Post # 1
So, I’m going to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding at the end of October. We’ve been friends a very long time and I’m very excited that she is getting married. I’m also getting married at the end of August so there’s been a lot of wedding excitement going around.
Recently she sent a message to myself and the other BMs (there’s 7) that she would like a suprise bridal shower and that the theme should be ABC at XYZ venue. That’s cool. Then in a later conversation she mentioned that she would like to have a big weekend bachelorette party. That’s also cool. I’m down for a party.
So here’s the part I’m a little put off by. I was speaking with her over the weekend and I mentioned that I’d like to do a small girls night sleepover towards the end of July for my bachelorette party – nothing fancy, couple girls, couple drinks at my place. Her response? I won’t be able to go to your bridal shower or sleepover because I can’t afford it.
I understand that she may not have funds – she’s been unemployed for a while. But during the same conversation she told me about how she just bought 2 pricey dresses ($200 each! A value! Because she had a coupon!) – 1 for her surprise shower, and 1 for her bachelorette party AND ordered custom made wedding shoes.
I don’t mean to sound like it’s tit-for-tat, but FI and I’ve already spent $300 on a BM dress for her wedding and she’s clearly expecting me (and the other BMs) to shell out some big $$ for her bridal and bachelorette party and she can’t spend a few $s for some food and liquor at a sleep over?
Sorry, I just had to get that out. Phew. Thanks.
Post # 3
Ugh that’s ridiculous. How much money could it really be. I would be upset too.
Post # 4
she sounds incredibly selfish…
get her a framed pic and a card for her wedding. I wouldn’t spend a penny more.
Post # 5
Very selfish. I would tell her you can’t afford her big lavish party and bachelorette party
Post # 6
I’m not usually in support of the tit for tat either, but it was rude for her to TELL you and the other bridesmaids exactly what she wanted for a bachelorette party and shower, and then not be willing to do something equivalent for yours. I probably wouldn’t go to her shower or bachelorette. I’d send her a nice reply and say, “I’m glad you mentioned it, I can’t afford to come to your party either. I’m glad we’ll be able to celebrate our weddings together though”.
Post # 7
Wow. The bitch in me would tell her the reason you are doing a small gathering was because you had to spend so much money and her and you think its pretty crappy she can’t put in a little more effort when you’re doing everything you are doing.
Post # 8
I’d be peeved, too.
How do the other BMs feel about the specific bachelorette and shower plans?
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens
This type of thing bugs me. I wish people would just say the truth: “I don’t WANT to spend the money on your events.” as opposed to lying about not being able to afford it.
Post # 10
Whoa. Fiirst am I missing something. How is it s “surprise” if she’s told you to throw her a shower and where and what theme? I bet the only surprise is going to be how much its going to cost you guys.
I can see why your upset.I probably would skip her shower and her bachelorette party. Having a wedding isn’t about getting as much out of your friends as possible.
Post # 11
That is annoying… how exactly is it even possible not to be able to afford a sleepover anyway?
Post # 12
I would be more than a little put off if I were you. Can you tell her how you’re feeling about this?
Post # 13
Agh, I really dislike people who say they “can’t afford” something and then turn around and go buy stuff. I agree with PP I wouldn’t go to either party of hers.
Post # 14
“I’d like to celebrate your life choices, but I’m not going to go broke over them.”
Someone needs to reel her in a little.
Post # 15
@teaadntoast: Her message to all the BMs re:her shower and party went out a week or so ago and I haven’t heard anything concrete from the other girls. One did mention to me that she felt the whole thing was very presumptuous of her, especially since she’s already purchased dresses for parties that haven’t been planned yet. She has two MOHs (sister and sister-in-law) and I haven’t heard a peep from either of them. I’m still kind of hurt, so I haven’t been to keen to find out the details.
Post # 16
@highwire: You know, I think this might be closer to the truth than her not being able to afford it. Ugh. That makes me even angrier.