Post # 1
This is going to be 2 parts rant and 3 parts cry for help and advice… Hopefully there are a few others out there who have already had their shower and can sympathize.
My MOH and God Mother (MOH’s mom) are throwing me a bridal shower. This is great and I’m very appreciative. The stress starts to bubble up with just about everything after this point. They went ahead and booked a room in a fancy and expensive country club, and told me I need to invite atleast 25 people.
My family is very small, if I kept the guest list down to the ladies I actually see atleast once a year, I won’t be anywhere near 25, let alone inviting more than that incase some can’t come. My MIL is under the impression that I should invite every woman that’s invited to the wedding, bringing my total up to about 40– but I feel that will be completely awkward and seem as if I just invited anyone I could think of in order to get more gifts.
I was hoping for a really informal lunch or get together witha potluck of food and recipes or something like that. Much more low key than what this is turning into.Have any of you been in the situation of having to invite more people than you are comfortable with? Am I just stressing out because I’m not in control?
My other concern is what to do for *entertainment* at the shower. I am not mentioning my registry on the invites, and I’ve instructed all the mom’s and MOH to spread the word that we would prefer cash to put towards the house/honeymoon funds. I did make a small registry at Target for those older more stuborn ladies who need to get a physical gift. I don’t care if it will be tacky to get money, or if people will think we’re greedy. We’ve lived together for years and the only thing we need is a house to put all our crap in.
The thing I’m feeling awkward about is what to do with all the cards at the shower. Do I really have to sit around and open each one say “Thank you ___ ! we’ll really put this to good use” 10 times in a row? Would it be worse to just open any physical gifts and leave the card opening for a later time?
I’d like to hear from anyone who’s asking/asked for cash and how they dealt with getting it.
Sorry for being so long winded, this shower business is just so nutty!
Post # 3
I’m a little confused- I’ve always assumed showers are for tangible gifts. If you don’t want these, why are you having a shower? You don’t sound excited about it, and if it is turning out to be awkward because you’re being forced to invite people you aren’t close to and dealing with the uncomfortable display of money, then don’t do it.
If you do go through with it, please don’t open the cards at the shower. I can’t imagine how embarrassing it would be to have the amount of money I gave revealed to the room.
Post # 4
I am uncomfortable reading your whole post – I agree with greenleaf – showers are to open up gifts. I don’t like showers. You should scrap the entire idea of a shower if you’re asking for cash and don’t want to open presents. If you can’t find 25-40 ladies for your party, why not make it an engagement party instead, and invite men as well? That way you don’t have to open cards with money – that would be just too much. Cringe cringe cringe. People will still probably bring you something, and if it’s not advertised as a shower, you’ll probably get cash.
Post # 5
Greenleafmountain has a point…do you really want to have a shower? Can you make it more laidback and low key like you wanted it?
If you do have a shower, I’d open everything in front of the guests, but never show how much money you received. Most people like the gift opening to be quick anyway.
Post # 6
I agree with the other girls that the whole point of a shower is to receive gifts. If you don’t want gifts, maybe you shouldn’t have a shower.
Post # 7
I like the idea of turning it into an engagement party…
Post # 8
My FI’s aunt is hosting my bridal shower and I also was told that she wanted all the women that are invited to the wedding to be invited to the shower. I excluded a few people on the list (ex. my FI’s bosses’ wife who I have never met). But because she is hosting the party and that was what she requested, I said that was fine (although I would have preferred a much smaller shower).
Like the other posters, I’m really not sure about having a shower if don’t want tangible gifts.
Post # 9
Thanks for the quick replies!
Just to clarify and answer your concerns: I did want it to be a very laid back party- more like a cook out or a pot luck, and I told my MOH this, but she (heavily influenced by her mom) went ahead and booked a fancy place anyway. I can’t really turn it into a his/her engagement party without costing her a lot more money, and I can’t back out of it or change the local without wasting a few hundred for the deposit.
Can’t a shower just be a time to shower the bride with your love and support? Just hang out and share everyones excitement? Regardless of the gift they give? If someone gives me a toaster or money to buy a toaster isn’t it pretty much the same thing- except the other ladies can’t sit around a comment on it?
p.s. I definately won’t be advertising how much is in each card.
Post # 10
I just had my shower. We did not ask for cash, but did receive cash gifts from several women. I didn’t mention the cash directly, but opened the card and thanked them very much.
I had about 40 at my shower and I’ll tell ya, opening stuff in front of everyone was REALLY awkward. But that’s just the way it is.
I’m in agreement with the other girls that showers are really for opening presents. If you’re sitting in front of everyone opening cash it’s going to be totally awkward for everyone instead of just for you. DO NOT mention amounts in front of people if you end up doing this!
Post # 11
i recently went to a baby shower where they didn’t open any gifts at all–the gifts sat in a corner of the room the whole time and people just mingled and ate food. it was a little awkward because i kept expecting it to be present time, but less awkward than it sounds like you’d feel opening cards with cash gifts.
Post # 12
If you really just want to hang out and have a good time, then maybe add a note that you don’t want gifts at the shower.
I hate to say this but if you aren’t willing to open the gifts and share the fun with everyone then you shouldn’t really be asking for gifts (give a little, get a little).
At my shower everyone was invited to continue to mingle while I opened. It was nice because eyes weren’t focused on me. About every 10 presents or so (this was a LARGE shower) they came over and did some trivia about my FI and I and I picked the best answer from what the guests had filled out. It gave them something to chat about too while I was opening.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I also like the idea of converting it into an engagement party. Showers really are all about the gifts.
Post # 14
Hmm.. I’m going to be honest and say you sound a little selfish. You shouldn’t tell people you want cash at all and let’s face it – that’s what we all really want. You said in your post “FI and I have lived together for several years and all we really need is a house to put all our crap in” Um… join the club. Even people who are just moving in would probably prefer cash to a bunch of crap they saw for 1/2 a second before scanning onto the registry.
Showers are traditionally to shower the bride with tangible gifts, not cash. So if all you want is cash then pay back the MOH her deposit and cancel the shower. If you are willing to be gracious, then maybe make a ‘theme’ shower like bakeware or lingerie. But keep in mind that the shower is bigger than you and try to get rid of the dollar signs where your eyes should be.
And please please please don’t open the cards in front of everyone if they do in fact follow your instructions and give cards with cash in them.
Post # 15
Is it really that bad to open cards with cash in them if you don’t announce the dollar amount? I didn’t ask for money at my shower, but a couple guests gave that anyway. I opened every card because I didn’t want anyone to think I didn’t appreciate their gift. I didn’t announce the dollar amount or anything, just said a very heartfelt thank-you to the giver.
Post # 16
I’m confused why it can’t be an engagment party? You said it would cost more money but since you mentioned that the invite list is below where they want it to be – why can’t the remaining guests be men, and have it be changed into an engagement celebration event without any additional cost?