Post # 1
I may sound ridiculous as you’re reading this post. Everyone seems to think I am that I have explained this to, so maybe I can get some help from you all. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We have been talking about marriage as a definite in our future. Everything had a set plan and “order” to it. However, I just recently found out that I am pregnant and now everything is rushed. We are planning to get married just for us to have on paper (health insurance etc) and have a real wedding down the road. Except the problem is we got so excited and rushed into it that we both went together and he bought me a ring. ( a gorgeous beautiful ring at that). While he continues to be ecstatic and excited, I am left devastated at the thought that I will never get that “surprise proposal” or that “romantic proposal” that I always dreamed of. Why am I being so ridiculous..does anyone have any advice or suggestions that we could turn this into a situation that is a little more romantic?
Post # 2
angelica15: I found out my FI was going to propose (thanks airport security!) the weekend he did and that ruined the “surprise” but I didn’t let it ruin the thought. He loves me, wants to spend the rest of his life with me (and I with him). I think you are focusing too much on what you didn’t get that you are failing to see what you are gaining: a promise of a beautiful life together.
Take a deep breath, step back and work on making up for your disappointment in other ways–maybe you guys can have a romantic date where he asks again, or maybe you could propose to him? Or you can focus on making the wedding very intimate and romantic?
Post # 3
Has he actually proposed yet? If not, even though being proposed to won’t be a surprise, he can still surprise you in how he does it. I think most women know when the proposal is coming, but it doesn’t change how wonderful it is. If the proposal hasn’t happened yet, let him know that you want how he does it to be a total surprise.<br />
Post # 4
You’re engaged to a man you love. You’re going to marry him, have a baby with him and start your lives together. What is it, exactly, that you feel is lacking in the romance department? He loves you, is committing to you, and is, according to you, totally pumped about the baby and wedding. You have everything you need. Frankly, being so hung up on the super speshul Hollywood proposal screams “attention seeker”. You guys have made a bunch of grown-up decisions here, so my advice to you is: be an adult, focus on and appreciate what you have (because you have a sh*t ton to be grateful for and excited about), and don’t let the lack of “surprise” proposal overshadow what matters. Congratulations on your wedding and your baby!
Post # 5
Growing up we have a picture in our minds of how it’s going to be. The reality is, life just doesn’t happen on a written out schedule. You can still ask him to do a suprise proposal, it will be different but no less special. You are brining a life into this world, you are blessed, be thankful for all that you have.
Post # 6
at this point if you have the ring and you are happy with him you need to just get over the fact that you will never have a suprise proposal because, you’re right, you never will. When we found out we were pregnant I told my SO I wanted to put all engagement/wedding talk on hold until after the baby was born because I wanted to make sure that 1) it is about us an not the baby and 2)so that I still have that suprised feeling. You made your choice and that’s what you get. I get upset somedays wishing I had it the other way, but I have to be happy with my decision.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
A surprise, thoughtful and romantic proposal is a very nice moment but does not define how good or lasting your marriage will be and there are other more significant moments you will share with SO. Be happy at the fact he is so committed and excited about your new phase as a married couple and future parents. Wish you a long and happy marriage!!!
Post # 8
Life doesn’t follow our plans. Just let them go, be grateful, and adapt! I’m sure it’s jarring but relax and have faith- your guy sounds very loyal and you’re getting all you want. Just rearranged a bit. deep breaths!
Post # 9
angelica15: You got a “surprise” pregnancy instead of a “romantic” proposal, and the guy is excited and wants to marry you. And you think your plans were ruined? Count your blessings, honey. Life ain’t a fairy tale.
Post # 10
Thank you so far for your comments. I absolutely feel so much better just hearing those words. I know deep down inside I am truly happy for this to happen. Yes, I am very jarred as to all this happening so fast that I think I just started thinking negatively. I have so many things to be happy about and this was God’s plan for me.
Post # 11
angelica15: Ok, you could give him the ring back and ask him to give it you ‘properly’?
Maybe that is too forced though. What if you suggest exchanging a love note at a dinner out?
You can prepare it in advance and maybe reading the content at a candlelit supper will be enough to move you and be that special moment you are seeking.
Post # 12
I saw your post, and I totally understand how you feel. My “proposal” came suddenly when my now FI got a job across the country, and I told him that I couldn’t move with him unless we were engaged. So he took me out to dinner and presented one of my own rings as an engagement ring, because we had no time for anything else.
I felt really bad and dissappointed about it for months, because I had always wanted to be surprised and have a big romantic proposal. I think two things that really helped were:
1) My FI and I planned a short week-end romantic trip after we moved as a “celebration of our engagement”.
2) Planning the actual wedding has been so exciting, that it makes me think less and less of the proposal
Focus on your baby and your wedding!! Those are much more exciting life events than a proposal. And don’t feel guilty about being disappointed. If it was something you really wanted, of course it’s natural to feel disappointed! It will ease as time goes on. Good luck!