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A lot of brides today are considering giving a donation to a charity in lieu of a traditional favor. I'd like to get everyone's opinions on this. I think some people see it as giving their gift away for them. As a wedding guest, what do you think?
I personally think that favors are a waste of money. But that is only now that I am the bride and I actually know how much all of this stupid stuff costs!
Yeah, the favors add up so quickly. Paying $2 for a cheesey toy is no big deal but multiply that by 100-200+ guests and... ugh. We are doing caramel apples but I was hesitant because I feel like... we're already feeding people for rehearsal dinner (semi-DW), wedding apps and dinner, and dessert. But I fell for the cute packaging I came up with :) Anyway I was THIS close to doing donation instead. I'm all for the donations.
I read your other post about honoring your father, and I think it's a great idea. I'm interested in how it works, exactly. Do you have a sign that says "in lieu of favor's we've donate X to the cancer society"?
I really like the idea! The FI and I are really active with the county Humane Association and anyone who knows us at all knows this we're especially concerned with the kitties at the shelter there's so many up there and both of our furbabies are shelter rescue kitties. My plan is to take pictures of the kitties from the shelter and put them at the table as the cards with a little message saying something like: "Since we're starting our new life together and in honor of all the friends and family we have here today we've decided to give some furry friends a chance at a new life with a new family. A donation has been made in honor of all our friends and family to CCHA" then maybe give away little kitty figures or something so they still have something tangeable to remember our wedding.
My father is actually still living, I was just using that as an example because the person who started the thread was in that situation. But if I go the donation route, I will probably donate to THON, a huge philanthropy for kids with cancer at my and my FI's alma mater.
I think it would be neat to tell a story behind why you are donating to a certain charity (maybe to convince the people who would have rather gotten a favor). I think it's not only an awesome way to use your wedding to make a positive different in the world (even if it is just a small one) but it is also a way to share some personal about the bride and groom with the guests. But I don't think you need to put the amount donated. I also don't think it needs to be stated "in lieu of favors", but you can if you want. I don't know if there are rules for this sort of thing, hence the poll :)
I can't believe people come to weddings expecting favors. Do people really think, "This is a great party, but man, where is my favor?" I guess each person has their own idea about what a wedding should be!
IMO, giving a donation in lieu of favors is not a good idea. If you want to take the money and donate it instead of having favors, then do so. But there is no reason to announce the donation to your guests as their "favor". It comes off as self-congratulatory/smug. How do you know what causes or charities yor guests support? If you want to give your guests a small gift, then do it. If you want to make a charity donation, do it. But don't mix the two together and pass off the donation as a "gift".
I don't know about you guys - I've thrown some of my favors away that I've gotten from weddings. And I've always felt bad about it - but I have no use for them!
We went to a wedding where they said that in lieu of favors they had made a donation to support Epilepsy research- which was neat because the groom has epiliesy. I thought it wa smuch better than some trinket.
I didn't vote, as nothing quite fit my personal opinion. I'm more of a 'give an edible favor, or a donation, or nothing'. I'm ok with all of those! Although I loved your wedding...I don't need coasters to remind me of it.
I think that the meaning of the donation would be lost if you did both a donation AND a favor....so I'm against that.
I think iff you feel passionately about donating to a charity that has significance to you as a couple or your families, then perhaps a nice note in a program or on a small card on the table is appropriate. Perhaps something that says "In honor of ____ we have donated as a couple to XYZ Charity." OR, I saw somewhere (either here or on another wedding blog) where I think the couple had three different boxes set up representing three different charities and guests got to drop a token into the charity of their choice and I THINK the couple donated money based off that. So that way guests can participate and feel like they are helping contribute, especially since you're kind of saying you're donating FOR them instead of giving them a favor. I don't know. I'm kind of torn. I've been to weddings where they do the "in lieu of a favor we have donated to ____" and weddings where they flat out didn't give favors. I kind of preferred just the absence of the favor.
I've been to a wedding where the couple donated money to a scholarship fund set up in memory of the groom's father as "favours". I thought it was a nice gesture, and didn't miss not getting a little cup of candy or whatever.
Don't get me wrong, I love me some sweet candy and am a huge fan of candy buffets, but a charitable donation in lieu of favours doesn't offend me.
