Post # 1
I thought I had some of the greatest BM’s around but now I wish I only had my MOH. They were all friends from high school that continued to be my best friends after leaving but we are all in different places now. I had a civil ceremony (military reasons) and have stayed in my home state to complete wedding details. None of my BMs are helpful with the wedding and they no longer talk to me. I will call or text at least once every week but they only keep a conversation for a moment and never take the first step to contact me. I have not heard from anyone othr than my MOH and it is so sad. I hoped it was a short lived thing but it has become a one sided relationship for months! I am very heart broken and lost. I have made new friends through the military and have invited these gals to come to the wedding but I wish I could replace my BM’s with these girls because they are acting like friends! Even if they don’t feel interested in wedding talk I would at least hope they were interested in being my friend. Just feeling lost right now…
Post # 3
@Payless: Weddings change people…and sometimes it’s not the ones getting married! People sometimes really don’t know what to do with themselves when a close friend is getting married.
And they also may not have a clue as to what you need. So in this case, I would be sure to ask them to help you. There is no way for them to know unless you ask…you know? To them, they just need to buy a dress and show up. If you need opinions, put it out there.
Maybe make a list of all the things you want their help on and spread it out among each one?
I also think planning a wedding matures you a bit…no matter your age. And I think part of maturing is realizing you have to do a lot of stuff yourself. You and your FI (if he’s available) will have to rely on yourselves in the future and now is a good time to start. I’m sorry they aren’t fulfilling your expectations…I know it’s hard. But it is something I had to come to terms with myself.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and I can sympathize. It’s like once my BM was asked to be my BM, she had achieved her goal and checked out.
I know people will say that no one will care about your big day as much as you, and it’s true, but it still sucks and hurts to feel abandoned.
I guess the only thing to do now is see the bright side, as hard as that is – your MOH rocks, and your BMs ARE talking/texting at least once a week.
If they’re really close friends, can you tell them you’re feeling really alone right now? You don’t have to blame them, but just say something like the wedding stress/pressure/whatever is getting to you. And then ask them for what you need…like “do you mind calling me on Thursdays just to check in?”
Sometimes we think people should know what we need, but they don’t, so I would suggest being straightforward, they may not know there is an issue or hurt feelings. For example, they might be thinking you need space to plan.
Post # 5
My Airman is deployed so the planning has always been on me and I don’t mind that. The girls have the generic “thats nice” response when I ask questions and I don’t mind that either. They are just my friends and their lifes are important to me and I like to know how they are doing. None of them take the effort to check in on me and often don’t respond for a couple of weeks if I try to get ahold of them. I want to discuss it but I don’t know how to go about it without seeming abrupt.
Post # 6
Thank you everyone! It has been a while and they all started to come around 🙂