- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Taghkanic State Park
I’m not sure why I wrote this other than I just kind of needed to get it off my chest, I’m not really so much looking for advice… but any encouragements, stories, or positive thoughts are absolutely welcome. 🙂
I always imagined by the time I was this age I’d have a successful career and although I’d be perfectly able to support myself I’d probably still marry into a well-off family. I was a nanny for a few very comfortable families when I was younger and I always thought I was cut out for a big house in Connecticut or owning a yacht or vacationing in Nantucket and the Hamptons.
But I didn’t get an amazing career and my life was not the plot of a romantic comedy movie. Instead I moved away for college and when I came home to visit I found myself falling in love with my best friend from high school. We dated long distance, we moved across the country together, we’ve lived in tight quarters with roommates together… And although I wouldn’t have it any other way than with us ending up together it has been a very long and very difficult journey to get to where we are now.
By the end of 2012 my FI and I will have been together for 7 years (and engaged for 1 of those years). We’re in our mid-twenties, I work full time and he has one semester of school left. We both come from lower middle class families, and although my parents have offered to help us pay for catering aside from that we’ve always known we’d be pretty much on our own in paying for the wedding. Family is very important to us and just close relatives alone is about 100 people on our guest list, plus another 50 for our friends. We don’t want to have to cut the guest list so we’ve been finding other ways to cut corners everywhere else.
Up until this year we’d been struggling just to pay our bills let alone be able to save anything… But few months ago we had finally started planning the wedding, we were both working full time we were starting to actually save money! And then my FI was unexpectedly laid off from the job he was told he’d have until he graduated. It’s just been one stroke of bad luck after another. Especially because now with his school schedule he’s having trouble finding another steady job. Since then we’ve had to pretty much put all of the wedding planning on hold.
On one hand I’m just really frustrated because this wedding is something we’ve already had to put off for so long for financial reasons. I just want it to happen already regardless of where it is and how it happens. But on the other hand sometimes I still can’t help but dream about having the big, fun, beautiful wedding I’ve always imagined.
I guess in some ways I’m still adjusting to the fact that the wedding I’ve been planning in my head my whole life (the one with the limos and the giant cake, the one where I get to make a registry and we have a bridal shower, the one where I get braces again to fix my teeth so my pictures will be perfect, and the one with the big fancy dress and the beautiful country club venue) is never going to happen, not in a million years.
I mean I’ve come to terms with the fact that my life is radically different than the one I always imagined, I have much more humble dreams now… all I really want out of life is to live in a cute rural town and to be able to get married and have kids with my best friend. I don’t need a yacht and a mansion, all I really need is to own some kind of house and be able to have my own little family in my own way.
But even though we’re very crafty people and are used to stretching out a low budget as far as it can go, and are totally cool with doing the whole DIY wedding thing, on some level I still wish we were fortunate enough to be able to just do it the easy way. I still on some level wish we had amazing jobs or parents that could support us financially and that we were able to just go out and start shopping around and picking the things that we like… instead of having to scoure every book, website and resource just to be able to find the very few small things we can afford.
I know that all that really matters is us saying our vows with all the people we care about, and I know that is what it will ultimately end up being. I’m sure it will end up being big and beautiful and fun in it’s own way. I’m just having trouble seeing past all the “whens” ad the “hows” and it can all just be so discouraging.