- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
So I knew from the begining that I would be at odds with my parents and my future-in-laws about something but I had no idea that I would be fighting for what I feel are basic necessities of my wedding.
Just a brief background, my fiance’s parents are from Los Angelos and I am originally from Cleveland. In Chinese culture, the groom’s parents should take care of everything but umm…I’m sorry I grew up in America and I am American at heart. I want to follow American tradition and I want to be the one to plan this big beautiful dream wedding of mine. Slowly, the dream just seems to be “negotiated” down by mostly my Dad. My parents are paying for majority of the wedding. My fiance and I are merely 3rd year medical students a.k.a. not only do we not have money we probably owe 300,000 together…sigh. Anyways, like Jafar says in Aladdin “whoeverr has the gold makes the rules” and boy is that painfully true. My parents are very excited for my wedding and have already set aside funds for it.
Compromise 1. Nobody cares about decorations
The beautiful centerpieces and room decorations may possibly be gone. I’ve even tried to compromise to say I would DIY my centerpieces for much less than what the venue is charging us. My mother says “nobody cares about what is on the walls or on the table they just care about talking to their friends.” Sometimes, it’s not about what others care about, it’s what I care about. I have an image of my wedding in my head and I would be sad to not see that happen. I feel like I’m just throwing a big dinner for everyone.
Compromise 2. Either no honeymoon or a very short one.
My fiance’s parents are very very excited about having a banquet in California for us. I’m happy they are getting involved but I can’t help but feel bitter about having to give up a honeymoon. The banquet is the weekend after my wedding. Our medical residencies typically start a week after the banquet sooo depending on where we match for residencies, we may have to move halfway across the country, it may take us about 1 week to rent a uhaul, move all our stuff, not to mention find a place to live. Just feels like there is demand after demand and no room to breathe, no room to just enjoy each other. I’ve always wanted to go to bora bora. Don’t think that is happening. I can’t afford it and I just have a feeling my parents and his parents aren’t jumping at the chance to help us with that. They never had real honeymoons themselves. I admit they were married under more financially restrictive times and they’ve both worked hard and made it in America. But we could have the opportunity to have a dream honeymoon, but probably won’t happen. May just have to put it off for a year or so.
Compromise 3. No wedding photographer.
Per my FMIL and my mother, studio pictures are just as good. They said they hardly look at their own wedding photos. It’s just for memory sake and if it looks ok then that’s fine. Save money, save time, get good photos, go to a studio.
I just want to say wth. i didn’t realize I would have to fight for a wedding photographer. Not only that, my parents insist that it would be extremely rude to pay for anything. It would be saying that the wedding my parents and his parents are throwing us is not good enough. My father says it is the chinese way to just be happy with what you get from your elders. *cry* I think I may have to go behind their backs and hire my own wedding photographer with my medical school loans.
Sorry for all the whining. When the compromising starts getting overwhelming, I felt like I was losing MY wedding. I don’t feel like it’s my wedding anymore. The saving grace is that I am marrying the most wonderful man who is so supportive of me and what I want. Sigh. It’s going to be a rough year of negotiating (wedding is May 29, 2011).