- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
FI and I live in MD and are having a DW in Europe. I always thought I would be at home but some things started changing our minds.
1. FI has a huge family, and we don’t want a huge wedding. To invite his aunts, uncles, and cousins (but not children of his cousins) that alone is over 80 people.
2. FI has family issues with extended family and immediate family and we don’t want certain people coming. We arent going to invite some but others we are inviting knowing they can’t come. They brought drugs to weddings before and we don’t want that happening at our’s. My family would be offended and we’d be embarassed.
We decided this would be good for us to have a DW and are going to Europe. Anything closer and some family we don’t want there could still come and maybe behave badly.
My parents agreed that this is what we should do. A good many of my family can come but not FI’s which is what we want.
But now my mom is being lukewarm about the whole thing. We have a weird relationship anyway (half the time she’s sarcastic with me and can’t be sincere so its hard to know what she thinks). But I know my parents and brother (and his fiance) will be able to come, and I don’t have any grandparents. There aren’t really any people who can’t come holding me back.
She told me to invite my cousins or else not many people from her side will come. We agreed and I wanted to be fair to FI so we’re inviting his cousins too. Most of our venues require 60 or less but now we might be just over 60. I think she wanted this because my BROTHER who is LOCAL isn’t inviting any of the cousin’s from my mom’s side because his fiance “doesn’t know them very well”. A lot of times I’m punished for what my brother does because my mom feels more comfortable with me. We weren’t going to invite cousins because we have restrictions and FI has soooooo many cousins!!!!
Mom hasn’t said anything to try to guilt me I feel guilty (she’s good at that). We know that many guests we would like to come can’t come and we know that. We’re going to have an informal get together when we return. Its not like I’m “expecting” anyone to come, and I know many of my family members would love to go to Europe, but just haven’t had the opportunity to yet.
Nobody has to spend money, they don’t have to come and I don’t have any family members really close that can’t come. How do I talk to my parents? I feel like I’m being guilted. My friends say don’t worry about it where we’re going is amazing and people will thank us but I’m feeling like a bitch.
I spend 95% of my time pleasing other people I just want to not feel guilty for doing my thing the one time i’m allowed to.