FBIL's wedding and our honeymoon – potential conflict

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?
    Change honeymoon month : (47 votes)
    46 %
    Have FI talk to his brother about his DW month : (48 votes)
    47 %
    Other (please explain) : (7 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8720 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Personally, I would change my honeymoon month. You aren’t going right after the wedding anyway so, to me, it’s more of a vacation.

    Post # 4
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Kukahiko Estate

    @flapperphilosopher:  Hmm this is tough….

    You can’t force anyone else to change what their plans are so the easiest thing to do is change your honeymoon dates.  That being said, maybe FBIL is not thinking about your honeymoon?  Maybe politely have your FI ask about it.  You said they aren’t even engaged yet so I would think they have more flexibility in their planning.

    Why is he choosing April in the first place?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1882 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @flapperphilosopher:  I am sorry, and I do feel for you – Paris is amazing! But I wouldn’t be putting someone else’s honeymoon before my wedding, even if it were my only sibling.

    Post # 7
    Member
    856 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @flapperphilosopher:  I would probably just change our Honeymoon month. But, in all honesty, I’m just imagining FI and myself in your situation with one of his brothers, and he probably would be like your FI and not want to budge on moving the honeymoon, because its been known for awhile what month your going to be having your honeymoon, so its almost like your FBIL is disregarding your plans, for his own.

    All in all, if I were you I’d stay out of it as much as possible, let your FI deal with his brother on his own, if the roles were switched, and it was your brother pulling this shit, you could make the final call. But its not, so just, roll with whatever your FI chooses to do.

    Post # 8
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Kukahiko Estate

    @flapperphilosopher:  Hm….strange.

    We are having a DW next October…but before we chose the date we asked our family / friends if they could attend and making sure that October was ok.  We do have one couple friend that won’t be able to attend since they are going on their honeymoon in September but we knew that going in.

    Maybe he is thinking that if his wedding in at the beginning of the month and your honeymoon is at the end its no big deal.  I still think your FI should talk to him about it and just make it known that you guys may not be able to attend if it overlaps with your honeymoon?

    Post # 9
    Member
    5007 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @flapperphilosopher:  I would not change anything until he actually proposes and they book the actual date!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1666 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @flapperphilosopher:  I can see both sides. Your FBIL and his (soon to be) FI have every right to pick a wedding date that works best for them. You and your FI have every right to delay your Honeymoon and pick a time to go that works best for you guys as well.

    Personally, I wouldn’t worry about it just yet. They say that they want to get married in April of 2015, but until they have their venue booked that could change. Likewise, you guys don’t have your Honeymoon booked yet and something could pop up that changes your timing (other than FBIL’s wedding).

    Having your FI speak with him might be a good idea, but only if he approaches the conversation maturely and is polite and respectful. He can ask why they want to go in April 2015 and explain that it would be impossible for you guys to swing two big trips in one month. Its entirely possible that in his excitement he really did forget that you guys planned to do your Honeymoon then.

    If FBIL won’t budge, then he could say that you guys will discuss things – that way, he’s being polite and respectful while not agreeing to anything.

    Post # 11
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @flapperphilosopher:  Wow, it’s just one thing after another with your FBIL! He’s a real peach…

    Can you hurry up and book your honeymoon before they pick a date? I think your FI and FMIL need to sit him down and explain that the world does not revolve around him.

    P.S. Let us know how the Christmas dinner/engagement goes!

    Post # 12
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee

    I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. It does seem awfully unfair. However, having said that, I would consider changing the timing of your Paris trip. I know that “April in Paris” sounds so romantic, but you should be aware that it can be quite cold there in April. If you can swing it with your schedules, late May or early June is so much nicer there and the rates should still be lower than when summer gets into full swing. Just something to consider.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2063 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @flapperphilosopher:  honestly, if it were me… i would change my honeymoon date. a wedding takes precedence over a honeymoon… and since you’re waiting anyways you could really go any time, couldn’t you? why are you so set on April? maybe they have reasons for wanting their wedding that you don’t know about. maybe it would be better for the brides family/friends? you just have no idea. i would say since you aren’t booking your honeymoon yet and he isn’t even engaged yet just wait a bit. things might sort themselves out in the meantime. and if they do decide to have their wedding in April, I don’t think you could really be all that angry about it unless you had already booked your honeymoon.

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