Post # 1
Lately I’ve been feeling apathetic about waiting. I know it will happen…but I guess I’m starting to feel realling angry. Like carrots are being dangled in front of me and I can’t reach them.
I work so hard at everything I do…I take 23 hours at school, play collegiate sports, work, work hard at keeping my relationship in great working order…and what?
Why can’t he just ask me? I don’t care about fucking surprises anymore! I’m tired of hearing about everyone else’s engagements. It’s not that I’m not happy for them…I just ask myself, “What’s wrong with ME? Why won’t he marry ME? What made them so special that the guy couldn’t help but ask them to marry him?”
I’m sorry I’m so bitter. I’m just so tired. I’m tired of working so hard on everything I do and not getting the one thing I want so bad. Makes me want to cry.
Post # 3
Aww, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way!!! You’re are absolutely special, some guys just take FOREVER to feel ready. Sometimes they wait for certain life goals (my guy is this way, there are things he has to have accomplished before he proposes to me, he wants to be able to fully support me for when we decide to have children, so I don’t have to rush back to work). Some just need a lil push, to be kind of lead in the right direction. I totally understand your frustrations, I’ve been there and jump back there a lot with all of our close friends either married or engaged except for us! Have you guys spoken about engagement/marriage recently? I know you mentioned in another post he HAS your ring! If so, just take a deep breath, he could just be trying to plan something extremely nice to surprise you! I know friends that had a ring for up to 6 months before actually proposing! SMILE hun
Post # 4
@Sweetpea6: Thank you for your kind words; I really appreciate it. Yes, we’ve talked many times about getting married. He told me he has the ring, but he’s waiting for the right time so it’s a surprise…and honestly I’m getting pissed. I know I should be patient…but like I said I feel like a carrot is being dangled in front of me. If I don’t talk about it or bring it up, then I’m a good girl and get the ring. (He did ask me to refrain from talking about it so he could surprise me, but not in a condescending way).
So I know it’s going to happen…it’s just starting to make me angry. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had a great day and I’m just feeling so bitter. I don’t know…just tired. 🙁
Post # 5
@Torrid: I totally understand! When my bf asked why I was in such a rush one night after…. maybe having a slight melt down…. I told him I wasn’t in a rush, but to be told you’re going to do something then drag it out didn’t feel so good. My first example for him was this: telling a kid they’ll get a puppy, but telling them to wait… wait… wait… that kid is going to cry! And then the other night we were talking and he was like “I just don’t get why girls get so flustered waiting” to that I responded “well, if you were to ask me (propose), and I waited to answer you for days, telling you I just wasn’t ready to respond, that I will tell you when I feel it’s the right moment, that probably wouldn’t make you feel so great would it? You know I want to marry you, now I just am waiting here for you to tell me you want to also” He totally understood that! lol 😛 Maybe you could try one of those hehe I think guys just sometimes don’t see it from the other side. I’m sorry you didn’t have such a great day, I hope tomorrow is AMAZING! & I hope that your boy doesn’t drag his feet too much longer and asks you to be his forever
Post # 6
@Sweetpea6: You’re great, thank you 🙂
Post # 7
awww i’m sorry *hugs* I know what you mean I have been in the angry stage for a few weeeks now that I know it might not happen during the time frame we had talked about
Post # 8
I was there too before DH proposed. It sucked, honestly. All my friends were getting married, my LITTLE sister got married, and everyone was moving on with their lives. And then, there was DH saying, ‘we need to wait for all these reasons’ and it was so, so hard. I got really frustrated too. It really is hard seeing everyone else get the thing you want.
Well… now we’re married… and all those aforementioned friends are now having babies first. 😛 Sigh. The cycle never ends, honestly…
So, yeah, it’s tough to wait on a guy sometimes. I remember very vividly thinking, ‘c’mon dude! just. flipping. ASK!!!” And he did, in his own time. Now, I am really glad he waited till he was ready. I never had to worry that I pressured into doing something he didn’t want… he had wanted it all along, he just took a little longer to realize it. 🙂
Post # 9
My now husband had the ring for three months before he proposed, and I knew he had it!
