(Closed) Feel like I'm loosing me

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was in a similar situation. We were technically engaged but I was waiting for the ring. Waiting for the ring is the worst part! It’s like you want it, but you also want to make sure it’s a ring you’ll like. When FI gave me my ring it was a solitaire, beautiful I might add, but it’s not what I thought it would be. But believe me, I fell in love with that ring instantly the moment he brought it out and showed me, because HE picked it out and he thought about ME when he bought it. 

So don’t worry, everything will be ok! The man you love is excited looking at rings, and as he’s looking at them and deciding on which one, he’s obviously thinking about the woman he loves, which is you 🙂

Post # 4
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

As an older bride getting married for the second time, I would like to give you a little advice. First, take a breath and RELAX! The very last thing that you want to do is have the subject of yournengagement ring causing fights. Getting engaged is supposed to be fun and exciting. Based upon your post, it has been anything but that!

Ok, now that you have taken a breath, let’s go thru the issue. First, don’t think that something is wrong with yoursellf just because you would like tonhave input on your ring. After all, with luck and hard work, you will be wearing this ring for the next 50 years. Lots of women want to help pick out their rings. My first husband surprised me with mine but he also knew that i wanted a round solitaire so it was pretty easy. My new fiancé wanted me to pick out the setting so it was perfect and then he picked out the diamond. He wanted me to have exactly what I wanted. There can be a couple reasons why your fiancé wants to do this all on his own. One reason could be that he is truly just a romantic, old fashioned guy and that is the way it had been done for years. Or – there could be some other reason. Sometimes men do not want to go together because they do not want you to know how much was spent on the ring. It is an ego thing – especially if he is on a tight budget. That’s why I think that the way we did it was a nice combination – my center diamond was a “surprise” but the setting was my exact dream ring. Maybe you could find a way to subtly give him this idea. Perhaps after a week or so you could tell him that some girl you know at work (or a friend of a friend ) just got engaged and say how excited she was when she got the ring even though she picked out the setting because it looked completely different with the diamond set. You could then see his reaction and it’s not you pressuring him. If you don’t think that will work, does he have a sister or mom who you could go window shopping with who could then give him advice or offer to go shopping with him? If so, the person doesn’t even have to disclose that you looked at rings together – she could just say that it is just hands down the prettiest one. OR – she could say that when she was with you recently you saw some woman’s engagement ring and you told her how absolutely stunning it was.

Give it some thought. But whatever you decide to do, STOP NAGGING him about it. Neither of you need the stress and and more importantly, keep in mind that you would rather have him as your husband wearing a not-so-perfect ring than have this whole issue blow up and cause some permanent damage to your relationship.

And remember, you can always reset the diamond into then setting of your dreams for your 5th or 10th anniversary!!

Hope this was at least a little bit helpful.

Take care!

Post # 5
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

FYI – I typed my post on my iPad and for some reason I tend to hit the “n” key when I am trying to hit the space bar – sorry for the typos!

Post # 7
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee

my husband was the kind of guy that totally wanted to pick out the ring himself and I am the type to want to try rings on. Well, I was going to be the one who wear it rest of my life so I felt really strongly about it:) I just put it in a way that he understood.  I mentioned that all my friends who went ring shopping thought they knew what they wanted until they tried rings on totally changed there mind on what they liked. Also that I tried on some of my friends rings and they didn’t look good on me because I have small fingers so I wanted to make sure the setting suited my finger good.  He agreed and we went to look at settings together but wanted to keep some fun stuff for him so I had nothing to do with the diamond. He spent hours on his own looking at diamonds and going back to the store over and over and he loved being able to pick that out. Maybe you can compromise like that? I ended up with the most amazing ring that I love and I love knowing how much thought he put into the diamond he picked out.

 

EDIT- and I want to add that before we went to look at ring I would have nightmares about the ring that he would pick out lol. I needed tobreath and relax too but felt so much better after we tried rings on.

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