Post # 1
So after taking J back after a year break and still no proposal in sight after 9 months back together I ended it. I had myself taken off the list a couple of weeks back. We were together 2 years before the break and then I ended it after it wasn’t moving forward. He is now 40 and I’m turning 36 on Friday just for some prospective.
I’m soooo tired of dating. I still look good and I feel good but I’ve dated so much and had so many failed relationships I feel like there is something really wrong with me. Either that or I just consistently pick the wrong guy.
So many people around me seem to have it figured out and are tucked away safely in marriages and I feel like a Sex and the City character 🙁
I have an 11 year old dog, I work out, I bought a house by myself, I have a job so what the heck?! Why is this so hard for me?!
Post # 3
@VikingPrincess: I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it must be so frustrating!
My advice would be to try dating someone completely different than who you usually go for, even if you think you may not like it. (Example: go for the sweet/quiet/sensitive type if you’re usually into the center-of-attention workout buff).
I think you are doing really great in life being so independent and moving forward! I’m so glad you didn’t just “settle” with this previous boyfriend, just because you felt you felt it was time to get married, and when you find that special someone you’ll be glad too!
I highly doubt there is anything wrong with YOU. A 40 year old man who can’t decide if he wants to marry someone after almost 3 years is the one with issues.
It sounds like you are already doing this, but I’d say focus on what you want out of life before being “tied down” so to speak. Travel and try new hobbies! Who knows who you’ll meet along the way 😉
Post # 4
@ValerieBee03: excellent advice!
@VikingPrincess: HUGS HUGS HUGS!
I know how you feel. I got married at 37 and it was hard getting my husband there! He was 51. But I do very strongly believe that if you really want something, somehow it comes to you. He will come! He will! Keep taking care of yourself and doing all of the great things you are doing.
Post # 5
@VikingPrincess: I feel your pain. I’ve wondered the same about picking the wrong guy and wondering if that is why it hasn’t happened for me as well. I feel the same-great job, great dog, take care of myself-what gives?
In your case, you’ve been on and off when a man who is now 40….I agree that it’s time to move on. Stay strong!
You sound like a wonderful bee. It’s hard to be dating in your 30s, but I’ve had some friends recently try a few dating websites using a groupon and it’s really working for them. There are men out there who want to be married too and are looking for the right one. Have you considered trying that?
Post # 6
@ValerieBee03: My advice would be to try dating someone completely different than who you usually go for, even if you think you may not like it. (Example: go for the sweet/quiet/sensitive type if you’re usually into the center-of-attention workout buff).
This x a thousand. Seriously – in my 20s, I kept dating “hot” guys with major commitment or substance or god knows what issues. It wasn’t until I spent a good amount of time being single and enjoying being single that I stepped out of my comfort zone, and boom! I met my FI. If you told me I would be marrying a corn fed country boy with a love of football and beer when I was in my early 20s, I would have laughed at you. But now? He’s perfect for me, and you’ll find yours too.
I am so glad that you got out of that relationship. That is the most important and hardest step that you can take, so kudos on that. Just focus on being good to you, and things will fall into place. 🙂
Post # 7
You guys are the best.
I feel like I’ve spent so much time being single and working on myself. It’s always the guys I’m not really interested in that are interested in me. The last guy I really liked turned out to be a freak though after I got to know him. Sucks!
As depressed as I am right now I am going to just take it a day at a time and take care of myself!
Post # 8
its prob. a good thing he didnt ask you. or you would be stuck with someone that sounds like wasnt worth waiting for. hang in there. you dont want to be with mr wrong when mr right does come around. dont focus on it too much. just like getting prego too. when you want it and keep thinking about it, then it takes forever! but as soon as you forget and just live your life. things happen. good luck and i hope it really does for you.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound like an incredible lady! I doubt it has much to do with you at all and more to do with immature men who just aren’t ready. You would’ve thought a 40 year old would have known earlier/made a commitment earlier, but unfortunately just being a certain age does not guarantee that level of maturity/personal-insight.
Like one of the PPs said, try dating outside your usual comfort zone and see if that nets you any progress. I know you’re probably so fed up with dating, but try not to get too discouraged!
Post # 10
I’m relieved for you that you decided to finally move on from this. At our ages we don’t have that kindof time to waste. Men have no bio clocks so they’re perfectly happy to drag things out if we allow it.
I agree with a pp who said to date outside of your usual type. I’ve read stats before that say most men who’ve never married after the age of 35 more than likely never will.
So I made sure to avoid them like the plague when I found myself dating again. I believe this to be true, I have a 40 year old brother who has yet to commit to his gf of 4 Yrs. He likes to throw her breadcrumbs to keep her around and hoping.
But we all know he won’t marry. I know eharmony has worked for me and many others on the bee. I noticed women who met their SO there are usually engaged within 1-2yrs.
So utilize all outlets. Go to meetups, check out books, dating coach, relationship counseling whatever it takes to get yourself out there again. Don’t give up hope.
Post # 11
@NickiBee: Thanks NickiBee, I really respect your opinions.
There was a post recently that really inspired me about how long is too long to wait and one of the posters was talking about how apathetic her husband was and always had been. That was very inspiring to me and made me see how things really were. Eventually you want to be with another grown up, not someone who makes you drive all the time. I want a guy who is actually going to take the wheel and bring up marriage himself when it’s time. I still love my ex but he wasn’t ever excited about anything let alone marriage. He said he wanted it but his actions didn’t back it up. How are you supposed to feel good about a relationship when that is going on? I deserve more than that.
Of course I’m staying on the Bee because I love hearing all the happy stories. I still have hope.