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Well, keep in mind that some might be sending gifts to you from your registry. We had a lot of people do that at our wedding b/c they didn't feel comfortable dragging a gift box all over town, and then having us drag it home. So they shipped it when they knew we were back from our honeymoon.
A lot of Gen Y is just ignorant of customs, like wedding-gift giving, until they actually do something that makes the issue come up. Since a lot of your guests aren't married I'd consider it ignorance rather than deliberate rudeness. I'd still take the high road and get presents for them when they get married. Hopefully they'll feel bad about not getting you a wedding present and maybe get you something for your anniversary or take you out to dinner.
@rachelss: I agree, I think it's probably ignorance for most of them. They are 30 but for the most part they are unmarried. This type of etiquette has been drilled into me by my parents so I guess I am just shocked.
I am planning on getting them gifts for their weddings but I know they will never make it up to me, they're just not like that.
Frankly, I was a quite surprised by the number of people who didn't bring us cards or gifts. I thought, like 2peasinapd suggested, that people would just wait and send a registry gift. But its been almost 6 weeks, so at this point I'm pretty sure there are no more gifts coming. Some of my closest friends came to two bridal showers, and brought gifts, so I'm not thinking of them at all.
Hmm...it's probably ignorance on their part I would think. We only had one couple who didn't get us a gift for our engagement party and I doubt they'll give a gift for the wedding. I don't mind but FMIL is irritated because she always gives gifts to this couple's children and their graduations, marriages, baby showers, etc. I think it's frustrating when you always give gifts at weddings (I know I do) and there are some people who don't follow in this tradition.
uumm some people think they have a year! My mom got my good friend a wedding gift and it took her 6 months to get around to mailing it! We had the same thing though, most of our friends who are our own age ish didn't get us gifts, or cards or anything. We only had 65 people so everyone was on the A-list so to speal. I don't want the gifts for the sake of the gifts, but a card would be nice since we hand picked each one of our guests to share our day with us.
Dont feel bad....out of the 118 invitations that went out, we only received 40 gifts. My wedding was 4 months ago. I was extremely upset at first, but chalked it up as poor manners. Considering I've given gifts to these people for weddings, showers and babies, I wqas extremely upset to say the least. I understand that people have a year, but who ACTUALLY waits a year to give a gift. 1 maybe 2...not 75%.
Nothing can be done. I can either cut out of these people from my life, or just get over it. I'm planning to get over it. I'll buy it myself from my registry if I really want the item.
We had a TON of people not give us anything! And I didnt' even realize it until we were writing TY cards - I was shocked at how many people and the 'caliber' of the people who didn't get us anything.
We did get some things after the wedding, but it was mostly from friends who were mailing checks. The family/parents friends who didn't buy us anythign by the wedding never sent anything as a follow-up.
I have to say that I feel a little better knowing that this has happened to all of you, as well. I was taking it a little personally, but I guess they are just ignorant or rude. I think that some of them do think they have a year after the wedding to give a gift, but I'm sure out of those who do think that they can do that, most will forget. Plus, what is with that "one year" rule? These are mostly pretty close friends, so they knew the date of our wedding at least 6 months in advance. You seriously can't pick a gift (or write a check and fill out a card) in that time? I think it's a cop-out.
And we did have a few gifts from our registry waiting for us when we got home from our wedding, which was nice. Additionally, two people sent cards to our home, because they had forgotten to at the wedding. but it's just radio silence from everyone else. It's a little weird. I am just going to have to get over it.
I have to say though that I feel like it has to be more rudeness than ignorance, or at least maybe it's feigned ignorance. When you are attending a wedding you make a decision beforehand whether or not to bring a gift, and they decided not to.
It's only been a few weeks, so I wouldn't get too upset yet. A lot of younger people might not know the etiquette and think they have a few months to send you a gift. Also, did you have a wedding where a lot of your friends had to travel and make accomodations? It's not an excuse, but it is understandable that the expense and time for traveling could make the gift an afterthought initially. But definitely don't hold it against them yet! Wait it out a few months, I'm almost certain more gifts will turn up by then
Boy, I can't say I experienced this. But I'll say I can't blame you for feeling this way. Like you said, if people were out of work, or had to travel to a DW, I would understand. And while I try not to make assumptions aobut others' finances, I think if you make a good wage and plan on going to a wedding, you should budget a gift of some kind.
