Post # 1
I’m new to the boards, I’ve been engaged since the end of March 2012 and we are planning on getting married the summer of 2013……yeah we don’t really have a date yet…….I’m hoping my being flexible is a good thing?
So we have been toying around with the idea of eloping with our parents which I would love to do. We have found a great little elopement package which isn’t too expensive. I figured this was a fun and cheaper way of getting married then spending $10,000 on people we see twice a year and friends that we aren’t very close with. But the package only includes 2 days accomodation….and I really wanted a nice honeymoon for at least a week. Also the package doesn’t include weekends…
BUT then my FI decides he wants a reception HERE as well……he just wants to have a picnic thing which I think is great but the only place we can have a picnic reception is in a public park……where there is no alcohol allowed. And I don’t know how I feel about a public park reception…. So now I’m looking at restuarants around our city that can have about 40-50 people and looking at these prices is making my hair fall out, the whole point of eloping was to SAVE money not spend MORE.
I feel a bit frustrated with my FI to be honest. I’ve been the one running around looking up venues, caterers and everything alone and he gets to suggest things and have me do all the work. He won’t even talk to me about money and budgeting without giving me some attitude and I’m frankly tired of the attitude. This reception will consist of 6 of my friends and the rest of HIS family and family friends…..and I’m doing it all? He keeps brushing it off because we have so much time and I’m looking at him like “well yeah….it takes a year of planning….we have to get started now or else we won’t have venues to choose from later.”
I’m just feeling a bit frantic because I have no direction at all, at least if I had things booked and secured I could worry about silly things like table cloths and centerpieces but I don’t even have an IDEA of what our wedding will consist of and I’m getting very little help at all.
So Bees, did you have a reception once you got back from your elopement? And do you have any ideas at all? Since I’m getting no help here at all execpt grand ideas from FI, parents and the inlaws…..
Post # 3
Our friends rented a room at a local bar, served appetizers and cocktails. Was nice
Post # 4
If you wanted more than 2 night’s accomodation, why not stay there longer or go somewhere else? If you did do a weekday wedding, would you parents be able to take off work to join you?
We’re having a weekday elopement (this Tuesday in fact!), and FI’s parents are our witnesses. They are retired so Tuesday is nothing to them. However, they are driving 800 miles to go see this wedding! We’ll hang out with them a few nights prior to the wedding since they did drive all that way to see us.
I am not sure if we’re having a celebration party when we return. A good friend of mine did offer to throw a party for us.
Honestly I don’t have that many friends in my town, they all moved away! And this friend even lives out of state! So I am not sure if I want her to throw a party or for us to jst have a private dinner to celebrate. I really don’t want people to think that they need to give a gift, I think that is my main reason for not wanting a party and just not having really good friends here, mostly acquaintences.
If I were you, I’d say to your FI, “I noticed that when I bring stuff up about the wedding, you seem to get a little snippy. I feel anxious that we don’t have any set plans yet, so that’s why I bring this up. But I get the feeling that you dont want to do this. What is the real issue?”
My FI got a little tense in the early stages. I told him that I felt anxious about not having any plans, and when he didn’t want to talk about it I felt like he didn’t want to marry me. On the contrary! He did want to marry me, but he said whenever I brought it up I spoke with tension inmy own voice, which made him tense! He also did not realize of such details when planning a wedding either. We got it all sorted out after a very simple conversation. Notice there are no blamings – just “I feel” statements.
Post # 5
We’re eloping in a few weeks, but we are going to have a 1st anniversary party next year as an excuse to have all our family and friends together without having to do too much planning. As for planning my FI doesn’t care about any of it, our elopement is in the middle of our trip to Asia which I’ve planned all by myself. I enjoy the planning though and he trusts that I am good enough at it that he will enjoy himself no matter what. One thing I do to include him though is to get information and then let him choose from it, so in your situation since he’s the one that wants the reception, I would put together all the information from the venues in a spreadsheet or typed out in some organized way, give it to him and tell him “We need to make this decision by such-and-such day to make sure we are able to book this and to have a nice reception”(maybe explain to him too that EVERYONE wants a summer wedding and that’s why you need to act fast with reserving things like this) This way you put the ball in his court and things should be easy enough for him to look over and on the day you set you can go over the ones he chose and make a final decision together. Also regarding the budget I would do the same sort of thing and just research the costs that will be associated and show him the range of prices for all the things you guys may want at the reception.
I hope that helps. Goodluck with the planning, I hope it gets easier for you.
Post # 6
@jtsing: thank you that is kind of what I had in mind as well… maybe we will go that route.
@sienna76: thanks for your thoughts….the reason why I can’t stay longer is because of money tbh…it costs $500 a day just to stay in the room but I like the idea of going to a different place, just have to figure out logistics.
His parents are retired and my parents are in stable jobs where they are able to take time off whenever. We are lucky in that respect.
I actually had a question, I noticed you were eloping in BC (where we are from, I was looking to elope on the sunshine coast), how did you broach the subject of travel to his parents? I just worry that they will think we are expecting too much from them when asking to either drive or go somewhere further…
Thanks for the tips with regards to FI, I’ll give it a shot. I don’t mean to sound like I’m blaming him, its probably because I’m a bit stressed.