I didn't vote, either, as none of them fits my opinion, though I'd vote "hate the idea" if I HAD to, but I don't need a favor, either. I never liked the donation idea "in lieu" of favors; hated it as a guest. In my opinion, if you are going to give a donation, do it, but don't involve your guests into it, as it has nothing to do with your giving favors to the guests. I don't see how a donation is a "gesture of appreciation or gratitude to guests".
I also understand the budget and how it might be viewed as a "waste of money", and if I go to a wedding, it's perfectly fine if there are no favors, either. For my own wedding, I might or might not have favors, but definitely NO donations. (My FI hates the idea, too, and feel the same way I do.)
I know I am in the minority on this one, but it's just my personal opinion. :)
Personally, I'm not a fan of the "a donation has been made in your honour" cards. If you want to make a donation, that's awesome, but I don't need my own card telling me that you did so. I feel bad for wasting the paper. Favours are a really nice gesture for your guests, as well, but I don't think people will miss them if you don't have them.
An idea if you want to do both a donation and favours: my FI and I went to his cousin's wedding last year. His family goes NUTS over clinking their glasses to get the couple to kiss, so instead of allowing that, they set up a donation box. If you wanted the couple to kiss, you had to put in some change. My table put together $20 for the box and he dipped her almost to the floor! It was a lot of fun and it all went towards cancer research :)
Honestly, I can't understand why people would think this is a bad idea or 'self-congratulatory'. My grandmother suffered from alzheimer's for many years and it was extremely painful for my family, and based on our history it is likely someone else in my family will have it as well. In memory of my grandmother, we will be donating money to the Alzheimer's society since she is no longer here to share in my wedding day.
I don't think there is anything wrong with making donations in someone's name. My sister often gives my parents gifts in the form of certificates that show she donated their would-be gift money to buy mosquito nets or goats etc. for communities in Africa. I've been to a wedding where they did this before and I felt lifted that the money they would have spent on something I really didn't miss went to a good cause.
@Littlelynx - I've seen that done too and I liked it a lot!
i think like most things it is a regional difference. here guests would be quite put off if they thought the couple gave them nothing as a favor. i think something should be said especially if the donation given supports someone who is no longer there, for example the bride's mom or groom's dad or if it was a cause close to the couple's heart. i personally think it's a great way to remember the person and think how cool the couple was to do it. you never know someone else may be getting married and may be considering a plastic cup with candies in it and think hey you know what i can donate to someone who needs it because it will go a lot further than three hersheys in a cup.
I am with Brianalaura, I don't see how it is self-congratulatory or smug to give a donation in lieu of a favor. I saw it last year at a friend's wedding- they had a cute little sign in the middle of the table saying they donated money to schools in Africa (they are teachers in China) in lieu of favors. I didn't even notice there were no favors until I saw the sign.
I liked the idea so much, I'm using it at my wedding. We're donating money to Donate Life Minnesota in honor of my cousin that passed away two years ago. I'm not forcing my beliefs onto anyone by doing this - I'm just remembering my cousin that won't be there on my wedding day.
How is that smug or self-congratulatory? Honestly, if home made cookies are that important to people, I'll tell them where the nearest bakery is.
Someone had suggested having a couple different charities to choose from and letting people decide. Say why you picked each charity and let guests pick one to donate to in their honor.
We will have a sign next to pictures of our cat and dog letting guests know that instead of favors we made a donation.
Charitable donations are a wonderful thing. That is not what anyone is objecting to. Espescially if its in honor of a family member or someone close. It's the announcing that the donation is "in lieu of" a favor. If you want to make a donation to a charity commemorating your day, then just say "To commemorate our day, a donation has been made to _____ ". Or just do the donation with no announcement about it. A favor, by defintition, is a gift given as a gesture of appreciation to your guests. They are not necessary. So, to say, "we were going to get you a gift, but decided that X,Y,Z was a better place to spend the money", comes off as offensive to some people. It's really only the "in lieu of" that's the issue.
Maybe this discussion can shed some light on why a few of us feel this way:
Actually, the donation is made on behalf of your guests, so it is a gift.
How is it self-serving to donate to kids with cancer?? seriously???
Arizonabride, do you think, "we were going to give you a gift, but instead of giving everyone some additional chocolates after giving you a dinner and open bar, but I thought I a family with a child with cancer to help pay for medical bills was a better way to spend the money." Who would disagree with that??
