Post # 1
Since I got married a few months ago, I find myself feeling lonely at times because my husband has a very busy job and when I get home from work nobody is around. I dont have many friends either. So I call family members to chat. But I get the feeling that I’m either calling too much or just lingering on the phone to the point where they excuse themselves to hang up.
Also, at my job I feel increasingly isolated since people I used to chat with don’t stop by anymore–I am the one who is making visits to their office. And usually they are busy so can’t talk much.
I try to keep myself busy as much as possible with activities like cooking, working out, shopping. And of coursE I work 40 hours a week–so it’s not like I have nothing to do. I just feel lonely.
When my husband is around I feel great, but obviously I can’t have him around 24/7.
Not sure what to do at this point. Part of me just wants to stop calling and contacting people all together just to give them space and hopefully they will reach out to me.
I really don’t know why but I feel that something is wrong with me that I’m the one who has to keep reaching out to them. Anyone else have this experience ever, or can offer any advice?
Post # 3
@temporary: Ugh. I swear I could have written this post today! I am in such a similar boat as you. My husband started his own business several months and works 12+ hours a day. I am a teacher, so I get home pretty early and I am home HOURS without him. We live in a new city, so I literally have no friends. I hate my job and my coworkers so that’s not even a distraction. Sorry for the rant. I have no advice, just empathy.
Post # 4
I sort of have this problem except I don’t talk to people. My husband works all the time and I really don’t have any friends. I have three dogs though and they keep me pretty busy. I hang out with them all night and watch tv. It gets boring but I read books, do puzzles and other stuff to keep me busy. If you feel like you are suffocating your family then try your best to not call them as much. I doubt they mind but I totally understand how you feel. Maybe you could start blogging or writing to keep you busy and have ‘someone’ to talk to. Good luck!
Post # 5
do you have a hobby you like? maybe join a gym, a zumba class, pottery, photography – whatever. it’s a good way to do something positive for yourself and hopefully meet some new friends. even if you don’t make lasting friendships, it’s a nice way to socialize with people you normally wouldn’t and keeps you from relying on the same people all the time.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@temporary: I think it’s normal to feel this way, you just went from a very busy time in your life: engagement/wedding/honeymoon to back to business as usual.
Personally I’ve filled my time with house fixer-upper projects 🙂
Post # 7
In a way it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person in this situation–since I really was starting to think that something is seriously wrong with me. It’s funny that it is only during the busiest times in my life–socially and work wise–that people are “drawn” to me and call me, make plans with me. But when I am truly alone and have nothing to do–that is when there is not a single phone call. I don’t know if you two have experienced that, but for me it’s a strange pattern. I guess I have to just make myself busy somehow instead of turning to people to keep me busy.
Post # 8
@peonyinlove: I do have interest in some hobbies–like I love yoga and always wanted to try various styles of yoga. But I have this anxiety about getting out and meeting new people and I don’t like to go to classes by myself. I also don’t ever approach people to make friends–they have always approached me, which is why I don’t have many. It’s weird but I feel this comfort with my family and longtime friends and I can’t get myself out of that zone–but I know it’s not healthy to just stick to the same people and expect them to fulfill every need.
Post # 9
@temporary: It’s possible that you’re taking everything to heart a little much – like reading into things. I know that when I am upset about something, I totally overanalyze. You said it yourself – your coworkers are busy. You’re supposed to work at work, so that’s only normal. Try to forget about that one.
As far as friends and family go, try calling a little less frequently. Try different methods, like email and texting so they can reply at their leisure. I wouldn’t just stop contacting them… that’s a bit drastic. Life ebbs and flows.. sometimes people are busier than other times. I doubt that they think you’re annoying or needy, but some people don’t really like to talk on the phone. Could you plan some fun activities that involve your friends and family? They might be more willing to talk if you’re actually out doing something.
Do you have a pet? Pets can really help with loneliness!
Post # 10
@temporary: Sorry you’re dealing with this. It can be so hard to make new friends as adults! Have you checked out meetup.com? There are tons of groups with all sorts of different interests that meet all over the place. You could join a book club or meet with other people who like to cook.
Post # 11
@temporary: i’d try and make a deal with myself – one yoga class a week. for one thing – it’s not crazy social, so it won’t be ‘strange’ that you’re coming alone (not that it is anyways) and it won’t leave you without someone to talk to.
or – could you ask one of these work friends/family contacts to go with you? even if it’s just one time, it might make you feel more confident the first time. also – then it’s not like ‘oh temporary’s always calling me’ it’s ‘temporary and i are DOING something together’ – better, yeah?
Post # 12
Also, check out MeetUp for groups in your area you might be interested in joining. It’s an awesome way to meet new people.
Post # 13
@temporary: Have you tried joining professional groups, volunteer groups or maybe some meetup groups to expand your circle?
Post # 14
@temporary: well, there’s nothing unhealthy about approaching new people. We all experience it some point or another.
What I find helpful is to practice with yourself, imagine you are in a roomful of people you don’t know and try to strike a conversation. Sometimes a little pep talk within yourself before events work too just to give you a little courage.
Post # 15
Personally, I loathe when friends call me without a subject to talk about. I tend to be quick and to the point, more of a problem solver than a conversationalist. Nothing is worse to me than a phone call without a clear stop point. Someone trying to start up a conversation with me while at work is just as bad because I’m already stressed out that I don’t have enough time, and here I am killing whatever time I did have.
However, I do really appreciate chatting one on one and spending social time together.
In other words: you could be my best friend who I love spending time with, but I just don’t communicate during work or by phone. However, if you asked me if I wanted to go get a drink at a new bar after work, I’d absolutely be down! Or if you asked me if I wanted to try river tubing this weekend, I’d ask when and where!
When you feel lonely, instead of grabbing the phone, maybe start planning a social event. You can invite a good amount of people and now you have something awesome to look forward to. Additionally, join a social group whether it’s knitting, hiking, kick ball, etc.
Giving yourself social events to look forward to will help you quell lonely feelings. Yes, you are alone tonight, but tomorrow you are going square dancing!
Post # 16
@BeachBride2014: I’m the same way. Friends and family all know I hate the phone.