Wow, that sucks. I'm young (just turned 22 this summer) and I have ALWAYS, always, always given a gift at every shower, birthday, shower, etc. that I have ever been invited to. Always. I couldn't imagine NOT giving at least a card. Sometimes I give more than others depending on my relationship with that person and my financial situation at the time. I guess I really need to thank my parents for pounding that one in my head at a very young age. Sorry you didn't get much (even though I know it's not the point of a wedding)..I would be ticked too.
I've never heard of anything like this. But it wasn't even b/c of my parents, but more from my friends. Whenever we've been invited to something, we'll ask around each other, oh did you get a gift, do we need to, whats a good range... etc. I'll admit, I have been invited to maybe only 2 engagement partys and the first one was very casual and I did not know that I needed a gift, though last minute I found out I should bring one and did a small cash gift. But .. really? I don't know a single person that does not know that people give wedding gifts!
They did have to travel a few hours. My high school friends, a group of 15 or so whom I'm mostly referring to, rented a van and shared rides as well as rooms (like 4 people to a room), though, so I don't think it cost them too much. But I have traveled to weddings before and I still give a gift.
Anyway, I would understand if people just gave us something small, which a lot of people (my husband's friends, mostly), did do. It's more like the principle of the thing. For example, my husband's married friends came and they bought us one small item from our registry only (a hand mixer). That seems a little cheap to me, but I appreciated the gift and the thought and I just figured they couldn't afford more or didn't think more was appropriate. I just moved on. But the fact that my friends, and a lot of my husband's friends too, didn't give us so much as a card is just bizarre, so I keep obsessing about it!
I just got a gift yesterday for my wedding which was almost 2 months ago. :) Also received a card last week with some money in it. I think people are just forgetful/procrastinators. I haven't sent a card/gift to my friend who got married a couple weeks ago. Whoops!
Although three out of five of DH's groomsmen have not gotten us anything yet. That part is still puzzling to me.
WE had a few (and i mean like 2 out of a 100) not bring gifts.
So while we are on this topic...do I send them a Thank you card photo now? I wasnt going to....
Seriously, if a guest who makes 2-3x what I do didn't give any gift/card/anything... I probably wouldn't feel too moved to give them a check for their own wedding. Probably just a card. No one has to give you a gift, but it's a two way street.
I probably won't do thank you notes to people who come but don't give a gift. Just seems unnecessary to me. I wouldn't write thank you notes for people just for coming to any other party I hosted.
I can't believe people dont' bring gifts. IT just peeves me.
Ya know what? now you don't have to bring them one!
I wouldnt bring them one
Wait I need to clarify that....Someone came to my wedding and didnt bring a gift...when and if they ever get married I will not be bringing one to theirs. :)
I doubt this is the case here ... but sometimes people's cash flows just aren't there. I went to 5 weddings last summer, and I only made 25k a year and lived on my own. I would have loved to gift my friends more than I did, but in most cases I just couldn't afford, so I did what I could afford.
My BFF and MOH got married in May and it was in another province. I let her know beforehand I wouldn't be able to get them something quite yet. I was only able to afford something last week, so that is when they got their gift ... 3 months after the wedding.
I know that people sometimes have a lot of weddings in one summer. I do get that, of course! I just wish they had said something to me, so I didn't have to be left wondering why they didn't give me anything, or even if they did try to give us a card but it got lost somehow.
One of the people who is the most shocking to me is a girl who is one of my oldest and closest friends. She and I got engaged at the same time, but her wedding isn't until next year. She and her fiance combined make about $400,000 a year. My fiance and I make about $50,000 total. I don't feel like I can go to her wedding and not get her a gift! I love her and her fiance, and I would never go to their wedding without bringing something. So I can't really just bring a card and nothing else, to get her back or whatever. I would never do that! Plus I will have to fly to attend her wedding, which was not the case for her. So it makes it even more confusing that she and her fiance didn't get us a thing. I can't help but feel hurt! Ugh. Thanks for the chance to vent about this though. You are all so nice and understanding!
I would definitely be bugged. I don't have much family, DH's family isn't very close to him, and we're young (along with our almost all single friends), so I really didn't expect much, but was surprised at how much we got. Almost none of our BP members got us something, but I expected that-they're all around college age and some travelled far, others' parents came and they just kind of tagged on for a family gift, etc. But considering the gen Y issues we had with people just downright refusing to RSVP, I was shocked at how many sent us gifts.
