Post # 1
The three of us have been really close friends for the last few years. I felt my matron of honor was pulling away from me a little bit right before the wedding but I also knew that she was really busy with work so I brushed it off. Now, it’s almost 2 months after the wedding and I still haven’t seen her since my wedding day. I have tried calling her a couple times and never got a call back. I tried texting her a few times and she just said she was busy and would let me know when she could hang out. Finally a few weeks ago we made plans to hang out and when I texted her to see what time we were getting tother she told me she was at the movies with her husband. Whenever I read facebook she is always posting about just hanging out or doing things with our other friends and they don’t invite me.
My maid of honor has also been avoiding me. I’ve talked to her a couple times and seen her once since the wedding, but that was only because I went to her house. I could tell the wedding was hard for her because she has been with her boyfriend 5 years and he doesn’t want to get married. She cried almost the whole way through the ceremony, which at the time I thought was sweet until I saw the pictures and she looks MISERABLE. I even had several people comment to me on how sad she looked. I felt really bad for her but was kind of hurt that she couldn’t even congratulate me or fake being happy for me.
On Wednesday I found out through another mutual friend that they and their significant others were getting together on Friday to hang out and had invited her. She told them she already had plans with me but she would see if I wanted to come. When she told me I played it off like I wasn’t hurt that she had to invite me, but I was. The next day I texted my friend and told her I was not feeling well and didn’t know if I would be able to make it. Long story short is I’m still sick today and wasn’t able to make it. I texted both of them sorry that I couldn’t make it because I was sick and never heard back from either of them.
I don’t know what to do, or how to approach them about this. I feel really hurt that they are making no effort to keep our friendship going. I realize people get busy, but to completely ignore someone who you say is your best friend just baffles me. Any advice on what to say or do would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
Did something happen at the wedding, or in the time leading up to it? It just seems weird to me that they’ve both cut you off for no reason….seems like too much of a coincidence. Thinking back did anything come up at the time that maybe you thought was ok, but perhaps isn’t?
Post # 4
Maybe they are being considerate friends giving you newleywed time? I really hate how people automatically think because their friends didn’t invite them to something means that they hate/dislike/jealous/have a problem with them.
Your MOH cried at your wedding- she was probably hapopy- not everyone is a pretty crier!
You should talk to her about how you are feelign that you are not as close as you used to be and how you miss her- but please don’t mention any of the stuff you have said here- it is pretty petty.
Post # 5
@sara_tiara: The only semi problem that came up was between my matron of honors husband and my husband. He was a groomsman in the wedding. About 3 weeks before the wedding he called my husband and said he might have to back out because he couldn’t afford the suit rental. My husband told him he should do what he had to do. We were both kind of baffled thought because out was only $60. He also said my maid and matron of honor spent a lot of money on the shower and bachelorette party. They never expressed that to me though. And my idea was to have it at my future MIL’s house to save money but they decided they wanted to rent out the clubhouse st my matron of honors complex. Other than that I really cant think of anything…
Post # 6
@j_jaye: How is it petty that I expect my best friends to invite me to things? It’s been two months of them claiming they have no time to hang out when I know for a fact that isn’t true. They have gotten together tons of times and planned numerous things without inviting me aol the while telling me they are busy with work. I don’t expect to be invited to everything, but to be invited to nothing is hurtful. And no, my maid of honor clearly was not crying because she was happy. I actually told her about my engagement before anyone else because I knew she would need to process it by herself before she could be happy for me. She said multiple times throughout my engagement how she wished out was her and why doesn’t her boyfriend want to marry her. I knew she was having a hard time so I just let it slide. But now, it’s really starting to bother me because she is ignoring me. Should friends be happy for each other?
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s petty for you to be hurt by this, but maybe I’m biased because I’m dealing with something similar. I’m not married yet, but the person I intended to ask to be my matron of honor has all but avoided me over the last few months. She has a child and a husband, so I know that she’s busy, but I also know she’s cancelled plans with me to spend time with someone else. I haven’t seen her in weeks, and she was supposed to come visit me for some girl time. The day before she was supposed to come, she called and told me that she had gone shopping with another friend of hers last minute and now wouldn’t be able to come visit me.
It hurts to not have your friends include you in things or feel like they are avoiding you.
Perhaps you should try mentioning that you miss spending time with them and would like to get together with them soon? Perhaps it will help.
Post # 8
I would be hurt too. Friendships are hard sometimes 🙁 My first thought is it’s highly likely their behaviour isn’t really related to you per se. You already know what your maid of honour’s problem probably is. Possibly the other girl has something similar going on, that you’re not aware of. Based on my previous experience, and what you’ve said, you have two options.
Option 1 is to take a hint, and stop trying to see them. Let them make the first contact. You have to be ready for the possibility that they might not, and you might never know why.
