Feeling so guilty about the expenses of our wedding… :(

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 4
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@OnceUponATime:  I’m the same way.  I actually confessed to FI the other day that I wished we just did a small DW.  I’m not the type that likes people to fuss about me and I feel like the planning has gotten out of control. 

In my area, I”m having a fairly thrifty wedding at about $35k and I still feel it’s crazy.  I have friends have $70k+ weddings who don’t seem to mind, but it’s just me.

I really just want to go on my honeymoon and relax!

Post # 5
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I do! BUT at this point what’s done is done & our deposits are already in so we’re forging ahead. I definitely wish I could go back & spend less…it just seems like a lot for just one day & we could certainly use it for a house! We’re still spending much less than the average here in Orange County but it’s still a lot!

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh no! *hugs* it sounds like your parents want to spend the money though.  Try to let it go and just enjoy your amazing wedding!  Or cut down on extras and do more DIY if it’s really painful for you to spend that much of anyone’s money.

Post # 7
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I was in the same boat as you! My FI and I wanted to elope in Scotland, but our travel agent advised us against it beause of possible legal reasons. We decided to do a private ceremony and a celebration with our family and friends. We wanted something low key and my mom offered to call the place I was interested in for the reception, so we told her “ask them how much their cheese and fruit platters are”. Next thing I know we are having this huge amount of food and wine for $14/person not counting the price of the DJ, decorations, and to pay the place to clean and serve food. I kept feeling worse and worse about it. I finally took matters into my own hands and now we are having a barn reception (free! Thank goodness) and we are having barbecue ($150 for five trays). I am asking a family friend to DJ for us so that won’t cost much either. My entire wedding including the Scotland trip is costing less than $10,000 and I am pretty happy about that.

 

Really what I am saying is that if you feel bad about it then there are always ways to cut costs and still enjoy yourself!

Post # 8
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I shared it and still do. I think we ended up spending about 8k (not too sure). I don’t regret it cause it was a lot of fun, but to think that I could have that money and still be married…

 

no advice other than try to enjoy it. your parents wouldn’t pay it if they couldn’t afford it

Post # 9
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Totally know what you are going through.  Our venue is probably goin to be around 17k for 60 people, our invitations turned out more expensive than what we thought, music.. flowers… so on and so forth.  I think about how that money could have been used to put a very nice downpayment on a home.  Sadly, or fortunately(?) we have family who feel this is a very important thing, for both sides.  I try to think of it that way, its a big celebration for both families and one of those things that hopefully will be memorable for everyone (as a family unity thing rather than some grand stand production).  As long as we aren’t going in debt, which we aren’t, I think its okay.  But always remember, this is your wedding and make sure its what you want which includes going a bit more frugal on some things! For example, I’m seriously considering getting an ipad playlist going.  We are not dancers, nor is the majority of our guests, so why book some tacky dj.  So if flowers isn’t your think don’t go all out crazy on them!

Post # 10
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I totally know how you feel.  I originally wanted a backyard bbq because the thought of spending thousands of dollars on one day when the money could be put towards  a down payment on a house seemed crazy.  My fiancee was more into the whole venue and big day so we settled on a nice Inn on a river. We are lookin at about $12,000 for 80 people. My fiancee said to me the other day that he wished we had gone with the backyard bbq! 

I am still having a hard time swallowing the costs. Thankfully my parents are paying for the venue costs which is about $5000. 

There are certainly ways to cut down on costs. Do lots of research for prices. Try to find people who know someone who could be a possible vendor.  Write a budget for each item and put what the max is you want to spend and stay within it.  Your happiness and sanity is most important!

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@OnceUponATime:  oh I feel for you! I just had a little breakdown with my FI last night. We are planning well within our means, but we are by nature simple, not wasteful people and everything about this one day is feeling SO wasteful. I know its a special day to remember but it is just SOOOOO much money.

Post # 12
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If any of you have lots of flowers, please have them delivered to a nursing home the day after your wedding. (Just a caveat–please let the Activity Director know ahead of time-as they are extremely busy keeping everyone happy and busy- so that they know to and can plan ahead and have time to get vases ready!) It really brightens up their day and dinner tables, and their spirits to have fresh flowers. 

Post # 13
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@Honey-Bee:  Totally agree. It just seems like a waste. I mean, it’s your wedding day, you only get one, blah blah blah but c’mon! I feel really guilty a lot too…

@OnceUponATime:  You can simplify things maybe? No one notices decorations or flowers really… it’s hard to mess those up ya know?

Post # 14
Member
3112 posts
Sugar bee

@OnceUponATime:  Are there things you can cut out?  It won’t be too long before your wedding becomes a distant memory and all you have left are the pictures.  Which is why I spent the biggest part of my budget on the photographer!  I skimped on pretty much everything else, and I don’t regret it a bit 🙂

Post # 15
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I totally understand!! My parents said, “here’s $X and you can spend it how you want.” HOWEVER, they had almost 100 people to invite, they refused to have it in their backyard and every venue where we live is at least $15K, they booked a ridiculously expensive band, and said we had to have open bar. So basically all the money was spent and it’s a really expensive wedding. It will be beautiful and wonderful and I am so grateful, but I hate to think about how much money it is costing!! 

Post # 16
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is seriously me every day. I’ve started to let go of it though because every single person around me keeps saying “It’s your wedding. You only get married once, so do it the way you want and don’t be so concerned with money.” If the funds are there and the only thing standing in your way is guilt, don’t feel guilty. If the funds weren’t there, I’d say otherwise, but don’t feel guilty if you’re happy with the things you’ve picked out. 

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