- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Hi bees. Gosh, this is a really personal post. Please bear with me!
I expected this, really, when we began planning my move to Ireland and our wedding here (honestly, it has to be for immigration – there are a million reasons why me moving here made more sense than him moving to the US, if anyone wants the list, just say so!). I have a HUGE family. I’m adopted, and I’m in a good relationship with my birthmother & her family, and my birthfather & his family (he has a wife and two kids, who are considered a mom and siblings to me as well).
My adoptive dad died 6 years ago, but my adoptive parents had a daughter after adopting me, so that’s two little sisters, one big brother, one dad, three moms, and then extended family on both sides. (I do tease the FI with “hahaha you get 3 MILs ahaha!”)
Only recently did my adoptive uncle (late dad’s little brother) surprise me by telling me he’d love to come and then he did go ahead and book his flights!! I’m very excited he’s coming and very grateful. I hope he won’t feel awkward, because he is the only family making the wedding. I briefly considered asking him to give me away, but the paperwork is already turned in (we had to outline everything for them!) and we already had the backup plan in motion of my FI’s bandmates walking me down the aisle (thought it would be cute, as it’s how we met).
I kind of expected this from the start because it is SO expensive to fly and because we are not only getting married a year to the date we met, but because of immigration, it’s not even an option to postpone the date to say, next year, and allow my family time to save up for the ticket. FI and I are not rich and neither are our families by any means, so we cannot buy anyone tickets, and if we could – who? How could we purchase one for one branch of the family without offending the other?
My birthparents and siblings on all sides simply cannot afford it. My adoptive mother has a scheduling conflict with work (her boss scheduled the days around my wedding off months ago to go visit her mother…the bridezilla inside of me is screaming “SHE CAN VISIT HER MOTHER ANY TIME THIS IS MY WEDDING” but I would never say that outloud to my mother!!!). My birthmother was planning to come but just told me she can’t make it. FI, bless his heart, offered to pay for my birthdad but I didn’t want to offend him or any other members of my huge family by just paying for him, if that makes sense (my adoptive family has yet to meet my birthfamily so it’s a little tense).
I have two friends who are planning to come but haven’t booked flights yet and might not by the deadline for my headcounts. I have two definitely coming which means the world to me. However, I’m still feeling just…bummed!
I knew this would be the case, and we are planning a big American shindig in a couple summers time, but it’s still casting a tiny raincloud over my head. I guess I have a right to feel down, even if I knew it was unrealistic and unfair to expect more people would make it. Or do I? Do I need to just soldier on? I guess I’m sad that this is the first big day and our real wedding and my immediate family (all 3 immediate families, hehe) will be missing it, unless they’re up early enough to catch a skype broadcast (which hopefully works at all…haven’t asked the venue yet if they even have wifi).
One condolence that I can’t really talk about because it would probably make him said is my FFIL will also have no family at the wedding…his side of the family does not talk to FI’s family at all. (Protestant/Catholic thing). He did invite his cousins from the US but they can’t make it. I am actually hoping he and my uncle will hit it off since they were both journalists for the same US newspapers! Part of me hopes maybe they’ve met before, which would just be really cool.
I guess I’m asking the hive how I can stop feeling sad? There’s another big sad thing about my wedding day that I guess I’ll just spill now.
My best friend (before I met FI of course) died 2 years ago. He was supposed to be my best man the day I got married. One of the two friends making it knew him as well. I brought a lock of his hair with me to Ireland. After the ceremony and general pictures, FI, my friend/photographer, and the friend who knew him will be going privately down to the courtyard garden of the venue (it’s a castle…eeee!) and I will be scattering his hair into the wind, over the cliff the castle sits on. I have the photog coming so we can have pictures of it for his parents, and so he can sort of be a part of my special day, even if he couldn’t be here. I know it sounds morbid and dreary but it’s really important to me to include him and not just with a toast or something. Something meaningful. I’m glad the bridesmaid friend will be there as well for it. We have a song for him playing at the reception as well.
This is making me feel a little guilty but now I’m thinking we could also add a song for my late dad to the reception. He was a huge baseball fan, and my uncle who’s making the wedding actually played the last song at his memorial service on piano – “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” – and I’m thinking we ought to add it in as well (though not with my uncle on piano, just on the list).
I guess I’m just a swarm of emotions this morning, bees, and just wanted to let it out on the hive! The FI is away on tour in Europe (we both work in the music industry but I’m not legal to work yet so no tours for me) and I’m at the in-laws until Monday (not going into detail but PM if you’d like – there’s an evil relative staying in the house we’re caretaking and I’ve literally been chased out of our home til she’s hopefully gone from it – thank god for my amazing in-laws).
So…advice, thoughts, whatever, are totally welcome! Just need to chat with the hive this morning I guess! Help me zap this raincloud over my head into oblivion! 🙁