I think it's fine to donate and let people know... I think alot of people overthink it, though, or maybe I'm just underthinking it. You could do a token system and let people put their tokens in whatever jar they want to donate to.
Jacqi, please pay attention to the tone you're using. I know you mean well but your post came off as a little aggressive! Thanks! 
No, that is not what I am saying at all. If you want to do favors, do favors. They are unnecessary for a wedding. A nice gesture, but unnecessary. A donation is not a gift, therefore not a favor. And a charitable donation is not usually announced to the world for anything other than the purpose of "crediting" the donor. It is self-serving to go through the effort to write up on little cards for each of your guests telling them that you made a donation instead of giving them a favor. If you want to make a donation and announce it somehow, it would be more polite to be done as "to honor ____ we have made a donation to ____" or to "In commemoration of our day, a donation has been made to _____". Put it in the program or in a frame.
If you follow the link and read some of those posts, you will see that I'm not the only person that feels this way. I knew I would get flamed here, but I'm not objecting to donating to charity. I'm only objecting to the announcing to all of your guests that you did it instead of giving them something that was unnecessary in the first place.
@Arizonabride - I totally know where you are comng from, but can't really articulate it nearly as well. I don't really get the donation as favor thing either. Donations are great, but I don't see it is a way to thank your guests for coming. No one is making you give out favors, so I don't get the whole "in lieu" of thing....you could have given up a fancy dress, or your photographer to donate to a charity - but instead you gave up something for your guests??
Not that I think 99% of favors are all that great either though :) I would never ever mind going to a wedding with no favor. I find them generally wasteful.
@Janna- I disagree. I think you articulated it quite well! When it comes to favors, I'm in the "go edible, or go home" camp!
Im with KMSULL, BRIANALAURA and JACQUI... i dont see anything wrong with it either, I think its very sweet when people make a charitable donation instead of giving me something I'll never use or some candy that I dont need. Id rather it be donated, it makes me question anyone who would rather have the candy/favor, etc.
haha, thanks! I just read that thread you provided a link to - I liked the question of whether a bride would appreciate a donation instead of a gift. I think the answer is only yes if it was a charity that was important to the *bride*, not the gift giver! (which is the opposite of what most people do for this in lieu of favor thing - a charity that is important to the "giver" aka the bride/groom not the receiver aka the guests).
ArizonaBride, I think the issue is that although you may see favours as unnecessary, many people *expect* to receive favours at a wedding. Some people might say "oh, how cheap, where are my favours?", just as crebre80 pointed out. So many people choose to make the announcement showing where the money has gone.
And a donation made on your behalf IS a gift. Not all gifts are material items for people to take home (or throw away!) Maybe your definition of a gift is different than those of us who see it this way?
Favors are a total waste of money (unless edible) IMO. I have about 65 little candles from a friends wedding that I got Dumped with bc no one else wanted their "favors". Now I use them to light my pumpkins up at halloween LOL
And FYI, if someone I loved donated to a charity near to their heart on my behalf instead of giving me a wedding gift, I would be very happy.
Okay woo-sa everyone!! AZbride shouldn't get flamed at all because those of us that think a card is appropriate are actually in the minority on this one. And to this I say to each his/her own on this!! I don't think any poster on here is saying that giving a donation is incorrect. Everyone agrees (64% as a matter of fact) would rather have a donation, the rest are minor details...
I had a post that also related to doing a donation in lieu of a favor. In my case and in my thought favors are soo expensive for what you get and if we were to do a favor it would be even more expensive so that it was something useful and not just thrownin the garbage like mmost people do.
For us, my father passed away in January from cancer and I want to incorporate him into our wedding without it being to emotional for me and the guests so we were thinking of doing a donation in his honor (how exactly to get that point across we have not yet decided) but in addition to that I would like to do a small bag of customized M&M's with our last name initial on them but that all depends on how much that costs as well as our budget is limited....
The idea is great and it is your day and the guests are coming to celebrate your love with your Fiance so getting a gift in lieu of a donation, I do not think they would mind. If you could do something small in addition then great I am sure they will appreciate whatever you decide. You and your fiance know the guests the best and will be able to determine if you should or should not do a favor in addition and what they may or may not prefer. It also depends on what your budget allows for and what to compromise on.
ok, I suppose I used too many question marks - sorry about that... and my last post didn't even make sense. I was really reacting to the comments in the link provided by Arizonabride.
