Weddingbee boards

Dear bees,

I feel miserable, although I am a newly wed. 

The father of my husband passed away during the night preceding our marriage. He was fighting a leukemia for a year, but 4 days before the wedding his state drastically deteriorated. We stayed with him in the hospital day and night, hoping that he would wake up and see our union. But G. decided to call him back a couple of hours before our wedding. My father-in-law had clearly and strongly told us to maintain the ceremony whatever happens. So we fulfilled his last wish, by going to the hotel where the ceremony was planned. I had planned every detail of the wedding, a beautician, professional cameraman, special decoration, favors for the guests, meaningful songs, and special food. I wanted to make that day perfect, joyful, and the best memory of our life. We decided to keep the death of the father secret, only my husband's mom and his brother knew. It is with a broken heart and fighting against tears that we got married. We left just after that, after explaining to my parents what had happened. Our guest attended a wedding reception without the bridal couple. We flew abroad on the next day to burry the father. 

I feel sad because of the loss of my FIL, and also because I got married, but feeling that I did not attend my wedding. This special day occurs once in a lifetime, and I missed it. When I think back of that day, two weeks ago, I just cry. My husband's insists on having a wedding reception in a couple of months, he wants me to wear again my wedding dress, have our first dance and go on honeymoon. The problem is that all our money went into this sad wedding, and I just feel that I will never be able again to feel a real wedding feeling, the feeling that overwhelms you with happiness and emotion.

So sorry for your loss. I will say that I admire you and your husband for going through with your wedding as it was a happy spin on a sad day. My wedding had a tragedy of its own, though not with someone related to us, and in the reverse order - it turned our happy day into a sad day. I dare say I almost wish to have had a situation more similar to yours than my own.  A family member's death is always sad and especially with the timing, but with leukemia - it is a blessing for the the sick to be able to be rid of the pain. You missed your reception, and to be honest I didn't even want one. The joyful part for me about getting married was to make our vows to eachother and to celebrate that.  I think you should have your second reception, and I think people will understand. You might be sad that you missed the festivities of your wedding, but I feel like there's a bittersweetness to the fact that you got to do something that your FIL requested. And I think your getting married that day (not the wedding and reception part but the making of vows part) has something extremely romantic and supportive about it. Your husband lost a piece of family that day, and gained one with the support of his father. I think that there is something good to the fact that your FIL is no longer in pain and that you know he would be pleased with your getting married.

In a nutshell, the death on my wedding day was a car accident as a result of human error and not an act of God. It was a man who was 25 years old and in great health. We got to participate in our wedding festivites, but the morning after (the police didn't tell us who was in the accident until the morning after), our joy was turned into sadness as we left the hotel to rush to the hospital to see my barely alive best friend (who was the passenger). I didn't miss our wedding, but I missed the experience of being newly wed. The passing of your FIL was imminent, though the timing was unfortunate. But you got to end the day with something positive that you know he would have been happy about.