@StinaBremm: I don’t mind planning so much but I do wish I could bounce ideas off of him and have him kind of interested. He talks about the wedding with his parents and has ideas and then comes to me and is like “oh we spoke about it and we figured it best to do X” and I’m sitting there looking at him thinking, why can you talk to them about it but if I bring it up its blown off. I’m just feeling annoyed, I know its probably nothing too serious but it kind of hurts. You are right about getting the information part down and again I don’t mind doing that I just wish we could actually have a plan set and deal with it instead of airy fairy ideas him and his family think up and then I have to figure out how to work.
Anyways thank you for listening to my rantings I just have no one to talk to about this and feel a bit hurt and frustrated.
Post # 7
“I actually had a question, I noticed you were eloping in BC (where we are from, I was looking to elope on the sunshine coast), how did you broach the subject of travel to his parents? I just worry that they will think we are expecting too much from them when asking to either drive or go somewhere further…”
We just asked them if they’d like to be our witnesses. But we totally understood if they could not go as we only gave them 20 days’ notice. FI and I have had quite the ordeal of a wedding planning (cancelled a 75 person wedding, my dad died, my family is apathetic, not sure where to go), and his parents were really the only solid, drama free people and they were exctied for us. They told us they would be there wherever we’d have it, if we wanted them there.
So they sat on the offer for 3 days, and called us to day they’ll be there. Very sweet!
They have an RV, and passports. They were just in Banff last year, but they are taking a new route so that they can see new things this time. We’ll all meet up in Field, BC and camp together one night, then we’ll go to Emerald Lake for our lodge for 3 nights, but still hand out with them the day before and the day of the wedding. So 3 nights with them. Then they’ll turn around and go home. They are taking 4 days to get back to Oregon.
Post # 8
Here’s a little Painted Boat inspiration elopement shoot.
FI and I are going to be camping more than we are hotelling it. We’re doing the lodge at $500/night but the campgrounds have showers which I am fine with!
Post # 9
@canyouhearmenow13: Wow that sucks. It sounds like him and his family are making plans and you’re the magical errand girl who just makes it happen without getting any input? You said you’re only going to have 6 people attending the reception as your guests, does that mean you aren’t as picky about how the reception goes or if there is one?
Honestly if I were in your situation I would just stop worrying about the reception and let FI handle it if it’s so important to him that it has to be the way he and his family wants. Which would still be hard for me because I can be a control freak even if it’s not something I care too much about, but on the other hand I like to throw fits too so I would probably throw a tantrum and yell about if he doesn’t want to discuss any of it with me he can go plan everything with his family and just tell me when and where to be…
Post # 10
If he wants something like a picnic, maybe you could find a farm or a country club or garden club that would allow you to bring in a tent or even set up tables outside to create a picnic atmosphere.
I would be very frustrated and frankly cheesed off if my FI kept telling me what he wanted and didn’t help at all or even openly discuss it. But then, I do not take orders well. If he wants it a certain way then he needs to give more to you than he is. If he doesn’t then he can’t complain about the end result.
Also, I thought that the whole point of eloping was to avoid the party to a certain extent? Whether do to not wanting to spend the money or having limited time to plan. We are having a full fledged wedding and we are going to have 50 people. If you do decide to do the 50 people reception, why not have a ceremony too? I am just curious. 🙂
Post # 11
@StinaBremm: Haha, oh don’t worry I can have my moments as well. I’m just tired of arguing over everything so I’ve kind of just shrugged everything off.
I do care about having a reception but at the same time I don’t. I have NO family here other than my parents, my family is all over the map and are unable to afford to attend so in way I’m a little sad about that. FI is lucky he grew up here so he has everyone close by and can invite them. I just feel like the reception really doesn’t have my heart in it and would just be about his parents, his family friends etc. and my friends that I DO have I’m having issues with so I just feel like I’m not close with anyone and that other than my inlaws, FI, and my parents, no one really is special enough for me to want to spend this special day with. But then I’m torn because I would like to have a huge deal celebration like this since it is a once in a life time deal.
@Firinne: I completely agree about the elopement part…but its hard because he does care about these people. I suppose it just brings to light how empty my side of the reception is and kind of makes me feel sad 🙁 which is why his parents suggested this to begin with (eloping), because they knew about my situation. (very thoughtful)…
It doens’t make sense to do it that way I agree, but I figured if the reception was affordable than I wouldn’t mind it so much.
I don’t know I guess I’ve got some thinking to do and some talking with the FI
Post # 12
@canyouhearmenow13: My FI is in the same boat as you where he is only going to have about 6 or so people on his “side”. But once we are married his side is my side too! We are all family at that point. I know it is hard to not have some people you wished would be there. I will have a number of people who won’t be there for various reasons. But FI just wants to get married and party. He won’t be thinking of his guest count when he see’s me in my dress, I promise you that!
Have the party YOU want, regardless of guest count. 🙂
Post # 13
We are having a reception a week after we get back from our honeymoon. We are having it a park, but we weren’t concerned with not having alcohol. We are having it catered by a sandwich place, and supplying the rest of the food. It’s going to be about $500 for everything when we are done, so we are still WAY under a traditional wedding budget. I will post pics when it’s over 🙂
Hope you can figure out a situation that works for you both!