(Closed) Feel Like Crying and Could Use a Hug

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Has he spoken to his family?  Do they realize that by cutting it so close to the wedding they are taking a big risk of missing it?  Perhaps they haven’t thought of that?  Has explicitly told them that he wants them there ealier?  Perhaps they think they aren’t missing anything, but if he lets them know he plans to make time to visit with them, it will be ‘worth it’ to come early?

I think you are both right to be upset.  I would be.

Post # 4
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m so sorry! ๐Ÿ™

Did they give a reason? Maybe flights were a lot cheaper then? Or maybe they can’t take off work (or one person can’t and they’d all prefer to fly together, knowing they might get delayed and not wanting one person to deal with that alone, as it can be stressful)? Maybe they’re assuming you’ll be so busy with details and don’t want to get in the way?

I know I have a lot of OOT guests coming in, some familiy included, and we’re trying to plan structured stuff (lunch, an outing to a park, etc.) the day before the wedding so we can spend time with people. A lot of friends especially probably wouldn’t come otherwise.

If they haven’t booked non-changable flights yet, I’d give them a call and tell them you’d love if they could come earlier, and suggest getting together before the day of so they’ll know it isn’t just going to mean sitting around twiddling their thumbs.

Hope things turn out okay!

Post # 5
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would also be upset. Will you get to spend time with them the days after the wedding? Like rosychicklet said maybe they don’t realize how close they are cutting it. Talk to them. Let them know your concerns for cutting it that close to the wedding for where you live and at that time of the year really makes you both nervous they wont make it. Also let them know how important it is for you to have them there even if they can’t take part in the ceremony. Maybe they don’t think it is that important to you since they wont actually be at the wedding? Let them know.

Post # 6
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

I share your beliefs and my dd is marrying someone whose parents also won’t be there, so I understand how hard this is.  I’m getting a vibe that they may be distancing themselves a bit because they don’t feel specially included.  Can you write them a note and ask them specifically if they would come the day before, so you can all spend time together?  (In business it’s “asking for the sale.”)  Would you consider doing a small ring ceremony right before the reception starts and asking them to be there to do a reading or something like that?  A little prayer can’t hurt either.  Just remember to focus on the whole day and hope for the weather to be at its best.

Post # 7
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d be really sad, too! *HUGS*

Post # 8
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry you are feeling sad.  But on the bright side, have you read any of Mrs. Avocado’s posts?  She was an LDS bride and wrote about the temple ceremony

She said, “It is very difficult to tell someone that they will be unable to personally witness such an important event, but Mr. Avocado’s parents have been very understanding and supportive of our decision to marry in the temple. The private nature of this ceremony is actually the reason why we are having a separate ring ceremony as well. This ring ceremony will allow us to share our feelings for one another and about marriage with all of our guests, whether LDS or not.”

Would it be possible for you to do a ring ceremony, that way everyone felt like they were included in some sort of ceremony?  Plus, maybe you could use the ring ceremony as an excuse for them to come into town sooner because you could tell them you could use their help in the preparation for it. 

 

Post # 9
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Aw! Don’t feel badly for turning first to WB, it is an awesome community! 

About your FI’s family… it sounds as though they are LDS (since one of the parents will be able to attend the sealing), so they should be understanding. I agree with the posters above… I am curious if this is an intentional move on their behalf or if they really are just clueless. I could totally see them thinking that they just don’t want to get there early and be in the way… why not come in the day of? 

Regardless, I hope that you get it worked out with them and your FI can be happy with however it turns out. (Hugs)

Post # 11
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) I am unfamiliar with the traditions, but i agree with the pp that if they knew how important it was to him they’d probably be okay with flying out or driving out the day before to support him. 

Post # 12
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Well, it just seems like its self inflicted since you guys are CHOOSING to get married in a LDS temple to begin with. I mean you can’t expect his family to come in early or even the day before –especially when they can’t even witness the ceremony to begin with. It it really mattered to them, they would probably make it a point to be there early…

Post # 13
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Is your big reception the same day as the wedding ceremony itself? If that’s the case I think your FI really needs to talk to his family about coming earlier and to stress how important it is to him. I’d be very upset if it were me, too. I mean, it’s his wedding, after all, and they don’t get another chance to be there. On the other hand, if the ceremony and the reception are on different days and they are only talking about missing the ceremony date… I’m not sure you can blame them entirely, since they are not at all a part of it and not even allowed to be there. It sucks, for sure, but I’m not sure there’s much to be done about it that way.

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