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Wow, that's really sweet that he is still trying and practicing. That's amazing.
Is your fiance planning on a dance with his mother? If not, and you both skip it, I don't know that anyone would notice. Otherwise, maybe you could dedicate a song to your dad later in the night and just spend that time sitting with him, not in front of everyone? Maybe that's stupid. I don't know.
I have seen it done where you can both sit in a chair, your arms around eachother and sway, you can move his wheelchair around, or just talk to your parents and find out what exactly he has been practicing. It sounds liek the dance is really important to your dad and even if it is just a short dance, I would absolutely find a way to do it. even if it is a modified dance.
You could go over and see your dad practicing so you know where he is at with it. Don't take this moment from your dad. He obviously wants this so bad that he is practicing a year in advance. It means alot to a dad. Let him do whatever he is comfortable with and just be as understanding and supportive as you can, this one song is his moment as much as it is yours. He must love you so much to go to all the work to make it happen. What a sweet man.
I think you should dedicate a song to him and show a slide show of you two together diff pics and give him a hug<3
My dad also has Parkinson's (diagnosed 4 years ago), but not as advanced in terms of physical limitations. However, my dad broke his shoulder a couple months before my wedding, which led to more difficulties. My honest advice, would be to, if he's able, choose your father daughter dance and have the two of your on the dance floor alone for 30 seconds to a minute-- and use that song to open the dance floor. That way, you two can bow out gracefully, but you still have the memory and pictures of dancing with your dad. --if he's physically capeable.
On the anxiety... boy, do I understand this! My dad has battled panic attacks his entire life and Parkinson's has made so much worse. My dad takes Xanax and, well, popped as many as he needed. He made it through just fine.
I'll never forget our dance-- he cried and told me how proud he was of me. I kept telling him I'd always be his little girl. I really hope you can work something out because it is special.
Also, if your dad thinks he can do it, let him try. Just let your vendors that it may or may not happen. They'll run the show smoothly either way.
This was something we had to consider as well. My MIL is a diabetic, she had an amputation and wears a prosthetic on one foot and is often fighting infections on the other. She is primarily wheelchair bound.
Our first decision was to do a joint dance, we had one song and while I danced with my father, DH danced with his mom. We thought it would be best to take the pressure off especially since we did not know if she would be on her feet. Our DJ suggested that if she was in the chair that DH could hold her hands and swing her around a little. Try looking it up on YouTube for a better idea.
We were extremely lucky, she was on her feet for the walk down the isle, grand entrance, pictures and to dance with her son. If he was holding her up, I was none the wiser.
Maybe your mom is right and your dad will find inner strength if motivated (Dancing with his daughter.) Just keep an open mind, theres no reason you can't dance with him in the chair.
I would talk to your dad about it , maybe you can practice together.. where he stays in the chair so that relieves some stress for you both..
something like this
It's a really stressful situation. Since my dad is non-verbal I'm not even sure he understands we are getting married. If he does speak which is rare, its usually non-coherent. I'm sure that his 'wanting to dance with me' is really my mom holding onto the idea that my dad will have a full recovery and the doctors are telling her this isn't possible. It's a tough spot when you have a very ill parent and the other sees things through rosy glasses!
@mickeees: Well, that sort of sounds like you don't want to have the dance at all-- and that's totally different. In that case, just skip those dances. Nothing wrong with that. When you give your thank you toast, just be sure to acknowledge your parents.
It's not that I don't want it. Because honestly, I do. I just feel like realistically it's not possible and to put that much pressure on a man who can't walk/move/or talk without assistance is a lot of burden. I guess I really need alternatives to spotlight how much my father means during the reception.
Personally I LOVE the idea the PP had...do a slideshow and play it to the song you would have danced to. Sit with your dad and watch it. I'm sure everyone will understand and honestly I'm getting emotional just thinking about how meaningful it would be!
Ask your photog to get special pictures of the two of you watching the slideshow together.