Thinking back, I am frustrated when I think of the one or 2 friends who didn't do so much as a card. But, like eeh, that may be because my mother would be so ashamed if I went to a wedding empty handed :)
Ppl can have up to an year afterwards to send gifts. It's a stupid rule but what can we do? I got some gifts 6 months post my wedding. If some of your guests are bachelors, they're prime candidates for not getting gifts because they're men who have no etiquette brains. If their dates are not too close to you, their dates probably wouldn't have played any part to getting a gift for you either. :(
While it's rude that they didn't bring something, it's also rude for you to expect them to bring something. I think it's rude to pick apart people's finances and expect a person to give you something because of what you think their salary is. Even if they make $400k or whatever, you don't know what their situation is. Maybe they bought off the registry and you'll get it soon, maybe they are up to their neck in debt, maybe they planned to get it later since they "have time." Just be thankful for the gifts that you did receive.
It's still rude to not give a flippin' card. It really is the thought that counts here, and they could have bothered.
That said, you're quite sure there's no chance your card box/whatever wasn't infiltrated by sticky fingers along the line? No offence meant, but I've read of it happening...
Yeah I totally agree that this is a matter of our generation and lack of etiquette! I have so many people calling me asking if they can bring so and so and so and so...not RSVPing AT ALL, etc etc. I think it's weird too but honestly I think it's just laziness and/or ignorance. People just don't follow etiquette as much as they used to.
I am sooooo glad to hear it wasn't just me! Out of 67 invites, we got 37 gifts. Most of the "missing" gifts were actually from family (none of his gave us a gift) or VERY close family friends who have known me for my entire life. I am actually really upset about it, even though I would rather not be. I understand that not everyone can afford a gift, but seriously, not even a card? Really? I would actually be fine if they at least gave us a card, but we didn't even get that.
Its so nice to know that we aren't the only ones. My HB and I didn't get gifts or cards from about 12 of his bachelor friends who came. They are all well-to-do, but I think it was just an ignorance thing.
I was feeling pretty bummed about it until I read this post. Its not something I can bring up very easily to people... I feel totally greedy after such an amazing and beautiful wedding ... but it was more a principle issue. I'm still wondering how many people bring gifts on average? Also, is it customary for the wedding party to bring gifts? Especially if the men didn't have to buy anything to wear, got expensive gifts from my FIL, new ties, and 4 expensive dinners?
One of my BMs is close with one of the GMs who didn't get us anything for the shower or the wedding, and she's going to just "check in" with him about his gift, as a way to see if anything was stolen or if he just didn't want to get us anything. I'm just curious what the thought process is and a little worried also that something might have been taken.
Agreed that it is mostly ignorance on the part of some people- I don't excuse older people though. A card is the least someone can do- and I've found that a pretty piece of crystal doesn't need to cost more than $50. For example, a beautiful crystal salad bowl will run less than $30, and a Cinderella carriage was about $40 last time I saw it at a well known department store. Aargh, even if it is something you do not care for, at least it shows some thought.
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I just had my wedding a few weeks ago and it was great. Everything went almost perfectly. Of course some details weren't what I imagined they would be but overall it was just an amazing day.
However, I feel a little weird because almost all of my friends, with the exception of one, and also the majority of my husband's friends, didn't get us a gift. And for the most part they didn't even get us a card, nothing! We had a wedding of 100 people, and most of them came to a barbecue at my parents' house the day before, as well as a brunch the day after. The wedding reception had an open bar and a ton of amazing food. I know that not everyone thinks you should give a gift to cover the cost of your plate, but I do think you should, and I have done that when I have been a wedding guest.
It's one thing if you can't afford it, I understand that. One of my oldest friends came from across the country to attend our wedding and is unemployed, but he gave us a nice card. I appreciated it! But the rest of my friends make tons of money--around $100,000 each--and brought boyfriends and girlfriends as guests. These are lawyers, business people, all around 30 years old. And they didn't give us a gift! I am so surprised by that.To me, at least in my family, that is considered incredibly rude.
Another thing that bothers me is that some of them are engaged, and I know that I will be going to their weddings. But I would never attend a wedding without giving a gift, so I will end up giving them gifts (a check, I mean) even though I make about 1/3 of what they do. I know I just need to get over it, because I don't want it to ruin my friendships, but it is really chafing me. We had an amazing wedding and less than 50% of our guests gave us gifts. Is that weird?