Post # 1
So I am in a tough situation that I can’t do anything about and I know in the future is probably going to bring alot of hurt to my son. So here is some background……
My son is 3 (today is his birthday) his bio dad and I have not been together since early in my pregnancy. His bio dad wasn’t around much in the first few months but after getting together with his now ex girlfriend he stepped up and helped out with the push of his gf. She was great with our son and really encouraged and supported the relationship between my son and his dad. Also my son has 2 sisters ages 15 and 17 from his previous marriage.
Fast forward to the present.
Shortly after my son turned 1 his dad broke up with the gf. He managed to somewhat stay in our son’s life until he got his current gf. Since he has met her he has gone long periods of time without seeing our son. He now hasn’t seen him for 8 months and the time before that it was 6 months with only seeing him 1.5 months in between the absent times. Now this is with me trying to contact him numerous times to set something up and give him updates on our son’s life. He doesn’t respond to any phone calls or text messages. So his new gf has a son who is 4 which is fine but what hurts me the most is my son’s dad has taken in this little boy as his own. Watching him while this girl goes to her bartending job and pretty much doing everything a dad would do. I can count the number of times he has watched our son overnight on 1 hand and that is by his choice.
When my son’s dad is absent I try my best to keep him in contact with his sisters. Lately they haven’t been seeing him much maybe once every 1.5 months. So Tuesday night at around 8pm they text me asking to see him Wed. We were actually busy and I had a dress fitting but decided I would drop him off at there house during my fitting and pick him up after so they could visit with him. As Im pulling out I see the current gf of my son’s dad pulling in behind me. I wasn’t positive it was her so I text the oldest daughter and say “Is Jane at your house” about 20 minutes later I get a response “Yeah she was dropping off Joe so we could babysit” At this point I am pretty mad but I kept it to myself and skipped the dress fitting to go and pick my son back up because I was just really uncomfortable with the whole situation at that point. Sure enough this little boy is in the house not only are they babysitting but he’s staying the night at the girls house (this is my son’s dad’s ex wife’s house). He acted as if he is always there. Just seems like the whole family has replaced my poor son with this little boy and it hurts. I just don’t know how I will explain to him when he gets older why he was replaced. It is his birthday today and do you think any of them have tried to wish him a happy birthday? No and they didn’t show to the bday party we had for him a few weeks ago. I texted his dad to remind him it was our son’s birthday with no response. Just so hurt and fustrated.
Post # 3
I’m sorry about that. It’s a very difficult situation. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work. I don’t blame you for being frustrated. It’s a slap in the face. It’s just wrong.
The little boy you say is replacing your son is innocent in this. He’s coming from a broken home, and at least has a father figure. You’re worried about how you’ll explain why your son has been replaced by this other child. You don’t try to explain it; you don’t say he was “replaced”. These things will just scar him further. You could simply say, if he asks, that some fathers just don’t involve themselves in their children’s lives; it’s not right, and it’s not fair, but it happens, and your son has a mother who loves him very much.
Post # 4
I am just, so, so sorry.
All I can think to say is that when he asks, as one day he will, you say “sometimes there are people in the world who you want nothing more than to be in your life, but for reasons that no one but them can explain, they don’t want to be a part of yours. It is a hard thing to think about but in the end you must believe that this is for the best and forcing it would just cause more hurt” – or something to that effect.
I am really sorry. I hope your son had a happy birthday all the same. 🙂
Post # 5
This pisses me the F off!!! First off I will never I repeat NEVER be with a man that doesn’t take care of his child. When I say take care of I don’t mean MONEY I mean spending time with, teaching them things. Does his Girlfriend not realize that the same way he is treating your son might be the same way he will treat their child if they were to have one and then split up?
I would just leave him alone. I wouldn’t text, call or anything…I’m gonna just leave this alone cause it really pisses me off
Post # 6
@mrsjjohnson2b: I second this. It’s really, really messed up and I am so sorry. Sometimes I wonder if people like your EX even think about the kids in the relationship. The boy is his son…. regardless of what he feels for this other chick…. he has priorities to his own child and this is not fair to you or your boy.
I’m so sorry. I would also ignore it and try to move on and be happy without him in your lives right now. I’m just so sorry your son has to grow up like this right now. It’s not right and makes me mad as well.
Post # 7
I know it is hard, but I would focus on the people in his life that do love him very much. You aren’t going to change his father. All you can do is is provide him with all the other things he needs. Create your own traditions and special things, try to maintain the relationship with his sisters the best you can, and he will feel very loved.
Post # 8
I hate to hear stories like this, how can a father cause such pain to his own child, when it would take so little to prevent it? What a terrible situation to be in. I totally understand why you went and picked your son up, and am not questioning your decision at all, but I’m wondering if it might not be better for him to get to know this other boy, and spend that time with his sisters too? If he’s only allowed to be around his family when the gf and/or boy’s not around, it might only estrange him further. Again, you’re in an impossible situation and I’m in no way saying you did the wrong thing, it’s like they ambushed you.
Post # 9
That is horrible, poor little guy 🙁 Sadly, a lot (not all) men are controlled by their “other head”. This meaning, if they get a girlfriend who feels that their relationship with their children is important, then they will take care of their child and be responsible. Unfortunately, more often than not, men get with women who don’t want them to have anything to do with their kids. Because she is the one giving it up, your son’s father is going to comply with his girlfriend’s wishes. If that means shutting his own flesh and blood child out to father one who isn’t his, that’s what he’s going to do. I’ve seen it done so many times. It’s pathetic, really. I mean, his girlfriend can leave him at any time and her son will go on to have a different “daddy”. But, your child is always going to be his biological kid, no matter what. I have a feeling your ex is really going to regret this in the future.