Post # 1
Hi bees. New male bee here. I know I’m few and far between when it comes to male bees LOL!! First off let me tell you a bit about myself. I live with my mom and her old man BF, unemployed (haven’t had a job in 8 years!) and I’m engaged to my SO who I’ve been with for nearly 12 years. She lives with her parents too but she has a job. We got engaged in Sept. of 2011 and I love her very much. However over the last few months I have been searching for jobs so I can earn more money (I’m on disability by the way) and hopefully move in together by next spring/summer. I was hoping that would have happened this summer but I know that will have to wait. I’ve been telling her I’m sick and tired of us living with our parents. She said get a job and it just has to take time. Then I said you know it’s hard to find a job these days. So I’ve been trying and trying and finally yesterday I got a call for an interview for a janitorial job. I told her about it and she told me that she can’t see me doing any of that kind of stuff. I said yes I know I’m usually lazy when I’m at home but then she said you can’t even clean your own car. Yes I can if I’m motivated to do it. I told her it is a job, I may or may not like it but I’ll take any opportunity when given one. I know I can motivate myself to do that kind of work. Yes maybe I would rather stock shelves in a store or anything else I had previous experience in but I never got a call from any other business I was most interested in. Finally I feel I should just go for it it’s the only job offer I’ve gotten so far. I wish she would just show me a little more support for possibly getting the job after being out of work for 8 years. I even asked her how are we ever going to live together and get married and have kids if you’re the only one working when you only work 32 hours a week. She says I just don’t know, you could never keep a job in the past. But this is 8 years later. I’m gonna say at the interview for the first time in my life that I have a disability but I am more determined than ever to work. I forgot to mention this is the same company that called me 3 weeks ago when I wasn’t home and I called them back and they said they had already filled the position. So 3 weeks later I was shocked to hear from them again and saying they have an open position and asked me if I was still interested and I said yes. Interview is this Saturday morning and I would’ve even been happy if I was offered a part time job but this is a FULL TIME job 40 hours a week!! I think that could be great for just a start and the hours would be 5pm to 1am which would be perfect for my schedule. I’m exited and all that but at the same time I still feel a bit sad that my fiancee thinks I can’t handle it. Maybe I’m just overreacting? Am I doing the right thing? Thoughts?
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, and I think it’s kind of mean that she has no faith in you! But at the same time, you gotta look at her point of view and see why she feels that way. 8 years is a long time to go without a job, so you might have to prove to her that you’re serious about saving enough money for the both of you to be able to afford your own place and to get married. I think I would have to tell my significant other how I felt though, and let them know that them calling me “lazy” and reminding me that I couldn’t keep a job in the past isn’t helping things now, so I’d appreciate it if they’d be supportive instead of so pessimistic. Maybe not in those words though lol.
Congratulations on the interview- wishing you luck and hoping that it’s the right fit for you! Seems like things might start to look up for you- stay motivated!
Post # 4
@GuyBee24: Because you are the one who has to do the work, she doesn’t get to decide if you are up to it. Kudos for wanting to improve your life. I have invoices all over our house, that doesn’t mean I don’t file things away at work… there is a significant difference. Take the job and see how it goes, she’ll come round I am sure.
Post # 5
Congrats on the interview. I’m not sure if you should mention your disability in your interview though (I don’t know what kind of disability you have but if it affects your ability to work they may frown upon it) I hope everything turns out great. Don’t worr about your FI, she’ll come around.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
Many many well wishes to you for your interview! I hope it goes well and you can start building a future with your lady <3
I do think what she was saying was a bit unnecessary but she could be worried about getting her hopes up and is trying to deflect as a result, I’m sure she’ll come around 🙂
(also going to second the comment that how you are at home shouldn’t affect who you are at work 🙂 I work in retail so good customer service and neat folded clothes are a must, at home I’m an antisocial loser who’s clean clothes stay in the basket for a week XD)
Post # 7
I think she was just trying to look out for you. She probably just doesnt want you to be miserable at work! That being said you need to just prove her wrong! Best of luck! 🙂
Post # 8
@GuyBee24: yes I guess she’s looking for you to “prove her wrong” she doesn’t really have any history to go on with you in terms of how you are at work so that may take time. HOWEVER. She does not get to belittle you or put you down in anyway. You are trying to better your life and you have to start somewhere, for her to put you down and make you feel terrible is not acceptable behaviour from a partner. Do not entertain these conversations with her. Just do your thing, go to work and keep your chin up!
Post # 9
@MaidMarian: That’s exactly how I am when I’m at home! Tomorrow morning is the interview and today she apologized and wished me good luck. I feel a lot better about it now!
Post # 10
@GuyBee24: I’m glad you’re feeling better, and I hope her faith in you continues to grow.