Post # 1
My fiance and I got engaged on New Year’s Eve, and the first thing out of his dad’s mouth was, “I will not be wearing a suit to the wedding.” As far as I’ve heard, this is the only thing he’s said about the wedding or our marriage at all.
I don’t know FI’s dad well (I’ve met him 4-5 times), but this is really bothering me. Our parents got together to meet for the first time this weekend, and FI’s mom sat me down and said, “I’m sure this won’t effect your planning in any way, but I just want you to know that Bill will not be dressing up for the wedding. He’ll wear nice pants and a shirt, but not a tie or a jacket. I know it won’t be a big deal, but I thought you’d want to know.”
Fiance is from California and I am from Michigan. The wedding is in Michigan and it’s at a country club with 200 guests, mostly my family! My dad wanted to wear a tux like the wedding party, but now I’m going to ask him to just wear his business suit because I don’t want FI’s dad looking like too much of a schmuck… But seriously? Can’t he at least wear a tie?
I’m trying not to take this as blatant disrepect, but to me it seems like FI’s dad can’t set aside his own sense of “style” for one day to show respect for our wedding and my family, who’s hosting this whole event.
I’m not going to bring it up or make a big deal about it to FI’s dad becasue I don’t really know him that well and I guess it’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things…
I need some advice. How do I keep this from making me feel resentful toward my future father in law?
Post # 3
As much as this sucks and as much as it is upsetting you, you should just let it go. What he wears is in NO WAY a reflection of you. Try not to think about it. He’ll be AT your wedding, that’s the most important thing.
Post # 4
Ugh. That’s kind of ridiculous of him. Do you think it would help if your Fiance talked to him about it? I’d let him know through your Fiance that you’d like him to wear a tie, or a suit or a tux, or whatever it is you really want him to wear. Ultimately, it’s his decision, so once you’ve let him know what’s expected, I’d let it drop and try not to worry about it. Personally, I think your dad should wear whatever he wants. If the wedding party will be in tuxes, he certainly won’t be out of place wearing one if he likes. Your Future Father-In-Law is the one who will look silly.
Post # 5
Please let your dad wear his tux and match the rest of the wedding party, don’t let this man dictate what the FOB gets to wear while walking his daughter up the aisle. Just let your Future Father-In-Law wear what he wants and realize it’s not you, it’s HIM 🙁 Uggg, I would be soooo mad and feel disrespected, but please try to just go ahead what you had already planned and let him wear his dumb outfit! He will look stupid and out of place, but totally his choice!
Post # 6
Do you know what his reasons are? Sounds like a situation Fiance should talk about with him.
In any case, I think your dad should wear what he wants…like owlbride said, Father-In-Law is the one who will look out of place.
Post # 7
I’m going to have the same problem when I get married, but I’ll be having it with my Harley Davidson-loving FGPIL (future-grandpa-inlaw?), so I can kind of relate! Your dad should be able to wear whatever he wants, because really… How many times does your father get to watch his daughter get married? Just because Future Father-In-Law is being a pickle doesn’t mean that you have to surrender the atmosphere that you want! However, I would suggest not doing posed photos with both of the families at the same time if the clashing of the fathers bugs you 🙂
Post # 8
Thanks guys : )
His reason for not wearing a tie or suit is that it’s just not his “style”. FI’s mom told me that he wore jeans to their wedding, so I guess it’s a step up that he’ll wear dress pants to ours…
I’m just having all these visions of my fiance when he gets to be his dad’s age… And having to remind myself that Fiance is not his dad! I might bring it up again with my fiance and see if he can do something about it, if not–we just won’t take any pics with both of our families together! I think that’s good advice.
Post # 9
I think you should let it go, and you should let your dad wear a tux if that’s what he wants! No one is going to judge you or your wedding based on what your Future Father-In-Law is wearing, and he’ll look like the person out of place. There’s not reason to make it into a big deal though.
Post # 10
PLEASE let your dad wear what he wants and let the other man look like a fool if that’s what he wants.
Post # 11
I’ve been to weddings where people have dressed down too much (this summer, fancy reception hall, one guy in cargo shorts and birkenstocks!) and everyone just thought that person was silly for not dressing properly. I agree with the above ladies, let your dad wear what he wants. Why isn’t your fiance or his mom pushing his dad to dress properly?
Post # 12
I say let your father wear a tux. If they ever bring up the “I’m not wearing a suit” thing again, you can simply say “Well, my father is wearing a tux, as is your son and the entire wedding party. If you don’t want to dress for the occassion, I won’t try to force you.”
Ugh, how ridiculous. He needs to grow up.
Post # 13
Just let it go. It sounds like it’s just not him. He’s a grown adult and it is his choice to wear what he wants. I would bring a tie and a sport jacket in his size as a backup if he feels underdressed. Nice pants and a dress shirt will look okay.
Post # 14
We had a sim. situation with my Future Father-In-Law but he relented and is wearing a tux. His choices were tux or suit and the tux would cost less! I think your dad should wear whatever he wants. Unfortunately, Future Father-In-Law will probably never understand how disrespectful it is to not dress appropriatly for one of the most important days of your life!
Post # 15
I agree with having your dad still wear the tux. The way I see it, your dad will be doing a couple of important things. He’ll walk you down the aisle, and have a daddy/daughter dance. Fi’s dad really won’t do anything. An usher can walk your Future Mother-In-Law to be seated. And no one has a special dance with the father of the grom. The worst of it will probably be the pics where the family is all fancy and he’s in a golf shirt or whatever.
And I certainly wouldn’t take it personally since it was the first and only thing out of his mouth, and your Future Mother-In-Law even warned you. It’s who he is. Would be nice if he could suck it up for a day. But I suppose at his age he probably doesn’t feel like he owes it to anybody??
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
We’re going through the same thing right now, and I’m just going to go the “choose your battles” route, as hard as it is going to be. You can’t control other people’s actions, so meh. It sucks tons. I’m right there with ya.