Option 2 is to force a confrontation of some kind (even by email). By which I mean, be upfront and ask why they don’t want to see you – say you know they’re not as “busy” as they claim because you have mutual friends and the joy of FB. You’re hurt by their actions because their friendship is very important to you. Have you done something to upset them? Again, you have to be prepared for this to go badly. You might get a horrible response and lose their friendship forever. You might get nothing, and not know why. Of course you might get something thoughtful and helpful (if difficult to read). This gives your friends a chance to tell you what’s going on (like I said, probably not to do with you). Either way, your friendship is likely to not be the same again.
I think what option you take depends on how important these girls are to you, how prepared you (and they) are to have difficult conversations, and what you want the outcome to be. I have gone the email route and the friendship took years to recover. I have taken a hint, stopped calling, and never heard from friends again. I’ve heard from them a year later, out of the blue. My sister did the confrontation by phone recently and while I think things were awkward for a while, the air was cleared and she feels much better about it. Whatever you decide, look after yourself and try to spend time with people who make you feel good. Some friendships just aren’t meant to last forever, and as much as that hurts (trust me, I know) it’s part of life and time (and other, more awesome friends) will help. Good luck.
Post # 9
@Alexis22: Do you think it’s possible they’re resentful of the money they spent? (I’m not saying that would be right, just throwing it out there).
I was in a wedding a few years ago, and both myself and the other bridesmaids were extremely resentful by the end of it. Now, this bride was EXTREME-I mean she didn’t ask her own sister to be in her wedding because she was overweight and she only wanted “pretty” friends as BMs (her words, NOT mine). She also had very high expectations of us all in terms of her shower, and bachelorette….not to mentiont he fact that the dresses were $350 before alterations. She insisted we go to HER hairdresser the day of-a guy who charged me $96 to STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR (which I am quite capable of doing myself-but this was never an option), and she then had the nerve to “confess” to us all that her biggets fear was she wouldn’t even “break even” on the wedding. Please keep in mind I was astudent at the time, so this was beyond out of my budget. Myself, and three other bridesmaids basically stopped talking to her after the wedding. We felt htat she treated us like glorified slaves/ATMs.
Now, I am QUITE sure you weren’t this bad, and I’m not implying you were….but what I am suggetsing is that money is such a sticking point for some people-is it possible this is part of the issue? I know one of your yours girls is already married-maybe money is tight, or maybe she feels she spent more on your wedding than you did on hers and is resentful of that? I’m only mentioning this because of what you said about the GM….again, I don’t think it justifies them not talking to you, espcially since you were quite close beforehand, but that could be part of it?
Post # 10
@sara_tiara: The money thing is the only thing I can think of. But, I asked them to throw my shower at my mother in laws house and all my bridesmaids (there were 4 others) wanted to contribute food or decorations but they refused their help because they wanted to make all the decisions. My bachelorette party was a day wine trading that they did end up spending quite a bit of money on but thats only because they forgot to include tax and tip when figuring out the total bill beforehand and then didn’t want to ask the guests for the extra money. To me that was an error on their part and when I found out I have them $100 to cover some but that was actually more than I could afford to give them. For the actual wedding I told them they could choose their own dresses or wear one they already had. My only stipulation was that it was black and above the knee. They both chose to spend around $75 on so new dress. I made them jewelry and the shoes were $16. I told them they could do their own hair and make up our had someone available for both for $85. I was told by EVERY other bridesmaid that they couldn’t believe how easy going I was being. I really tried hard not to strain anyones budgets and maske them all feel beautiful when up there with me. And, the two times they helped me with wedding projects they volunteered and I fed them dinner and we drank wine while doing them. I thought we all had a good time. I really care about their friendships otherwise I wouldn’t have chosen them to be my maid and matron of honor.I think I’m going to try and make a time to meet up with them this next weekend and see what happens. If they dint respond I guess I will email them and let them know how hurt I’m feeling and how much I want to keep then in my life.
Post # 11
@Alexis22: Hmmm…did they see a lot of you in the lead up to the wedding? I’m just wondering if they just need a bit of a break.
I know that this sounds bad, but I have been a BM 4 times and I know that sometimes, by the time the wedding rolls around, you just need a bit of a break from the bride…even if they’ve been wonderful. I’m not sure if it’s because you’re spending so much time with them that you see their quirks magnified or because it’s been “all about them” for months…but I have felt this way…oddly about the bride who I would say is definitely one of, if not the, closest friend I have. There was a fair amount about her wedding that was cray-cray, and it was pretty much non-stop wedding for the month before (with all the events, etc), so I just backed off for a bit. It’s not that I was resentful; I just needed some distance.
Now, to be fair, this didn’t last long (maybe a month?) and than things were normal…so this has gone on for a long time with you.
I would just ask them if there’s anything wrong. Go right to the point.