- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
My Fiance has many great qualities…he is sweet, thoughtful, considerate, very family oriented (loves and respects his family and has a great example to follow), funny, and caring. He is a gentleman, shows genuine care and concern, and can be romantic. He takes care of me in the best way he knows how. No one is perfect, but he has put me threw a few situations that woud have scared a lot of girls away. But I hung in there and stuck by him. For instance…
Big situation 1: He smokes weed. I knew this when I met him and was Ok wth it b/c I smoked a little too. Then started to notice how much more than me he smoked. I was concerned that it was a waste of money, and also that it would make him lazy. Then an even bigger concern came up….the illegality of it. He got detained at customs on our way back into the states after a cruise to the Bahamas b/c he had weed on him. They let him go but it was very scary and he was fined $500 on the spot. He smokes MUCH less now, but it’s ashame it had to come to this.
Big situation 2: He got my car stolen. He ended up leaving the keys in my new SUV while running into a gas station on a main highway in an area known for car theft! This ended up costing me $3000 of my down payment and some car rental fees (my insurance didn’t cover it all). Mostly it caused me to lose trust in his ability to make responsible decisions.
I try to overlook these things b/c they happened in the past and he’s supposedly learned his lesson, But on top of these things….the little things are beginning to get to me.
He does not eat healthy. Apparently his parents never made him. He eats no vegetables, loves fried, fast, and junk food, and rarely works out. This has had a negative impact on his health. He has constant stomach problems including acid reflux and an ulcer. But he still won’t change his eating habits.
He’s a very messy person and contributes to tearing the house apart but not as much to cleaning. And when he tries to clean he’s pretty bad at it. I usually have to go behind him and finish.
Along the same lines he throws everything (mostly clothes) on the floor and walks past it a million times. I’m constantly picking up after him. Not to mention he doesn’t do laundry. If I don’t do it he takes it to his mohter’s house.
He leave drawers and cabinets open. I’ve never seen anything like it.
He will use up but rarely buy the things we need for the house (i.e. soap, lotion, toilet paper, napkins, etc.) without me asking and reminding several times.
He constantly plays video game and watches sports, but wont read a book or follow anything meaningful like news or politics.
He’s not the best steward of his money. He maxed out a credit card before and I had to help him pay it off. He always runs out of money causing me to question what he’s spending it on. He pays his portion of the rent, but on occasion has had to ask me for help.
He is always begging for a massage b/c his “back is killing him”. But no amount of massages will help if his back problems are that persistent. His neediness exhausts me.
He has the most high-maintenenace sleep habits. Needs ear plugs b/c he’s a light sleeper…but has to foll asleep with the TV on. Can’t handle ANY light coming thru the curtains, he’s always hot, and he sleeps upside down now for some odd reason I haven’t figured out yet.
He has poor work ethic and has had a bunch of jobs in hs life, 4 since I’ve known him (3 years). He’ll quit for instance if he doesn’t like the manager, and a couple times he’s gotten laid off. I on the other hand have been at the same job (i.e. career) for 8 years.
He’s not as driven or motivated as I would like. I don’t see how he’s going to ever have a career and make more money if he doesn’t channel his ambition. He did finish his bachelors degree since we’ve been together, but I even noticed he wasn’t motivated when it came to school work.
ETA: He doesn’t drink often but when he does he drinks strong, full proof drinks. He, like a lot of guys, likes to occassionally get drunk. But last time he did this he ruined our vacation b/c he started drinking early and was sick the rest of the trip. I’m all for having fun, but I’m you have to be smart and responsible about it.
You would think I don’t love him after listing all of his faults, but I do. I love him for all of the things he is and all of the potential he has. But all of these other things are really getting to me. I am not sure why now…I think it’s b/c he’s getting more and more comfortable with me so he’s being complacent and revealing his true self, so to speak. He used to visibly try hard to do well and be the man I need him to be. Now those efforts are really falling off. He just got laid off a couple weeks ago so I dont know if that is exacerbating his behavior or my feelings. But as of now I am not very happy with things.
He has the potential to be such a good father, but what’s a father if not a responsible man who holds down the household and provides for his family. I make more than him, and I’m trying to be patient while he finds his path, but it’s hard. He’s also a little younger…I’m 29 he’s 26.
Thinking of counseling before I make any big decisions. I constantly tell him how I feel, but he either resents me for it or maybe he’s not capable of the things I’m asking of him. Either way something has to give.
Just wanted to vent and get an outside perspective. Thanks for reading all of this.