Post # 1
This might be long (sorry): FBIL is proposing to his GF on Christmas but they have already talked about weddings and what they want to do. FI and I can’t take our honeymoon right after the wedding so we have been planning it (April in Paris) for 2015. His family knows this as they have travelled to Paris and we have talked to them about where to stay, what to do, etc. FBIL has been present for these conversations so he knows this also. We do not have specific set dates for the trip but know it is April 2015.
Now FBIL is talking about having a DW in Hawaii… in April 2015. We have no problem with him having a DW and to be honest I am super psyched for Hawaii because I have never been, but I just don’t understand why it needs to be in the same effing month as we’ve planned our honeymoon. We can’t possibly take that much time off work in the same month. We could swing it a different month with lots of advanced notice at our jobs – March or May even – but NOT APRIL.
FMIL is furious with FBIL for about a thousand reasons but this is the newest one. She thinks he needs to change his desired wedding month because he hasn’t even officially proposed and she feels like FI and I have “dibs” on April already. I don’t want this to turn into a huge thing with their family so I am contemplating the idea of changing our honeymoon month even though I really REALLY don’t want to and my FI is currently not willing to budge on it.
I’m wondering if anyone has run into a conflict like this and what you did (or what you would do in our situation) – change honeymoon month or have FI ask him about being a bit more flexible with his choice, or something else I haven’t even thought of yet? Advice needed!
Post # 3
Personally, I would change my honeymoon month. You aren’t going right after the wedding anyway so, to me, it’s more of a vacation.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Kukahiko Estate
@flapperphilosopher: Hmm this is tough….
You can’t force anyone else to change what their plans are so the easiest thing to do is change your honeymoon dates. That being said, maybe FBIL is not thinking about your honeymoon? Maybe politely have your FI ask about it. You said they aren’t even engaged yet so I would think they have more flexibility in their planning.
Why is he choosing April in the first place?
Post # 5
@flapperphilosopher: I am sorry, and I do feel for you – Paris is amazing! But I wouldn’t be putting someone else’s honeymoon before my wedding, even if it were my only sibling.
Post # 6
@penguinbee: I have absolutely no clue why he is choosing April. I know it isn’t a sentimental date for when they met because they met at a 4th of July party and he is proposing in December, so it’s not that either.
Post # 7
@flapperphilosopher: I would probably just change our Honeymoon month. But, in all honesty, I’m just imagining FI and myself in your situation with one of his brothers, and he probably would be like your FI and not want to budge on moving the honeymoon, because its been known for awhile what month your going to be having your honeymoon, so its almost like your FBIL is disregarding your plans, for his own.
All in all, if I were you I’d stay out of it as much as possible, let your FI deal with his brother on his own, if the roles were switched, and it was your brother pulling this shit, you could make the final call. But its not, so just, roll with whatever your FI chooses to do.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Kukahiko Estate
We are having a DW next October…but before we chose the date we asked our family / friends if they could attend and making sure that October was ok. We do have one couple friend that won’t be able to attend since they are going on their honeymoon in September but we knew that going in.
Maybe he is thinking that if his wedding in at the beginning of the month and your honeymoon is at the end its no big deal. I still think your FI should talk to him about it and just make it known that you guys may not be able to attend if it overlaps with your honeymoon?
Post # 9
@flapperphilosopher: I would not change anything until he actually proposes and they book the actual date!
Post # 10
@flapperphilosopher: I can see both sides. Your FBIL and his (soon to be) FI have every right to pick a wedding date that works best for them. You and your FI have every right to delay your Honeymoon and pick a time to go that works best for you guys as well.
Personally, I wouldn’t worry about it just yet. They say that they want to get married in April of 2015, but until they have their venue booked that could change. Likewise, you guys don’t have your Honeymoon booked yet and something could pop up that changes your timing (other than FBIL’s wedding).
Having your FI speak with him might be a good idea, but only if he approaches the conversation maturely and is polite and respectful. He can ask why they want to go in April 2015 and explain that it would be impossible for you guys to swing two big trips in one month. Its entirely possible that in his excitement he really did forget that you guys planned to do your Honeymoon then.
If FBIL won’t budge, then he could say that you guys will discuss things – that way, he’s being polite and respectful while not agreeing to anything.
Post # 11
@flapperphilosopher: Wow, it’s just one thing after another with your FBIL! He’s a real peach…
Can you hurry up and book your honeymoon before they pick a date? I think your FI and FMIL need to sit him down and explain that the world does not revolve around him.
P.S. Let us know how the Christmas dinner/engagement goes!
Post # 12
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. It does seem awfully unfair. However, having said that, I would consider changing the timing of your Paris trip. I know that “April in Paris” sounds so romantic, but you should be aware that it can be quite cold there in April. If you can swing it with your schedules, late May or early June is so much nicer there and the rates should still be lower than when summer gets into full swing. Just something to consider.
Post # 13
@SparkleBee2014: FI wanted to just book it and put his foot down but I told him to wait because that would just be an emotional decision since part of the purpose of waiting was financial so we can spread out payments for things.
Post # 14
@Mamajacket: If we did change it, it would have to be May because June-August is bad for FI because of work.
Post # 15
@flapperphilosopher: honestly, if it were me… i would change my honeymoon date. a wedding takes precedence over a honeymoon… and since you’re waiting anyways you could really go any time, couldn’t you? why are you so set on April? maybe they have reasons for wanting their wedding that you don’t know about. maybe it would be better for the brides family/friends? you just have no idea. i would say since you aren’t booking your honeymoon yet and he isn’t even engaged yet just wait a bit. things might sort themselves out in the meantime. and if they do decide to have their wedding in April, I don’t think you could really be all that angry about it unless you had already booked your honeymoon.
Post # 16
@mu_t: We chose April because it is the ideal time for us in terms of finances and work schedules.