You just have to keep the faith, you know? Sometimes it is easier to do so than others though.. : )
Post # 10
((hugs))) I was feeling like this last week. I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to say I understand.
It especially upsets ME when I tell him I don’t give a rats ass about some pretty princess wedding, I’d get married in the backyard with our baby, I just want to marry him. He doesn’t see it that way. argh. Who knew men cared about thatk ind of stuff, especially the stereotyes us women have!
Post # 11
For your own sanity, tell your boyfriend that you don’t want any carrots dangled anymore.
Right now, your job is to be a student-athleted, it seems. Trust me when I saw that college is one of the most exciting, fun times in your life…don’t waste these years fretting about when a proposal is coming.
I’m much older than you (can’t imagine being engaged in college…too much change and development was happening for me), but there was a point where I told my fiance that we couldn’t talk with extreme detail about getting married. We’d visit a different vineyard each weekend for tastings and assess it’s suitablity for a wedding and that was fine. When he asked who I’d have in my bridal party, I ended the conversation. It was too hard to think with such detail about something that wasn’t “officially” happening yet.
Is “everyone” else really getting engaged right now? When I was graduating from college, there was maybe 2 engaged couples (the guys were ROTC). Everyone else waited a few years.
Post # 12
I think that you are angry not because he isn’t proposing… You already know he has the ring and will do it sooner or later. But I think you are angry because deep down inside you are frustrated that it has in fact taken THIS long to get this far to begin with, and the ‘train’ has slowed down again for no apparent reason. Even though you know it will get to its destination………………… eventually, it’s still annoying like ‘wtf are we slowing down for?’
Post # 13
@Torrid: I know exactly how you feel. At times I get really angry and wonder why he won’t propose already and is taking all this time to do something that is SO simple–just ask already! There are times that I don’t even want to pick up the phone when he calls because I’m so annoyed that I know he’ll sense it in my voice. But then there are those times that I just look at him and realize how blessed I am and how happy he makes me–then I feel so guilty for all those negative feelings I had before. So I would suggest writing a list of all the things you love about him, and that may help you feel more positive and less angry.
And the fact that he has the ring is awesome girl! I know it doesn’t make it any easier to wait–but at least you know you’re almost there!
Post # 14
@Torrid: I feel the same way you do I think they have a time in their head as they call it “a plan” and no matter how crazy we are going waiting there is nothing to change that. Unfortunetly in my situation if it doesnt happen by July ( perfect time would be our anniversary weekend, he cant afford to buy me a ring and a 1 year present so why not buy the ring for it?…) After our anniversary I am going to be more angry but we cant really say anything if we know it is coming soon because what if we say something a few days before he is planing on proposing? We just ruined it for him… But back to our side what if we never say anything and he thinks its ok to drag his feet?
Post # 15
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: I agree with you. If the OP is college aged, then I wasn’t even thinking about engagement at that time and I had been with my then boyfriend for 3 years. No one was getting engaged around me, and I really tried to just enjoy my relationship and the end of school.
If you know that he has the ring, you know he’s going to propose in the very near future. I think you need to take a step back and look at the big picture. You do work really hard at what you do, and you have a lot to show for it. Just because a ring isn’t on your finger doesn’t mean that your BF doesn’t love you to no end and doesn’t want to marry you. It’s clear that he’s just about ready to take the next step. Let him surprise you. The bride has the entire engagement and wedding planning process…the groom just has the proposal planning process. Let him have his moment, b/c yours is coming very soon.
Post # 16
@Torrid: Awww! You are amazing! Truly and as you can guess by all the other bees in waiting, men take their sweet ass time! I am sure it has nothing to do with you! He is with you because he loves you! I know you say you don’t care about it being a surprise anymore, but just think about how sad you would be if he just kinda threw it at you and was like “here”. It will be amazingly wonderful when it happens and you will think it was well worth the wait! He has the ring, he obvi wants to be with you forever, I am sure he just is waiting for the perfect moment! Keep your gorgeous head up because it will happen when you least expect it!