FBIL Demanding to be a Groomsman

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

@Daisy_Buchanan007:  “So how do you tactfully and gracefully deal with someone who is throwing a temper tantrum about not being in the wedding party without committing an etiquette faux pas yourself?”

 

You hand him a diaper and a binky, and tell him he can also be a ring bearer, since he wants to act like a child.

Seriously! How old is this guy? “Tell Mom”? WTF!

ETA: Okay, head this off with your FFIL/FMIL – have a dinner with them, let them know little Mikey is upset he isn’t a groomsman. Explain that you and your fiance have discussed the issue at length, and because of little Mikey’s rude behavior toward you, you both felt it was important to have those who SUPPORT your relationship stand up for you on that day, and that is more important to you both than ‘appearances’ like what Mikey is concerned about. It’s your wedding; he can pick his own posse on his big day.

Post # 5
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

@Daisy_Buchanan007:  (hug)

This is why I LOVE my guy … he might not always have the balls to say something like that either, but he respects that I do, and that I will not tolerate BS – be it from my own family or his. 

Good luck! Your fiance just needs to realize that he (with you) made a decision, and he needs to be prepared to defend it if needed – you can either be proactive and let the parents know now, or wait until they call him in a tizzy chastizing him for hurting his wittle brothers feewings. I tend to be proactive to ward off the drama.

Post # 7
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

@Daisy_Buchanan007:  Well, unfortunately it is not an honor he as EARNED! Was he a “gimme” baby growing up, and his mom and dad indulged it? That tends to be the case with people who want things they don’t deserve/didn’t earn.

Either way, glad your fiance is sticking to his guns! Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is such a tough position.  My fiance also didn’t include his brother in the wedding party and we have gotten a lot of flack for it.  Many people seem to think that we violated the standard of etiquette by leaving him out.  If your fiance’s family is close this might cause problems not only with his brother and parents, but with his extended family as well.  

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