Fearing mother's eternal wrath.

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do?
    Invite the old couple, knowing they might accept, to please Mum. : (48 votes)
    80 %
    Don't invite the old couple, knowing your mum will hate you, and possibly your fiance, forever. : (12 votes)
    20 %
    I have a better idea! (Please post!) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2005

    I would invite them.  If it’s really such a hassle to travel, or they’re as frail as you fear, then they almost certianly won’t come.  If they do make the effort to come, then you’ll know it was important to them to be there, even if it wasn’t important to you to have them.

    I think you’re being a little overdramatic with your fear that they’ll keel over from sheer age in the middle of your wedding.  Late 60s/early 70s isn’t exactly death’s door.

    Post # 4
    980 posts
    Busy bee

    2 people who may or may not come shouldn’t stretch your guest list too much. There are a few older people who knew me as a kid but don’t know me now that I’m planning to invite. More of a courtesy invite than anything else, but they were important to me when I was younger and I’m sure would love to just receive an invite even if they decided not to come. It’s just a nice thing to be remembered. 

    Post # 5
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    Think about how many of those 70 ppl youve already invited are likely to come?? Id say youd get at least 2 declines right? As soon as you get them send out an invitation to these old friends. Tell your mum this is the way youre going to do it. 

    Post # 6
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    You are very likely to get some declines, as not everyone will be free for your wedding.  If you do have the space, invite them.  It will make your mum happy, and they were important when you were a kid.  I’d never recommend inviting more than your absolute capacity in any circumstances, but it’s far easier to add people later than to tell people they can’t come any more!  If it’s the money that’s the issue, tell her that you would love for them to come, but that you can’t afford to invite them – if she can stump up the money then she can invite them.

    I also think that, unless you know that one of them is already very unwell, you’re being completely melodramatic about the possibility that one of them might just keel over and die during your reception.  In any event, the cruise company will have systems in place in case any of your guests (not just the older ones) are taken ill.  That isn’t practical thinking – it’s imagining disaster stories, and your guests will be no more vulnerable than they would be in any slightly remote location (e.g. if your reception was in a country house out in the middle of nowhere, it would probably be even further from a hospital).

    Post # 7
    3889 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Late 60’s/early 70’s is NOT elderly. They will not have heart attacks on your 4-hour harbor cruise. Whatever you end up doing, you need to drop this point from your argument. It discredits you. Many people are not even retired by that age. And my very own mother survived my 4-hour river cruise wedding, and she’s *eighty-four*.  This is a really bad argument you’re making.


    Post # 8
    1178 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t think lat 60’s, 70’s is that old. That’s my parents ages and they get out way mor than me. To address your situation I think that you should invite them, if you get a couple of declines.

    Post # 9
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Definitely invite them!

    Post # 11
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I dunno, I’m usually advising rebellion but they held you as a baby… that tugs my heartstrings a bit. I think you should invite them – if they make the effort to come, it’ll mean that it means a lot to them to be there and you can kinda see it as a good deed. If it isn’t a big deal to them, they’ll probably politely decline. I doubt they’ll go to the trouble of coming “just because” like a lot of younger guests do. 

    Post # 12
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would invite them. It’s clearly very important to your mother and they’ve been in your life for a long time.


    I’m also pretty appalled that you would hold someone’s age against them. You seem like you’re reaching a bit too hard. 


    Post # 13
    4827 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    I would not invite them. But maybe I’m a bitch.

    Post # 14
    31 posts
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Invite them. It’s a nice way to thank them for helping your parents out so long ago and even if they’re (nearly) strangers to you, it sounds like they’d probably care about you enough to appreciate being invited.

    My mother is a champion grudge-holder, too. Let her have this one and maybe use it to get your way on the next disagreement. 🙂

    If they’re too old for a boat cruise (I doubt heart attacks are likely but old people do tend to hurt themselves properly when they trip) – then the prospect of travelling for your wedding would be too much for them, too. If they’re healthy enough for  interstate travel, they’ll be fine on the cruise.

    Post # 15
    844 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I’m gonna go ahead here and say if you don’t want them there, you shouldn’t. I hate with a burning passion this stupid idea of ‘obligation invites’. Nobody should be there if YOU don’t want them to be. Straightforward, really.


    Post # 16
    6671 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Its 2 people.  Its not like she is insisting the whole neighborhood be invited.  For 2 people (who may not come) I would let it go and let her have this one.

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