Post # 1
I think I have a special situation that I haven’t found help with yet. Here is a little background:
My parents have been divorced for about 20 years. My mother hates my father with an uncontrollable passion. They had a horrible relationship (acording to my mom). Both my parents have remarried and did so soon after the divorce. Both are very happy in their current marriages. I didn’t have a very good relationship with my father growing up and didn’t see him often. My step-father helped fill the role but I always struggled to have a relationship with my bio father. My step-father was always good to me and accepted me as his daughter.
In the past 6 or 7 years, I have repaired and have a wonderful relationship with my bio father! We have mended our fences and love eachother very, very much. Sadly, a few years ago, he found out he has cancer. His health isn’t very good but he tries to keep a happy outlook.
My problem is I had to decide who would walk me down the isle. I chose my bio father. My mother is devistated. She says my step-father is crushed. Since the decision, she also stated that she doesn’t want to even be metioned in the ceremony if my father is going to be walking me. She is telling my sister that I will be making a huge mistake and that everyone is going to hate my bio father at the wedding (which isn’t true).
I know that people say it’s not my mother’s wedding and I need to focus on myself. But it is really hard since she was the one who truly raised me. Did I make the right decision? Should I walk alone and dissapoint my bio father too?
Post # 3
Is there any way that you could be walked by both? Maybe one walks you halfway and the other walks you the other half? I understand that your stepfather might be hurt because he did help to raise you for most of your life but your biological father is your father as well.
Post # 4
can they both walk you? like bio dad walks you half way and trades off to step dad? or how about eliminate both dads and walk with mom?
Post # 5
Haha FutureMrsMorgan we thought the same thing!
Post # 6
I know this is very hard. I have a similar situation and can relate. I would say like most, do what you want to do it’s your wedding. They will all get along that day for you because they all love you. If you want your bio father to walk you down, have a special stepfather/daughter dance at the wedding. Just try to include them both in some special way. It will all work out! Good luck.
Post # 7
I think Mrs.Morgan has the right idea in this situation. Might be best to walk with your mom, or alone.
Post # 8
Oh no! I’m so sorry – I totally understand the difficulties of balancing between parents who vehemently dislike each other. (I’m trying to figure out how I can keep my mom and dad seperated for the duration of the wedding festivities). 🙁 Can you try explaining to your mom that it is really important to you to have your father walk you down the aisle and that you don’t mean it as an affront to your step-father? Maybe you could talk to your step-father too and explain to him why this is important to you. Maybe you could do something else to honor your step-father?
Also, would your biological father not come to the wedding if he wasn’t walking you down the aisle? Her argument that “everyone is going to hate [your] bio father at the wedding” doesn’t seem to make sense if he was still going to be coming to the wedding.
I’m sorry this is so frustrating. 🙁
Post # 9
I was actually going to say the exact same thing as MissAsB and FutureMrsMorgan. I like idea of one walking you 1/2 way down and trading off. Perhaps the man who walks you down first will then follow behind so if you’re having your officiant ask, ‘Who presents this woman for marriage’ maybe they can both say, ‘We do.’
Just a thought.
Post # 10
Didn’t one of the bees do the half and half walk like you guys are suggesting? I feel like I remember that. You could always have them both walk you at the same time (but I’m not sure if that would also cause more tension). Maybe sitting down with your mom and explaining it carefully, telling her your feelings would help? I know if I sat down with my mom and explained to her how important this was to me and why I changed my mind she would be understanding.
I’m sorry this is hard for you. My fiance’s parents are divorced and he is constantly put in the middle, it hurts so much. You will figure it out.
Post # 11
Thanks for the advice guys. I really want my father to walk me all the way down the isle. My mother prevented my father from even attending either of my sisters weddings. She didn’t want him there and my sisters eventually complied. Besides, I finally have a relationship to be proud of with my father. He probably won’t live much longer, so this is his chance to participate in his daughters wedding. BTW, the only person who dislikes my bio father is my mother. I will definately have a second father/daughter dance for my stepfather. My mother would forbid my stepfather from walking me half way. My mom is going to make me miserable because she can always get everyone to do what she wants but I refuse to let her this time.
Post # 13
You should have them both walk you down the aisle. They should both be honored that you asked and agree to it. If your mom has such a problem with it you need to talk to her and stress that this is your big day and she is the only person ruining it.
Post # 14
I would have them both walk you down. You need to explain to your mom that just because she HATES your father, doesn’t mean that you do. And at the end of the day, your wedding is about you, and she can’t tell you what you can or can’t do for that day.
Post # 15
Can you talk to your stepfather about it and figure it out with him? It seems to me that his opinion matters more than your mom’s in this situation. Maybe he’ll be more understanding than she is. If you get him on your side and your mom sees that he is not upset, she may come around as well.
Post # 16
I agree with the other posters – I would get them both to walk you – I like the half and half idea and you can even get your mom to walk with you on the part with your step-dad to include everyone!