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arg people who assume they are invited to weddings are super rude.
That said, just because they're old doesn't mean they'll forget... but your wedding is still a ways away so hopefully since they will likely not be in contact with you again in all that time, they'll rationalize that they're obviously not going. Also, they may have just been saying that as a weird way to be nice? Like "Yay of course we'll be there!" Thinking you would want to hear that?
Also the people who said your grandpa would have liked to see you get married? Ouch! Seriously.
Funerals are some times funny times for people, it is hard to know how to act while grieving, I am sure they didn't mean anything negitive in thier comment, but it is strange that they would bring it up in the first place I guess. Of corse he would want to be there, that seems obvious, but nothing you could control.
As for the guest list, I think for the most part people understand not getting an invite if they haven't seen or talked to you for years. On the bright side it is a good thing that you were a little glimmer of happiness for them. Im sure your family understand you wern't trying to overbear on the funeral or anything.
People get weird at funerals. A lot of people feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say or how to act. Saying things like "he would have loved to be at your wedding", probably wasn't meant as a dig it was meant to give you some type of peace. Meaning they know how much he cared about you.
The stuff people said to me at my dads funeral and my grandfathers was sometimes absurd.
My fiance and I had just gotten semi-engaged when my Grandmother passed last year. At the funeral, I introduced him as my fiance, and said the ring was coming. I still got asked what the date was - my answer was sometime next year, and thanked them for coming. But it did put a smile on some faces knowing that it was happy news.
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Just a little whine...
My grandpa passed last week and his funeral was well attended by lots of people I haven't seen in ages - old family friends, extended family, people who have known me since I was little but with whom I don't have a personal relationship. I got engaged over New Year's and so my fiance and I were the "bearers of good news" there - nice to have a bright spot in the middle of such a sad time! Everyone wanted to meet him and ask about our plans.
A number of conversations with these already-not-on-the-guest-list folks went like this:
"Have you two set a date?"
Me, being deliberately vague: "Yes, we're planning on November."
"November what?"
Pause. "Third."
"I'll mark my calendar!"
Me, in my head: "Oh, please don't..."
I was HAPPY to be able to cheer people up with my good news, and I'm glad that people who came out of love for my grandpa were able to muster some excitement for me even in a sad time. I just tried to change the subject with the not-on-the-guest-listers to a "thanks so much for being here for my family" and stuff, but then it was like I was turning the happy conversation back to the sad reason for all of us being there in the first place.
Nothing I can do about it now and I doubt it will be a serious guest list issue... most of these people are old and will probably forget... it just made me feel weird and saddish and I needed to vent.
(Little rage-y though about the two people who said "Oh your grandpa would have loved to be at your wedding!" Thanks a freaking lot. Like I hadn't thought of that while I was at his funeral service with his coffin right where I'll be standing on my wedding day. Nope, never occurred to me. Thanks for bringing it up.)