(Closed) FBIL’s brat girlfriend and 250 cupcakes!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Either way, I think there is going to be trouble with this one, but if it were me, I would tell her, thanks but no thanks. In my opinion, for you, it would be less hassle and worry to figure something else out.

Post # 4
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010 - Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort, St. Thomas

Seriously, that is drama you don’t need. It’s your wedding and it’s your choice who will make cupcakes/shower cake, etc. Don’t be bullied into anything!

Post # 5
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m sure you’ve already apologized but I think the best way to phrase it would be to say, “We really love the look of cupcakes but knew we wouldn’t be able to pay for cupcakes from a professional bakery and asking you to do it felt like such a big favor because we want all of our guests to just be able to relax and enjoy the day. I’m sure you would have done a great job but we just didn’t feel right asking you to give so much of your time.”

Post # 6
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Since she seemed to be upset that you picked out a design, my guess is that she wanted to totally be creative with it.  If I have it correctly, that you were talking about the shower cake, I could see where she thought she might have some liberty.  (Brides don’t usually get that involved with their own showers.  NOr do they typically pay for their own shower cakes.)  I’m also guessing, by “making you pay for the cake”, it was something she originally planned to offer as a gift.  (?)  But since she can’t do what she wants and have “fun” with it, it will seem like work, and wants to charge.  (OK way guessing there, but just came to mind.)

I’m not sure what to say.  I don’t know how they could pull off making the cupcakes, moving and all.  Are they in the wedding by any chance?  I guess I’d leave the part about the taste off, and focus on telling them that 1. you didn’t think they’d be able to since they were moving, and 2. that you really want them to have a good time at the wedding and not stress over working.

If you think making the shower cake will make amends, I’d consider allowing her more free reign.  I’m not sure how much of it you planned out.  But I’d maybe tell her what flavor you like, and what the wedding colors are.

Post # 7
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Umm…FBIL’s gf needs a reality check that this is your wedding, not hers. She just sounds jealous to me and needs to take a big step back. No drama.

Post # 9
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Can you tell them that you wanted them to feel like guests at the wedding and enjoy themselves and not have the stress of making all the cupcakes and setting them up?  Good luck!

Post # 10
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yeah, just tell them that you really felt like they should be able to enjoy every minute and not be under too much stress.  I mean, really… it’s your wedding.  She can make cupcakes for her wedding.

And stay with Sam’s Club cupcakes… they are amazing! 🙂

Post # 11
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I know you probably already apologized, and I really think that she’s being the unreasonable one here (and your Future Brother-In-Law is being unreasonable to an extent as well) but it might go a long way toward smoothing things over if you sent her an apology email.  Just say something like “We knew 250 cupcakes would be so much work and we didn’t want to impose on you.  Of course we know that anything you made would be better than something from a big box store [just lie a little here!] but we want you to be able to relax and have fun, and not worry about working at the wedding!” 

Then if you want, I would offer to allow her to be more creative with the shower cake, or if you want to keep your design, you could say something like “I am thrilled that you’re going to make this shower cake for us.  I can’t wait to see how it turns out!  Let me know what you want to do about the cost, we could go shopping together and I could buy all the ingredients for you, or I can just write you a check, whichever you prefer :)”  That way you’re still happy and friendly, you don’t really let on that you know she’s mad at you, but you still get the point across that you always intended to pay.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, she’s being totally a drama queen, but sometimes the best way to handle people like that are to do a little something to quiet them down for now, and do whatever possible to avoid getting entangled with them in the future…

Post # 13
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Good update and good riddance to that biotch.

Post # 14
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Glad to hear it had a happy ending for you!

Post # 15
2682 posts
Sugar bee

Wow that stinks! Good thing you wont have to worry about her being at the wedding, sounds like one person that your better off without!  PS – I LOVE Sams Club cupcakes, they are so delicous, my boss used to bring them to work all the time!

Post # 16
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

She seems like she might have issues. I’m sure she just chose your wedding to unleash the crazy (so you’re not the cause of it).

I can understand them being a little bit hurt but you should be able to pick whatever you want without anyone pouting about it. Plus it’s easier to get what you want when you’re not using friends or family. You feel more comfortable saying “No I don’t like that”.

I’m a graphic designer and there’s no way in the WORLD I would ever do invites for a friend (what I would have to charge to make it worth my time would be insane – they’re just sooo time consuming).


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