Post # 1
Last night FBIL called FI and told him he is planning on proposing to his GF, which is great – YAY I really like her and them as a couple and I am very happy for them. Then he asked if he could do it at our place during Christmas… ummmm, what?
FI doesn’t want him to do it. He didn’t say anything on the phone, though. He decided he needed to defer to me. So now, even though FI doesn’t want him to (and I don’t really either), I look like the bad guy. I don’t see why he couldn’t just say NO to his brother without throwing it to me. I’m annoyed that he did that. It is his brother and he doesn’t want him to do it, why couldn’t he just say that and leave me out of it? He told me it was because he wanted to include me in the decision, which I guess I appreciate, but still – I really don’t want to get involved.
I feel like it is weird for him to want to do it at someone else’s home. I can understand the Christmas proposal, but they aren’t coming over until 4. They will be waking up Christmas morning at their own place. Just do it then so you can have a private moment and then come over and say OMG WE ARE ENGAGED YAY! I don’t get it. FI doesn’t get it, and now it’s all on me.
So do I just go with it even though neither of us want it or do I look like the bad guy even though it is FI’s call and he doesn’t want it?
Post # 3
Maybe he has a reason you do not know for wanting to propose there? Or he just wants to do it in front of family. Maybe you could call him back and ask why?
Also, why are you uncomfortable with him doing it in your home? Just curious.
Post # 4
@flapperphilosopher: Is the whole family going to be at your house? That’s probably why he wants to do it there, because he wants the family to share in the moment. Some people want privacy and some want to do it in front of family.
Post # 5
Are you hosting a family get together at your house? If so, maybe FBIL wants to propose in front of his family.
Post # 6
Wait, I’m confused – why don’t you want FBIL to propose at your house? I really don’t see why it’s a big deal. It sounds like a nice way to surprise his GF and do it with family. Are you going to have other family there?
Post # 7
Also, whatever you decide, this is your FI’s issue to deal with, not yours. He needs to deliver the verdict to his brother and not throw this on you.
But I really don’t get why y’all would say no.
Post # 8
I’m not sure why you’re bothered by this. He probably just wants to share the moment with everyone.
Post # 9
Yeah I agree with the other posters, he probably wants to do it in front of the family. Is there a reason why it bothers you both so much? I think it is really sweet and I would be thrilled to have my brother propose to his GF at my house on Xmas 🙂
Post # 11
@flapperphilosopher: …why can’t he propose at your house? Maybe he wants this to be a family moment, either way, he doesn’t actually need your permission to do it, so I don’t get why its an issue.
Post # 12
Some people just like to share in joyous moments. Why is it such a big deal to you and your FI that he NOT do it? It’s Christmas! Celebrate!!
Post # 13
I don’t think it weird at all that he would do it at someone elses house if his entire family is going to be there. I think it is more odd that he asked your permission to propose at the family Christmas.
Post # 14
I agree that it’s your FI’s issue. Are you hosting your first Christmas together at your place? If so, I can better understand why you’d rather not have your FBIL propose. Otherwise, just try to enjoy that you are hosting a special moment in your family’s history and make sure to have a bottle of champagne ready!
Post # 15
If it were me, I would be hugely uncomfortable as well because everyone would be upset/angry/unsupportive of the engagement. I wouldn’t want anyone to know that I knew about the engagement beforehand and did nothing to stop it like telling his parents.
However, if everyone will be happy and excited and such, I would be excited to be “in the know” about it.
Post # 16
@flapperphilosopher: first of all it’s not up to you to decide what someone *should* want to do for their proposal. Maybe he specifically wants to do it after the holidays and not ON the holiday? maybe he wants the family to all be present? I don’t really see why you would be uncomfortable with this. I would be super excited to be a part of such a special moment. I guess I need more explanation as to why this is such an issue? I mean, no one can tell you what to do, but I think it was nice of him to even ask if it’s ok if he propose at your house. He could have just did it.
So, please do tell why this isn’t ok with you?
As of now, my opinion is that it would be a jerk thing to do to say “no you can’t propose here”. He did ask, so technically you can but I would be annoyed if I asked like he did and had you say no, I would feel like you weren’t happy for me that I was about to propose or something. It just won’t come off very nice.