Post # 1
Just a down day for me even though happy things are taking place…
Background: We’re both in our mid 30s, approaching second marriages, we’ve bought the stone and picked out the setting, we’ve been together about 14 months. The ball is in his court and he knows this.
His younger brother and SIL are expecting thier twins today, she’s going in for her planned C-section this AM. They live out of state so we won’t be able to see them for a few weeks due to a full house of grandparents and our schedules. Its the first set of grandchildren for the family and thats a big deal within any circle.
I’m happy for the occasion but there is a part of me that is sad bc its hard to see something take place that you thought you’d be living too. Marriage, kids, a home etc. I had to start from scratch after my divorce from the Ex-H. SO’s divorce was almost a decade ago so his life has settled for him – he has his home etc.
Maybe this isn’t the most coherent post, but it just feels like a glum day a little bit. I’m hoping that’ll go away when the news comes that the twins are finally here but its a hard pill to swallow being in my 30s and not married, no kids etc. Just makes trying to ignore the desire for it all REALLY hard right now.
Post # 2
I understand how you feel! I have had 4 of my closest friends have babies this past year and 2 more on the way this year! Not to mention the half dozen more colleagues/college friends I see are expecting on facebook and the other 8 that have had babies this past year!!! I’m beyond happy for my girlfriends but if one more person tells me they’re expecting I might just have a meltdown!
SO and I are approaching marriage, a home and all that but I definitely thought I’d be having my first baby and all settled by now. SO is 7 years older and all of his closest friends have a couple babies and at the place in life he thought he’d be. My ovaries hurt every time I see SO hold a new baby! Can’t wait for our turn!
Post # 3
2ndTimeForWe: Don’t feel bad. You say you were married before. Now you are just taking your time to do things “right” so to speak. You know that the engagement/ marriage is coming as you’ve already picked out the ring. The hardest part is over! (Finding your man, settling into a new life full of love and happiness). Foucs on that and the rest will just fall into place when it is meant to. You are lucky in that you are getting a second chance. Just take it day by day and try to appreciate where you are in YOUR life as everyone moves at the pace that is right for them.
Post # 4
2ndTimeForWe: I hear you. I am going in to my second marriage in a couple of months (first for FI) and also had to ‘start over’ after my divorce. It cost me so much financially that I am now 34, have no money really and am living in a rented flat after having to sell my home. I also have no kids and have watched all my friends of similar ages have babies over the past few years while I was dealing with thousands of pounds worth of lawyers bills and trying to rebuild my life and my confidence.
I love my FI so so much and am so glad to be marrying him. I am also so very glad that I didn’t have kids with my ex husband because he was not a good guy and we would never have been able to have a clean break the way we did. I am much happier now, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t worry me that I have left it too late to have a family and that I am just not in the same financial or material position as a lot of my peers. I liken it to that game ‘snakes and ladders’ and feel like all my friends are on ladders and I have been dealt a snake.
I think it’s normal to feel the way you are feeling, I think the only advice I can give is to focus on what you DO have rather than what you DON’T have. And focus on how much happier you are to be in the relationship you are in now. That’s what I try to do, and always remind myself that I left my ex H for a reason and that my life is infinitely better now in lots of ways, even if it has meant I have had to make sacrifices along the way. Hugs to you, you are just having a down day but tomorrow will be better!
Post # 5
2ndTimeForWe: You will have those things eventually. For now, try to focus on what you do have–presumably a great guy who loves you and wants to marry you. There are older people who don’t have that. Appreciate this stage in your life for what it is.