Feeling awkward about our meeting w/ Minister/Reverend.. What to do?

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    10452 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I wouldn’t have a problem with a Rev who was divorced.  It sounds like this might not be the best church for you, are there other options that seem suitable that you can check out?

    Post # 3
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    Mikitawedding:  hmmm…if you feel awkward about her, i probably wouldn’t have her do your wedding. i might still give church a chance there, since who knows her sermons could be awesome and you may love the church family. but if at this point you’re looking to just be legally married (which is awesome that you’re thinking marriage over wedding, love it), why not just go to the courthouse?

    Post # 4
    194 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Mikitawedding:  I can definitely see why you would be uncomfortable. She should understand and encourage you to be married because of the love you have for one another. Maybe look for a different officiant whose values are the same?

    Post # 5
    721 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would be uncomfortable, too. Just search online for a local officiant-for-hire whose religious views are more in keeping with your own. We hired a retired Catholic priest to officiate our wedding, a wonderful man who was happy to incorporate any religious touches (re: prayers) we felt were important but insisted that we dictate how the ceremony should go.

    Otherwise, head down to the nearest city hall and have it done there. A private ceremony will be just as special no matter where you do it, and much less uncomfortable with an officiant who respects your choices. You don’t need to explain or justify your choices to anyone.

    Post # 6
    6427 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It sounds like you’re not really meshing with your minister. I would try finding another minister to officiate.

    FI and I were in a similar situation. In addition, I’m not religious, so it was really important that our pastor officiant respected me, us, our marriage, etc. Fortunately, the pastor down the street was very warm and welcoming, so it worked out for us. 

    Post # 7
    129 posts
    Blushing bee

    No on the divorce thing because you never know why they’re divorced and there are biblical reasons for divorce. 

    Secondly, no, I would not go with this pastor. The reason being, I’m assuming by the terms pastor and church that this is Christian. You both want to be married and currently live together. Forgive me if my assumption is wrong, but does this also mean you sleep together? From a Christian viewpoint, premarital sex is not biblical and the Bible encourages couples struggling in that area to get married. If the pastor is discouraging you from getting married, on the basis alone that you probably want to attend a church where the pastor actually teaches the Bible, this isn’t the place. Did she give a reason why she didn’t want you to? You both share the same beliefs, and other than that the Bible says not to forbid people to marry, except they be of different faiths. 

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