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I love my future Brother in law. He is a fun, energetic, creative and exciting person to be around. But, right now, I am really struggling with my relationship with him.

Part of my issue is that I am an only child and have never had a sibling relationship. Now that I am marrying my wonderful FI, I am gaining a brother and a sister. FBIL and I are the same age and have somewhat similer personalities. Because of this we get along very well and have been good friends. Unfortunately, he has been struggling with depression (which he denies) and is begining to exibit behavoirs that indicate the beginings of alcohal abuse. 

FI and his siblings grew up in a loving but emotionally disfunctional family.  Both thier parents were alcoholics, their mother a depressive alcoholic and their father an silly, absent alcoholic.  FI took the responsibility of "protector" for his siblings (twin sister and younger brother) and has stayed in that role even after their parents sobered up.  FI and FSIL have matured well and is now able to communicate and cope with their difficult past.  FBIL has been having more difficulty and it has been displaying some troubling behavoirs.  The problem is, when FI tries to talk to his brother about his behaviors (putting himself in dangerous situations while drinking, expressing feelings of extreme hopelessness and possible suicidel ideation) FBIL claims that we are over reacting and have misjudged him.  Because of FI's protective big-brother feelings, he is easily swayed by FBIL's claims and is very quick to appologize for his concern. 

I am not able to do this.  I am very concerned for FBIL and still feel hurt and angry about past experiences with him.  While he claims to be doing "better", he has experienced some level of exstistetial crisis 80% of the times we have seen him.  This can vary from crying about feeling sad/numb/hopeless to all out black-out-drunk sobbing and self-distructive behavior (trying to run away from us in a blizzard while extremely intoxicated, talking about wanting to step in front of a train).  Every time this happens, we get his calm enough and sober enough where we can safely put him to bed, and he will deny his feelings the next morning, claiming that I/we are "overreacting".  I am a therapist, so I recognize these episodes as possible sympoms of a much bigger issue, but I am not sure how to handle this in my personal life.  Not only is he my friend, he is going to be my brother.  I cannot force him to get help, but I am not sure how to approach this situation given our relationship and the complexity of the problem. 

Anyone else out there marrying into an alcoholic family?  In-law issues?  Denial?  How are you dealing?  What can I do? 

mrskesslertobe, thank you, that helps. I think a large part of this stuggle is my own frustration with the situation and my ability to see it from an outsider's perspective. I tell him how much I love and care for him every time we see him, but when I see what his actions do to FI, myself and our friends, I feel angry and afraid for him. I suppose I need to accept the situation for what it is, out of my control, and move on as a supportive figure for him. I just don't want to see him self-distruct.

FI has been seeing a therapist for 1.5 years and it has really helped him sort out his anxiety and family issues. I am planning on begining my own therapy in the coming months as well. The only thing I can control is my own reaction to the situation. I think the family is begining to aknowledge the situation, but there is still a lot of secrecy and denial around FBIL and the family history in general.  Thank you for helping put it in perspective.  It's not about me, its about him, them, and I need to be responsible for my own words and actions.