Post # 1
All right bees, I need a vote of confidence. I’ve been trying the online dating scene after moving to the middle of no where in the midwest. I’ve been on a couple dates but had no interest in most of the guys after meeting in person. Met up with one guy a couple weeks back and the conversation was freakin’ awesome. We talked for about five hours before parting ways and he texted that night saying we should meet up again. Then, silence for over a week. I texted asking if he was free at all this weekend and got a noncommital reply. Went ahead and deleted his number. I want someone who WANTS to spend time with me.
The problem is, I moved here for work. I never would have chosen this state otherwise because I have very different political and religious viewpoints from what’s common here. I’m in the middle of Bible country. My coworkers are my age, but married and most have kids. The nearest “city” is 70 miles away. After living in a huge city (one of the top five biggest US cities) for my entire life, this has been more than a bit of a shock. I can’t transfer for a year, and that’s IF there’s an opening for my position elsewhere.
So, ladies, I guess my question is how would you handle this? Which dating sites would you recommend? How long were you on the site / how many duds did you go through before finding your SO?
Post # 3
@twixie: I used Okcupid when I was single. It was nice because it was totally free. I met a lot of people, however the summer I spent home with my parents (a smaller town than I usually live in) the guys were duds. I only went on a couple of dates and we just didn’t hit it off in person.
I was on the site on and off from January to August in August I met my now DH. In that time I went on a lot of dates and had a short 3 months relationship with someone from the site too. If you haven’t already given it a try, it’s worth it!
My best friend also met her now boyfriend (who is proposing next month) on okcupid.
Post # 4
Well, I mostly used OkCupid (as it was free)! I went through about 25-30 first dates, about half that made it to second dates, half again just never contacted me again, and the other half I wasn’t interested enough in after one or two more dates? It took a long time. I had coffee/tea dates with a lot of guys! Only about 2-3 ever made it to about a 5th date.
Then I met my now FI 🙂 So, keep kissing (or rather meeting) those frogs.
Post # 5
I first joined okcupid (which is free) when I was 18, and first met a guy off of it when I was 20 I was really active for probably about 6 months cumulatively, and met 6 guys off of it. I never lived somewhere without plenty of guys with similar views to mine, but I loved that it gave you a match percentage based on questions where you rank how important certain answers are to you. If they had a really low percentage I could figure they were probably a homophobe or just would have nothing in common with me. Of the 6 guys I met, one was a total dud, one seemed okay but it turned out we had some mutual friends and he had a sketchy past, three were great guys that I had fun but casual things with because we didn’t really fit together, and one was my FI 🙂
If you look at threads I’ve started there’s one where all sorts of ladies put in tons of input about their online dating experiences.
Post # 6
I’ve tried eharmony and match, and I ended up meeting my husband on match. I didn’t love eharmony. My H was the third date i had, but sometimes it just takes a little more time! Don’t be too discouraged!
Post # 7
Marrying my OkCupid guy!! It took me a long time though to weed through the frogs. Good luck!!! Stick with it!
Post # 8
I also found my DH on okcupid! Because it was free, there was a decent amount of filtering through to get rid of the super creepers!
Post # 9
@twixie: Sorry you’re having such a hard time with online dating and being in a new place that doesn’t really fit. After getting out of a 4-year relationship, I decided to try online dating and I started with OKCupid. I loved it and talked to a lot of good guys on there, but I guess it helps that there were probably more guys around in my area. Still, I would say be patient. I went on about 7 first dates, but I always texted back and forth with the guy before meeting in person. I had one dud, who was the only guy who wasn’t texting me much before the date. And I had one guy who was just really conceited. But other than that, the other guys were fun, and I ended up dating one for about 3 months.
He was great, but when I realized he wasn’t willing to commit time to me, I decided to end it. Less than a month later, I decided to check out PlentyofFish, where I met my boyfriend (he was the only guy I met on there). We’ve been together for a year and a half, and he’s bought the e-ring.
I have had a few friends with mediocre experiences with online dating, but I also just went to the wedding of a friend who met her husband on match, and my former boss met her husband on that site as well. I would just say…be patient (I didn’t meet my BF on the first try), listen to your gut, and don’t be afraid to make the first move onlline.
Post # 10
I met FI on OkCupid 🙂 We have been together for over 2 years. If there aren’t that many guys on the dating site, could you do something else to meet people? Is there a university around (cute graduate students or professors might be more liberal)?
Post # 11
I met my FI through a mutual friend BUT I was on match for about 2 years previously. I did date a guy that I met on there for a little over a year, but we broke up.
Prior to him, I went on 12 (yes, thats right!) first dates. Only one guy made it to a second date. It was a big crew of weirdos! One of my rules was actually to NOT date guys from the mid-west because they were all weird when I met them, lol.
The thing I learned was… send a few emails, then a phone call, then set up a time meet ASAP. I was so sick of the guys who would send you emails, texts, etc. and then just disappear off the face of the planet. I learned that it was better to set up a date ASAP to get it over with and see if you had chemistry. ALSO – I learned to just go for drinks – dinner was way too big of a commitment if you got stuck with a weirdo (which I did many times).
I tried Ok Cupid for a while…but I found (at least in my area) that they guys on that site are really weird and kind of shady (I assumed due to it being free). Good luck! 🙂
Post # 12
@twixie: I met DH on OKCupid, while living in a state I HATED! Luckily, he got a promotion out of state 7 months later, and I moved with him!
Post # 13
@twixie: I met my SO on pof.com. I literally talked to 50 guys though and he was te only normal one. I’m actually still surprised he was on there because he’s such a catch!!!!! Maybe you could try finding some sort of club or something, we have an adult soccer league/kickball league/volleyball league and there’s TONS of hot guys. All of our friends play as well.
Post # 14
@QueenieB: No universities/colleges/anything for about 40 miles. There’s a small college in the next town over, but it’s a rough area. The town I live in has lots of religious youth group programs, but I’m an atheist and have no desire to be involved with a church. Congrats on meeting your FI on OkCupid!! 🙂
Post # 15
When I first was seperated / divorced, I gave up on On-Line Dating before I even got started. I discovered on my own, and thru talking to other GFs (all in their 30s & 40s) that more often than not they found it to be a disappointment / meat market (a lot of fakes & players)
And altho on-line dating might work well in more habitated areas, where there are lots of people / singles residing … of course it has its statistically drawbacks in an area where there are fewer people to begin with.
Around that same time, I read Dr Phil’s Book “Love Smart ~ Find the One You Want – Fix the one you got”
Great book. Gave me a lot of insight into how men think… and how to make the Dating Experience work for you (including online).
As well as a Chapter on knowing yourself as well… and what it is you want out of Dating, as well as a Life Partner / Serious Relationship.
It is an easy read… and has some checklists too where you can visually see what it is you want on paper.
My Best Advice…
Make a list of what it is you want in a relationship / man. Then try to figure out where you might find those sorts of values / interests. Get out there in the real world, pursuing your own interests and enoying life (be that church, sports, hobbies, classes, volunteering, etc), and chances are good that the right guys are going to FIND YOU.
Hang in there… it’ll happen.
Post # 16
Another okcupid match here! My fiancé messaged me the first day I was on there. I got really lucky and didn’t have to go on any bad dates. We met in person after a few days of talking and saw each other every day for the next 3 months. (our streak was only broken by him having to go on a trip out of state). Anyway, I know I got really lucky that it worked so quickly for me but I would stick with it. My fiancé was on there for something like 8 months before we met.