(Closed) Father of the Groom

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My husbands father wore whatever he wanted which was a black and white suite. That’s not a detail that I really cared about to make a big deal. He’s a grown man and can wear what he wants.

Post # 4
Member
4510 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My husband’s father wore whatever he wanted. We didn’t try to make him coordinate with anyone. I think at most weddings I’ve been to the FOG wears whatever he wants plus a boutonniere.

Post # 5
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

The parents are NOT part of the wedding party (including the FoB, but esp. the FoG). He can wear what he wants. If he chooses to coordinate, that’s his choice. He is an adult. His clothing should not be dictated for him.

Post # 7
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@ChocolateLime:  Where are you? I’m confused as to what this “top table” is. If you have very specific circumstances, those things should be mentioned in your post so that you get the best feedback possible.

Post # 8
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrsSonthebeach:  I bet that is synonymous for head table

Post # 9
Member
9061 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ChocolateLime:  I got a bit upset because as far as im concerned he will wear what we tell him to wear in order to match the rest of the bridal party.


Your father isn’t a part of the bridal party. Just you, your bridesmaids and your groom & groomsmen. I understand you want everyone to match, but why force him to wear something he doesn’t want to wear? I’d say let him be comfortable, after all, this is his son’s wedding, too.

Post # 10
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@MLDoddie:  If that’s the case, then I stick to it that the FoG is not part of the bridal party and can wear what he likes.

I was just in a wedding where bridal party spouses sat at the head table and they didn’t have to match just because of where they sat. OP, are you expecting the mothers to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids?

Post # 11
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ChocolateLime:  Not trying to be harsh but really, no one is looking at him and no one cares what he is wearing.  You are the only person who will care and in the end, do you want to start off your new life with your in-laws on a bad foot? If he doesnt want to wear green, don’t make him.

Post # 12
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it’s odd that a few PPs have said the fathers can wear what they want because they’re grown men.  My bridal party comprises of all adults yet we’re asking them to wear coordinating outfits and this is very acceptable.  I don’t believe age has anything to do with this topic.

I think each wedding is different as each bride wants different things.  My FI was a guest at a wedding (nephew of bride, no participation in wedding) and was asked to wear a specific coordinating tie, as were all men in the family, so that the full family photo would be coordinated.  This is kind of an extreme case (in my opinion) but goes to show that a bride can really request whatever she wants on her wedding day. 

In your case, ChocolateLime, I think you were within reason when you requested what your FFIL should wear.  Since it sounds like he’s agreeing to the whole outfit only objecting to the tie color, why don’t you consider asking your dads to wear a different colored tie?  They could wear a secondary wedding color or black/gray/white/some other neutral so that they will coordinate with the whole bridal party but you can also appease your FFIL.  I understand that his refusal is frustrating but I’d just try to calm the waters by compromising as best you can.  

Our dads will be wearing the same suit/tuxes as the bridal party but probably a different colored tie. 

Post # 14
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@ChocolateLime:  Sorry about that – you’d think that he’d be more considerate given as it’s not his day, and it’s only for a couple of hours!

Could you get your FMIL to have a quiet word with him?

Alternatively, could you get your Dad and your FFIL to wear a different coordinating waistcoat? That’d keep them in with the colour scheme and also mark them out as the Dads?

 

ETA: PP, the OP is right – in the UK the FOG and the FOB coordinate with the male wedding party. The wedding party is made up very differently over here from in the US, with no requirements for equal numbers of bridesmaids and ushers (NOT groomsmen).

OP – I hope your FI stands his ground with his parents on this! I hope it works out okay!

Post # 15
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@beeberonibri:  “I think it’s odd that a few PPs have said the fathers can wear what they want because they’re grown men.  My bridal party comprises of all adults yet we’re asking them to wear coordinating outfits and this is very acceptable.”

The difference is that, in America, the parents are not part of the wedding party and the groomsmen and bridesmaids are. You can dictate what adults who accepted the request to be in the wedding wear, but not what other adults wear.

Post # 16
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

I am from the UK and have never ever heard of this.

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