, and make my Grandfather proud.
As an aside, the blog "A Practical Wedding" has several wedding graduate posts from fall 2010 that talk about dealing with loss and grief during the wedding planning process and the wedding itself. In those agonizing nights when I was on night shift caring for my grandfather, I found a lot of comfort in reading the words of other brides who found themselves in similar situations. They reminded me that it was okay to grieve AND okay to celebrate. They almost gave me permission to let myself feel happy on my wedding day. Maybe that can help you, too.
http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/03/loosing-a-baby-forming-a-family/ http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/03/wedding-graduates-caitlin-mike/ http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/10/wedding-graduates-tina-morgwn/
@KatNYC2011: Great idea.
I am just so sorry you are all going through this...My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
I am so sorry. Sending prayers and hugs to all. We've had a similar situation. I agree with others too. It is good to be able to grieve and to also celebrate.
What if you do some form of marriage blessing in his room? Have your whole close family come in and have your officiant bless your marriage, your FFIL and all of your family. Use it mainly as a healing tool.
Could you maybe ask your FFIL to write down some words he would like to have said at the wedding and have them read as a speech during dinner or the ceremony so it feels as if he is there? Or just have your FMIL share some stories about their marriage in her speech. Be sure to include a piece of him (such as a handkerchief, a favorite charm of his, a locket with his photo in it, etc...) with each of you for the day.
I'm so very sorry this is happening so close to your wedding. I truly hope he makes it past the wedding. I wouldn't want your actually wedding day to be focused solely on his death.
Oh no. I'm so very sorry! I agree with everyone else. Heck you don't even have to tell the wedding attendee's that you are already married!
Thank you so much for your support.
We got married at the city hall last saturday, it was in the same city than the hospital, but the father of my husband was unable to leave his bed. The mayor refused to celebrate the wedding in the hospital room, because it is possible only if the groom or the bride is hospitalized.
One hour ago the doctors called us to say that the father has a very heavy bleeding, and if they operate him, he will die. My husband (he is a doctor as well) now is doing his best to get his dad transferred to the hospital in our city, where he works. I am so scared that he will not even survive in the next few hours.
@littlesunbee: Hun, I am so sorry for what you are going through... but do as FFIL would wish... Honor him by getting married. My grandmother passed away 3 weeks ago, and we were very close. It's going to be bittersweet, because she was LIVING to see this happen. We are going on as planned to honor her memory. If all goes south, please do what he asks.
My prayers are with you.
My heart goes out to you @littlesunbee: This is just so sad. I hope that he is at peace and I just don't know what else to say. My deepest sympathies.
@littlesunbee: I read an article on MSN about a month or so ago where a bride was in the same situation and she had a laptop set up and Skype'd her wedding for her dying mother and then went to her hospital room the next day in her dress and took photos with her
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Dear bees,
Our wedding is in 4 days, and my fiance's father is dying in hospital from a leukemia and its complications. We know that he won't be able to attend the ceremony, and my fiance does not know what to do. His mother suggested to proceed the religious ceremony in his hospital room. The problem is that the hospital is two hours driving from where the wedding takes place, and all of our guests come from abroad and don't have any transportation. The doctors don't even know if he will survive these 4 days. The father told us that he wants us to celebrate the wedding as planned, whatever happens. I feel so sad, so stressed, especially for my fiance. Any advice would be highly appreciated. Thank you.