Post # 1
My FBIL and FI’s sister have asked us both if they are going to be in the wedding, I am not particularly close with his sister, she is great but we dont get together or talk on the phone except when we are at his parents house. And FBIL is incredibly rude and uses the “N” word and “Fagg_ _” quite frequently, even around their kids! I am not sure why they expect to be in the wedding party and why they think we are having a flower girl and ring bearer when we don’t even want kids at the wedding. The trouble is…I am very close to my brother and his wife and I was in their wedding and I want my other sister in law in the wedding…does this mean we have to have them in the wedding, and have their kids as flower girl and ring bearer? How can I tell them politely we arent having them in the wedding party or children at the wedding? Any and all input would be appreciated.
Post # 3
I don’t think so. I’m having only one sister in law in my party and she is my best friend. If you don’t want kids at your reception/wedding then make it clear. You don’t have to have anyone in your party that you don’t want.
I have no idea how to politely tell them you don’t want children there. We have 5 kids between us so there will be a bunch of kids at ours, but that is us.
Post # 4
We informed our guests that we are having an adult only reception. This was printed on our invitations and wedding website. I’m not sure a polite way to tell the FBIL and sister that they are not in the bridal party, but I wouldn’t add them to avoid being rude. If you don’t want them in it then don’t have them. You don’t want to have them in the party and then your FBIL says something rude and embarrasses you. It’s your wedding and they might be upset but you have to do what you are comfortable with.
Post # 5
Ugg. I don’t envy you this one. See I don’t think you should have to have them in your wedding party. You say you’re not close. However, what would happen if you had the other couple and don’t ask them? Will it cause a rift? It doesn’t necessarily have to be ppl acting like babies. Could they just be distant from you and FI? Could they just never quite open up because they feel like you both aren’t all that interested?
If it was me, I’d probably ask them. You say they’re nice. (So it sounds like your not being close is because of the distance, not personality differences.) It would be a great way to start a good relationship with your new SIL. So if you think she’d be a decent BM, it might make sense. (These ppl are family, which means you could very well end up seeing more of them through the years then your friends.)