- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 1999
I’m having a bit of a down day and need a bit of soft (or hard!!) lovin’.
So basically: I went to the docs today for my contraceptive injection (which is probably why I am so emotional lol) and I noticed on the computer screen thing that I am in the BMI of ‘overweight’. I, personally, don’t feel I am but feel ‘labeled’. It brought up like a mini ‘warning’ thing on the screen saying I’d put on this much in this time etc. I personally don’t feel oevrweight (though I am medically) but it just suprised me seeing it on screen.
Also I am having my hen night soon and one of my bridesmaids and one of my bridesmen can’t make it. I totally and utterly understand, and I told people I understood it was a big ask inviting them to attend (esp those who live far away). So I did expect them not attending as it is well over 400 miles to get from where they live + the time and money implications given they have a wedding of their own on the way. Even so, I am a teeny bit sad (I have not let my friend know this as I don’t want to put pressure on her) that they can’t attend. This was made somewhat worse by her contacting me recently about HER hen. I said I may not be able to attend (long way away, time, money etc) btu would see what I could do. She then replied saying ‘But I really want you to meet my cousins before the wedding’ (who are her other bridesmaids). I, again, undertand that, but I would have loved for her and her h2b to meet the rest of my bridesmaids and men – but I didn’t say (I know, I knwo, I shoulda). I just feel a bit… I dunno… sad, really coz I’m so weak I didnt say that I was sad they were not going to make it and also coz I didnt stand up for myself about not being able to go to hers. I feel like I have been guilted into it. That sounds harsh, and I love to see her, but I feel… pressured like I didnt pressure her.
This is combined with the fact I have recently admitted to myself I have depression issues and major issues with letting people trample on me and me not admitting my feelings properly (and doign things for the good of others etc) has just made me a little upset.
There has also been a few things she has said about the wedding which have hurt my feelings. She is a ‘get it all out’ kinda girl and I am a ‘take it all’ kinda girl and it’s just bruised me recently. My parents are paying for the wedding whilst they are financing theirs themself. I realise that must be hard – the fact I am havign an easy wedding, but in reality my dads paying because really he wants to see me married before he dies and also I know she has had money from her parents for other things (uni, house, living expenses, pocket money etc)and I never brought it up with her in a negative way liek she has done with me. She’d just been a bit… snappy with me – which I understand as -comeon! – wedding planning can get tricky – but things like ‘we’re preferring to give our gests a live band rather than go away by ourselves for honeymoon’ do hurt my feelings. Now, she’s not being intentinally mean or nasty or trying to be bitchy – it is just unintentionally hurting my feelings. I am ridiculously emoitional and it’s just getting to me.
Please don’t think I am mean or anything but I just need to get it off my chest. I don’t want to upset my bst friend by bringing these thigns up …so I needed to just say them out if that makes sense. The oevrweight winge bit – that’s just me being silly – ok so I need to drop a KG or so, it’s no biggy – im just letting the hormones get to me.
I’m also constantly worriedabout my dad and his being ill and that his next scan will show up some more cancer and that he may not make it to the wedding. I knwo this is stupid too coz he is just so well!!! But…last years bad luck still haunts me, and it’s coming up to the annoversary of my grand parent’s deaths so I think I am just all over.
I think also generalty weddingy planning stuff is getting to me ‘omg ‘ive not done the cars/suits/hair/makeup/invites/favours etc yet’ too lol! As I say I’m havign a baaaad day! lol esp as fiance os on a late so I wont see him til a bit later tonight. Sorry guys! I’m just making my garter so getting crafty-love! ;p