- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
This is a little long, so feel free to skip the first part – it just involves the usual complaining about in-laws….
I’ve vented about them on here so many times. My future in laws are…difficult. They’re not outright abusive and they don’t do anything that’s worth us cutting them out of our lives, but after this past week, I can really see fiance going that way.
We spent Christmas eve and day with them (after much nagging and moaning on their part), and pretty much the whole time was FFIL complaining about how fiance lives his life and FMIL hassling fiance about wedding stuff. I’m pretty lucky in that they love me and are generally pretty polite to me, but they still treat fiance and myself like we’re children (we’re 25 and I’d like to think we’re pretty mature for our age).
They cracked it when we left on Christmas afternoon so we could go see my family – even though all of Christmas with them was incredibly awkward and just them whinging at fiance over not visiting enough, not calling enough, not speaking to them enough when he does visit.
The Saturday following Christmas, they showed up at our house unannounced with some of their friends, despite knowing we had friends over for the weekend and that I was working that night. We were also planning on visiting on Monday, but there was a change of plan and we decided to visit on Tuesday instead. When fiance called to let them know, FFIL complained about him not visiting enough, then FMIL called later to say pretty much the same.
We just got back from visiting them today and all they did was complain at fiance – nothing really overt, just not-so-subtly putting him down, speaking in an aggressive voice, etc. FFIL even complained when fiance said he didn’t go to a New Year’s party last night (it’s my brother’s birthday, so we went to his place for a BBQ and were home in bed by 10pm), all because FFIL believes a “real” man drinks when he’s partying. FFIL also gave fiance some money for the wedding (that they insisted on giving us), then complained the whole time as if we’d had to twist their arm for it.
The actual story
The whole drive home, fiance was livid at his family for being so rude to him all week. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so frustrated and angry. When we got home, fiance realised he’d forgotten to speak with his parents about them visiting mine this weekend (the wedding is at my parents’ property) and his parents have been talking for ages about going up there to discuss wedding plans with my parents (because they can’t discuss it with fiance and I because we’re just “children”). Fiance explained what times this weekend my parents were available and asked FMIL to call my parents to arrange something. FMIL refused to contact my parents, asking fiance to call them, then call her back, then call my parents again to finalise the plans (my parents and the in-laws have met quite a few times and gotten along well).
I ended up calling my parents to let them know (and get them to call the in-laws), and when I hung up, fiance looked miserable. He had spent all week getting insulted and spoken down to by his parents, but when I’m on the phone to mine, dad and I were joking around for 20 minutes before actually saying anything relevant, then mum asked for the phone so she could say how much she loves me. My family are always like this to everyone – they’re like the Mormon family from South Park crossed with the Fockers from Meet the Fockers.
It just feels so unfair that I can have a family that is so easy to get along with and open and loving to anyone and everyone, yet fiance’s family can’t speak to him without criticising him or putting him down. They can’t even do him a favour without acting like it’s the hardest thing in the world for them.