You are so strong and I know this must be really hard! Try talking to your mom about what may be best for your dad, instead of what is best for the "traditions" of a wedding.
@acebride:Thanks for the advice. I'm honestly crushed about his illness. I was super close to my father before all this and now most times he doesn't know who I am. :/
Have your dad stand or if necessary sit still while you dance around him for 30-60 seconds, then have others (maybe the wedding party - then everyone else) join you on the dance floor.
In that case, I love the idea of a picture slide show with a song playing while you just sit with your dad and hold his hand.
I understand the position your mom is in - accepting the permanent nature of something like PD is really...REALLY hard.
As for his language - has he had a neuropsych evaluation? They can assess how cognitively aware he is - and if appropriate, set him up with a communication device. They'd also be able to tell your mom in a sensitive and realistic way what he is and is not comprehending.
@mandypop: She hasn't accepted his condition. It's tough...they are married 32 years this year and she was his best friend. He gets aggressive and sometimes violent which was never his personality prior to this. Plus he is only 60. I'm not sure he ever had a neuropsych eval. He's had so many tests. Recently he was in the ER for a crushed nerve that left his whole left arm atrophed. He can't move it very much now.
I'll ask about the eval. Thanks for that info!
My dad has MS and cannot walk or stand without his walker/chair. For this reason, he did not walk me down the aisle, I walked alone. But my dad really wanted to do a daddy-daughter dance. He talked about it all the time, had the song picked out and everything. While our dance certainly wouldn't win any prizes for technique, we have a very emotional and sweet "dance". We did not move around on the floor, we only swayed and my daddy sang to me and told me how proud ofme he is and I cried and cried. No one thought it was weird. Obviously they all understood why we weren't moving around.
I'm glad I found this thread - I've been wondering the same thing as well. My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease about 10 years ago, he isn't mobile (his muscles have become rigid, so he "sticks" when he tries to move). I've been trying to figure out the same thing. I might do the picture slideshow idea as well. I'm also trying to figure out the logistics of walking down the aisle. I think I am going to walk by myself and meet my dad at the end - I really don't want anyone to "take his place" (or make it seem like someone is filling in for him). :/ Tough situations...
My dad has MS and is confined to a wheelchair also. We got married last August, and he rented out a motorized wheelchair for the day. We ended up doing an evolution of dance for our dance together, starting and ending with "butterfly kisses" and us moving slowly around the floor, and then bursting out into the "YMCA" and other dance moves during the middle. It was absolutely perfect; it showed our personalities and also gave us a special moment together with just us.
Best of luck to you; I hope your day is perfect in every way for you! Bless your family!
I think the best solution may be the slide show. I think your Mom is unfortunately trying to set up a situation which wouldn't be good for you or your Dad. I wonder if trying to do the dance would be stressful for him, reading your OP about his panic attacks- it doesn't seem fair to put him in a situation which would make him uncomfortable. If his condition improves at all and he's able, you could do the 30-second dance, then invite others to join you.
One of the Blogger Bees wrote about this very same thing and her post was beautiful.
http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/11/29/best-of-weddingbee-looking-back-continued/#more-169577
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I'm getting married 8/3/12. I'm so excited for the day with the exception of a major reception pressure/stresser. My dad was diagnosed with progressive Parkinson's about 3 years ago. He needs tremendous help to stand, move, and when in a wheel chair cannot move himself. Since the onset of his disease he has also been plagued with severe panic attacks that cause him to sweat through his clothing, hyperventilate and just plain freak out. He is also almost entirely non-verbal. With that said, my photographer and dj have inquired if we will be doing a father/daughter dance. As much as I have always wanted to dance with my father I cannot see this happening with his condition at present state. My mother is insisting he is practicing and will be ready to go. I can't physically hold my father up alone and am nervous/worried. I know my mom is trying to think positively but I'm freaking. How can I involved my father for this type tradition?