Post # 1
So you read that correctly – my FBIL’s GIRLFRIEND, not fiance because they are not even engaged yet is planning their wedding for either one week before or one week after our tentative date. My fiance planned out an awesome surprise weekend away when he proposed, then a week after our engagement his brother’s girlfriend told my FMIL that they were getting engaged, he just didnt have a ring yet.. so I know she is jealous and is annoyed that her friends and now we are engaged and she is not. I wouldnt really care if my FBIL had planned the engagement unknowlingly to fall around the same time as ours, but that was not the case, they are still not engaged, she just had to tell everyone that they WOULD be and that they are now planning their wedding… when? well at first it was about a month after we were thinking for ours. Now, they are pressuring us to pick a date because they want to book their venue and they are thinking either the week before or after the date we were thinking! We are going to pick a date, let them know and ask them, nicely, to consider having theirs at least a month before or after ours. Especially since our guests have to travel for a weekend.
Am I being unreasonable?
Post # 3
yes you only get one day, but i don’t think your request is unreasonable, you’re taking guests into consideration. i’d have FH take it up with FBIL one on one though. i doubt your FBIL cares too much about the date (considering he hasn’t even proposed) and would be more open than miss cray-cray
Post # 4
That’s a little odd on her part. While you can’t really dictate what others are going to do, express concern for your guests, be polite and then just try to smile and go about your planning.
Post # 5
Are you being unreasonable that you are bothered by this? No. I totally get why that is annoying.
Yes, I know you only get a day, not a week. And you will hear that a lot. But it is one thing when two weddings fall close together by coincidence, but that isn’t the case here. There is no reason (at least I didni’t see one) FBIL and his GF/FI HAVE to have their wedding a week before or after yours.
The biggest problem I see here (besides it being annoying for you and your FI) is that having two weddings for two brothers two weeks in a row is going to be very hard for your FI’s family, especially if they have out-of-town guests that might be able to afford to make the trip once, but not twice.
Perhaps your FI could speak to his brother about this. Or could he talk to his parents, since they are affected too and see if they can reason with FBIL? Or, since nothing is finalized yet, you could possibly movie your date up a bit so you are married a while before FBIL’s wedding?
Post # 6
This would frustrate me too. Not even because it’s kind of rude to do it to you, but the pressure that it puts on guests financially is awkward as well. If someone is struggling 2 weddings within a months time could really effect someone’s pockets, and not to sound greedy, but the gifts you might each get.
Would you both have mutual family that would need to travel for the weddings? I’m sure these folks might feel like they could only attend one wedding and then how do they chose. If that was me I would decline both rather than pick.
Post # 7
You may be putting the cart before the horse on this one. It’s your “tentative” date and they are not even engaged yet. Don’t stress about it until you know your date. Plus if he can’t afford a ring to propose, how can he afford deposits for rental venues?
Post # 8
Are FBIL and his girlfriend older than you and your FI? It sure sounds like there’s a race to the finish line here. Perhaps your FBIL’s gf is putting a bit of pressure on FBIL to tie the knot before you and you FI.
Post # 9
I’m usually one of the you only get one day people, but this just sounds ridiculous. What are her reasons for wanting to have the wedding then? Is it significant to them, or is she just being jealous? What a weirdo.
Post # 10
I think your plan makes sense. I’d wait till you had it booked to say anything for sure. She could just be saying things like that to upset you. Chances are that their plans will change if they aren’t even engaged yet.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! My FI is going to talk to my FBIL today and find out exactly is the reasoning behind their dates. Our date is only tentative because the venue we selected does not taking bookings this far in advance so we fully intend to have it that day but it is not written in stone. If they insist on having it so close to ours, we will just move it, not worth the drama.
@camrie – they want to book their venue asap! i dont think the engagement part seems to be slowing her down at all 🙂
@june42011 – her parents are paying…so no worries for them there.
Post # 12
ehh…she sounds like she’s jealous that you’re getting married. They aren’t engaged yet and your date is a long way off. She will either get over her current jealous feelings or want it to be all about her and sharing time with you won’t be something she wants. Have your FI talk to his brother and see what’s up. Just because she’s getting ahead of herself doesn’t mean he is on the same boat.