People in the eastern US generally expect favors, so I didn't include an option for no favor at all in the poll, assuming everyone would expect some sort of favor.
Thanks for all of your votes and comments!
Jacqi-- I'm pretty much in the same area as you, and no one even thought twice about the fact we didn't have favors. In fact, there are tons of leftover favors at every wedding I've ever been to...
I think the favor donation is a really good idea, especially if the bride, groom, or an immediate family member has overcome an illness or something. It really brings personality to the wedding, and it's a way of honoring that person.
For example, one of my husband's cousins is getting married next years, and she's a non-Hodgekins survivor, so her favors will be green wristbands and a donation made in each guest's name. I think it's really cool, and while I love tiny boxed chocolates, this is more appropriate. I think when it comes to favors, the bride and groom have every right to donate to a charity. It's their money, afterall.
I'm NOT in favor, however, of registry charities, but that's a whole other story :)
I'd love to do a donation, but I think we're having cookies as a favor. We'll see how much the cookies are (my mom's boss will do them for us), and if it's cheap enough we'll donate some money to our local shelter-where we got our dog. I saw somewhere where they gave out dog biscuits-which I would LOVE to do, but probably not if we're doing regular cookies too.
Hi all,
I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but I'd like to come down on the side of not doing donations as favors. I really like the idea of commemorating your wedding day with donations; I like the idea of giving your guests favors. But I don't think they should be combined.
I don't think you can give a donation as a present unless you are quite sure that a) the person wouldn't like a personal gift instead, and b) it is a cause they (the recipients, not the givers) feel strongly about. For instance, someone who loves owls should not "give" people owl preservation certificates instead of christmas presents, unless the recipients also love owls.
A gift is a gesture of thoughtfulness or thanks with the recipient's pleasure or interests in mind -- giving the money to a third party doesn't benefit the recipient (see owl-loving recipient exception above).
What does seem cool is requesting that someone donate to your favorite charity in lieu of giving YOU a gift. As in, "Aunt Sally, please just give me an owl certificate instead of a present this year," or "Dear guests, we don't really need more dishes, but we'd love a donation to lung cancer research instead." That's appropriate, because you are making a sacrifice of gifts (dishes) in lieu of a donation to your charity of choice.
I also like the "Kiss for a Cause" idea, and will probably do it. 'You want to interrupt my dinner to have me kiss my FH in public?? Pay up!' 
@Briana- "And FYI, if someone I loved donated to a charity near to their heart on my behalf instead of giving me a wedding gift, I would be very happy."
Even if it's a charity that you don't support?
I agree with some other posters, I don't have a problem with anyone giving a charitable donation in honor of their wedding...but I don't really see how it's a gift to the wedding guests, especially when it -could- be something the guests don't support.
We're donating. For two reasons. A) It's breast cancer awareness month. B) It's personal to every guest that is attending since someone on each side of the family has had breast cancer.
My mom was skeptical at first but once I told her that every guest at our wedding is somehow connected to breast cancer one way or another, she changed her opinion. I can understand if my Fiance and I decided to donate to the ''Under Water Basket Weaving Foundation''.... But then again, who is to say that one charity is better than another..?
I think the big discussion here though is whether to announce it or not. We are, because again, this involves and touches each guest that will be there. My fiance and I weren't like "Ooo lets do a donation and let everyone know so they'll think more highly of us''. It's raising awareness for such a good cause.
Good deeds do not have to go unnoticed. I see it especially in churches, when a member or business donates money to the church their name or company gets ingraved on a little metal plaque. Is that wrong? No.
I'm sorry, but it's wrong to assume that people who write ''in Liue etc etc...'' are just seeking personal gratification...
@poppyseed- I totally agree with you about good deeds not going unnoticed. It is the same with a charity 5k run, a charity bakesale, a charity dinner, etc. Also, I think this sort of thing helps to bring awareness to the charity.
@miss sequoia- you make a good point about what a gift is supposed to be, and that is exactly my problem with the favors. getting 200 people the same $2 trinket or chocolates is not personalized at all. you can't possibly have everyone's interests in mind when getting 200 people the same thing. Even if 75% of the guests want the favor and take it home, that is still $100 wasted, which could have gone to a good cause.
In the end we will probably do a donation with some sort of traditional favor.
Our favors were a big hit! They were chocolate! Since our wedding on Saturday, people are calling to ask if I have more!
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