Post # 1
Hi! I’m going anon for this as I do not want to offend anyone, but I have recently married friends who spent less on their wedding than I am planning, and I feel bad about telling them anything wedding related for fear of making them feel bad. For example, I want real flowers for my tables and for my bouquets and they did not because of the price. I will have caligraphy on my invitations (I have horrible handwritting) and they got their invites from vista print (not that theres anything wrong with that). I haven’t even told them about the band that my fiance wants instead of the dj. I’m having a signature drink and open bar. I just feel badly about it because im not trying to gloat to her about it, I just dont know how to not make her feel bad that I will have those things and she couldn’t. Sometimes I feel horrible being able to afford these things when lots of people think they are frivoulous when im really not that type of person, I just like it and we are not going into debt for it. How do you ladies cope? I feel like lying about the prices all the time.
now, im NOT at all saying im having a “better” wedding, just different and I loved her wedding, I had a blast! I just feel gulity.
This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Bullseye2014.
Post # 2
i don’t understand this. It sounds like you really do think it’s “better” because it’s more money. Weddings are not better or worse for that reason. I had real flowers, a nice venue that does 1 wedding at a time that was over $200/plate, large honeymoon (Dubai/Maldives/Sri Lanka), seafood towers during cocktail hour, etc and I never ever once thought it was better for any of those superficial reasons…..
Post # 3
Bullseye2014: I hear what you’re saying. My situation is a little different as I’m one of the first of my friends to get married. But I have friends that are struggling financially, and I feel terrible talking about wedding things when I know they’re struggling just to pay the bills. I try and avoid talking about the price of things, or avoid telling them about certain aspects of it at all. It can be hard at times, and when I do talk about, they don’t seem jealous or offended at all. They seem interested and can’t wait! But like you, I still feel guilty.
Post # 4
Don’t feel guilty.
I could have had a band… I WANTED a DJ.
I wanted to decorate with moss and bird cages at my tables instead of flowers.
Just because you had different things doesn’t make it something that she would envy.
Post # 5
She probably won’t care, especially now that she’s married. I don’t think that your wedding details will make her feel bad, unless you say things like, “Invitations without calligraphy are tacky,” or “DJ’s are the worst, and so we’re getting a band.” She probably enjoyed her wedding for what it was as a reflection of her and her SO, and will enjoy your wedding because it reflects you and your FI.
Post # 6
Bullseye2014: The cost of your wedding is no one’s business but yours and your FIs (and possibly whoever else is footing the bill). Just because you’re going to spend more on your wedding doesn’t mean that your friends will feel bad about theirs, a lot of people enjoy getting a good deal and don’t put priority on certain things (within a wedding, or a wedding in general). You said yourself that you loved her wedding and had a blast, she most likely feels the same way.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
Her wedding will (or should!) always be better than everyone else’s as that’s the wedding where she married the love of her life!! I think you’re overthinking. Plus many married ladies like to help/listen to wedding things to relieve the feeling and share inthe happiness. Just read her face, but I’m pretty sure she’ll be happy to hear!!
Post # 8
I wouldn’t feel guilty and I wouldn’t assume that she will be jealous of your wedding. It’s not like there’s a finite amoung of joy in this world. You friend can have great, wonderful memories of her wedding and still enjoy a friend’s wedding.
For example – I had a backyard wedding with VistaPrint invitations and plastic servingware and a DJ and no caligraphy and I’d be thrilled to go to a friend’s black tie, formal, expensive wedding! I had the wedding that i wanted (and a honeymoon that was almost twice the cost of the wedding). You have the wedding you want. Everyone wins.
So don’t gloat. But don’t feel guilty or feel like you need to hide things. She’s doing to be at the wedding right? I never talked about prices for wedding stuff with my friends just because I don’t usually talk prices about anything. But beyond that, feel free to have an awesome wedding and enjoy it!
Post # 9
To add….you don’t have to tell people how much stuff was. I don’t know why they would even ask. How old are they? If they’ve already had their wedding they aren’t planning so they don’t need to know. You can tell them you don’t know or just make up something. I just don’t understand why this should be an issue. One of my best friends got married the summer before me and her wedding didn’t have half as much. In no way was it worse (or better) and she didn’t care how much was spent on stuff for mine. It isn’t a competition.
Post # 10
I think there is a good chance that your friend will not care.
She probably thought about the (different) choices she was making and decided it was worth it to her to do it the way she did. She may not have cared about calligraphy, or a live band- or even real flowers.
I don’t see why you’d feel bad discussing it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Bullseye2014: We spent around $5K on our small, intimate beach wedding. Our friends are getting married next year and it’s going to be a $20K+ formal affair on an estate. We are not jealous at all because we threw the wedding we could afford and even if we could have spent that much, we most likely wouldn’t have thrown a big expensive wedding because it’s not our style. However, we are RIDICULOUSLY excited to celebrate their wedding and looking forward to the swanky event they are planning!
Post # 12
CanadianBride456: yes i also have friend who are struggling to make ends meet too and its rought talking thing about wedding with them thank you for understanding.
HBanan: No I dont think Djs are tacky and I used vistaprint for my save the dates so No judement here! I just dont want her to feel like im one upping her because i have gone to more ritzy events and not had as much fun as i did at her wedding.
FutureMrsJohnson_: Thanks! I always tell her how much fun i had at her wedding and how much i enjoyed her handwritten vows.
MrsYoshida: she doesnt look like she feels bad, but i always feel like i need an excuse as to why im doing A or B.
JenGirl: Thanks for understanding. yes shes going :D. i try not to tell anyone prices but they ask me and i feel akward and fib a bit :/
Post # 13
You might think it’s better. Your friend might not. Don’t be in such a hurry to assume you know what other people value. For all you know, your friend loved her more practical wedding to bits, and is loving her bank account even more.
Post # 14
gelaine22: they are late 20’s. I dont know why they feel the need to ask, but i always feel akward when they do.
plum_pudding: I hope so!
beachbride1216: Thats great to hear! I love going to all types of weddings and rarely turn down an opportunity to go to one 😀
Post # 15
Horseradish: I dont think its better, I loved her weding, I just dont want her to think im trying to one up her. or feel bad when she ask me about my wedding details and having to make excuses to why iI want what I want.