Post # 1
My girlfriend is getting married and when she first got engaged we got all excited and booked a trip to go and try on wedding dresses in another city (with another friend).
Now that things are progressing I am pretty much decided on backing out on the trip. I do have a legitimate reason, as it turns out I’ll be starting a new job next week. But if I’m honest it’s more that I’m feeling a bit like even though I am super excited for her, because I’m not a bridesmaid I will be a bit sad as well (the other girl is a bridesmaid) and even though I would be so happy going with her to try on dresses she’s also said “oh we can go to another shop so that A can go and try on bridesmaid dresses too!” which was a bit… well… ouch.
Fiance says “well, it’s fine because you have a job so you can’t go now” but I also don’t want to rain on her parade or her dress experience. It’s already booked and it’s not that hard to say I already have a trip booked and I can’t work that one day so yeah, feeling a bit guilty.
What would you girls say if your non-bridesmaid-friend bailed at the last minute?
Post # 3
I think it was kind of tacky for her to ask you to go along for the ride when you are not a bridesmaid.
I would use the excuse and back out.
Post # 4
Post # 5
I agree with PPs, it’s rude for her to bring you along and shop for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses when you aren’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I would tell her you’re stressed out with the new jbo and can’t swing the trip anymore, but you’d love to hear all about the trip and see pictures later.
Post # 6
+1 on backing out with the new job excuse. And it may or may not get awkward on the trip for either you, or the bride/bridesmaids.
Also. You’re starting a new job! Congrats to you 🙂
Post # 7
Agreed. You have an easy excuse, take it!
Post # 8
Agreed with pp since you have a new job it is the perfect excuse.
Post # 9
Wow, rude as! I agree with the bees – use the new job and back out. You sound like a good friend for supporting her this far but her BMs should provide her with enough support to help with the dress.
Post # 10
If you’re not a close enough friend to be chosen as a bridesmaid then I doubt you’ll be missed. It’s so rude of her to ask you to go dress shopping when you’re not a bridesmaid! You have a convenient excuse, so just back out gracefully and avoid similar wedding-related events in future.
Post # 11
You can use the job as an excuse if you don’t want to go. Or, if you don’t have your dress already, you could go and have a good time with your girlfriends and stop keeping score about who is who’s bridesmaid. 🙂
Post # 12
Thanks for the support ladies. Just feel like I’m a sucky friend
I spose I was just feeling like it’s an “excuse” because a part of me does want to go for other things we’d be doing (it’s a 2 day trip) and I just have mixed feelings about it all. It’s not like it’s killing me not being a bridesmaid, we’re doing heaps of wedding stuff together given we’re both getting married and she’s not my bridesmaid as I’m having my sister only.
Still on the fence.
@NinaS: yeah that’s exactly what I’m worrying over – it turning out a bit awkward particularly at the bridal appointments. And then me feeling a little bit sort of “left out” or like I’m tagging along. I wouldn’t mind so much if it didn’t feel a bit weird that I was going so far but I’m not in the bridal party. (and thanks for the congrats!)
Post # 13
I wouldn’t feel bad at all. Your career is important. Also, if you aren’t a bridesmaid then it isn’t your ‘responsibility’. Just tell her that you started a new job and can’t ask for time off so early on, but will go with her to try on dresses in your own home town or somewhere closer (if you want).
Post # 14
I think your point about not raining on her parade is right on — if you’re going to feel weird, and that may influence her appointment, you shouldn’t go because it wouldn’t be fair to her. Luckily, you have a built in excuse with the new job.
Post # 15
@Laitka: I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. You say that you are both getting married but you are not in eachother’s wedding. I don’t think this makes you any less of a good friend. You still are excited for her and want to share in her experiences. I don’t see why being a bridesmaid or not changes that.
I was invited to an out-of-town bachlorette party for a good friend that I was not asked to be a bridesmaid for (she wasn’t for mine either). When all of the RSVP’s came in, it turns out the only other people who RSVP’d yes were her bridesmaids and me. At first, I was hesitant like you, but I decided to go and make the best of it.
Yes, they talked A LOT about bridesmaidy stuff. We spent 1/2 the time shopping for their jewelry and shoes. But the other 1/2 of the time, we ate, drank, danced, got our nails done, and had a fantastic time!
Sometimes I think that awkward situations are only awkward if you make them so. I’d say go, have a great time, help the other BM’s pick out the most rocking dress and be a great friend.
Post # 16
The decision is up to you, sounds like she didn’t not have you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man to be rude, but maybe she just thought with your own wedding planning going on it qwould be too much for you. You have a great excuse to not do the trip, but it sounds like you actually want to go on this trip. It won’t be weird if you don’t make it weird, if you start acting awkward about looking at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses with them then it will be awkward.