Feeling bad for having a "better" wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

i don’t understand this. It sounds like you really do think it’s “better” because it’s more money. Weddings are not better or worse for that reason. I had real flowers, a nice venue that does 1 wedding at a time that was over $200/plate, large honeymoon (Dubai/Maldives/Sri Lanka), seafood towers during cocktail hour, etc and I never ever once thought it was better for any of those superficial reasons…..

Post # 3
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Bullseye2014:  I hear what you’re saying. My situation is a little different as I’m one of the first of my friends to get married. But I have friends that are struggling financially, and I feel terrible talking about wedding things when I know they’re struggling just to pay the bills. I try and avoid talking about the price of things, or avoid telling them about certain aspects of it at all. It can be hard at times, and when I do talk about, they don’t seem jealous or offended at all. They seem interested and can’t wait! But like you, I still feel guilty. 

Post # 4
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Don’t feel guilty.

I could have had a band… I WANTED a DJ.

I wanted to decorate with moss and bird cages at my tables instead of flowers.

Just because you had different things doesn’t make it something that she would envy. 


Post # 5
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

She probably won’t care, especially now that she’s married. I don’t think that your wedding details will make her feel bad, unless you say things like, “Invitations without calligraphy are tacky,” or “DJ’s are the worst, and so we’re getting a band.” She probably enjoyed her wedding for what it was as a reflection of her and her SO, and will enjoy your wedding because it reflects you and your FI.

Post # 6
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Bullseye2014:  The cost of your wedding is no one’s business but yours and your FIs (and possibly whoever else is footing the bill). Just because you’re going to spend more on your wedding doesn’t mean that your friends will feel bad about theirs, a lot of people enjoy getting a good deal and don’t put priority on certain things (within a wedding, or a wedding in general). You said yourself that you loved her wedding and had a blast, she most likely feels the same way.

Post # 7
1806 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

Her wedding will (or should!) always be better than everyone else’s as that’s the wedding where she married the love of her life!! I think you’re overthinking. Plus many married ladies like to help/listen to wedding things to relieve the feeling and share inthe happiness. Just read her face, but I’m pretty sure she’ll be happy to hear!!

Post # 8
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t feel guilty and I wouldn’t assume that she will be jealous of your wedding. It’s not like there’s a finite amoung of joy in this world. You friend can have great, wonderful memories of her wedding and still enjoy a friend’s wedding. 

For example – I had a backyard wedding with VistaPrint invitations and plastic servingware and a DJ and no caligraphy and I’d be thrilled to go to a friend’s black tie, formal, expensive wedding! I had the wedding that i wanted (and a honeymoon that was almost twice the cost of the wedding). You have the wedding you want. Everyone wins. 

So don’t gloat. But don’t feel guilty or feel like you need to hide things. She’s doing to be at the wedding right? I never talked about prices for wedding stuff with my friends just because I don’t usually talk prices about anything. But beyond that, feel free to have an awesome wedding and enjoy it!

Post # 9
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

To add….you don’t have to tell people how much stuff was. I don’t know why they would even ask. How old are they? If they’ve already had their wedding they aren’t planning so they don’t need to know. You can tell them you don’t know or just make up something. I just don’t understand why this should be an issue. One of my best friends got married the summer before me and her wedding didn’t have half as much. In no way was it worse (or better) and she didn’t care how much was spent on stuff for mine. It isn’t a competition.

Post # 10
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016


I think there is a good chance that your friend will not care.

She probably thought about the (different) choices she was making and decided it was worth it to her to do it the way she did. She may not have cared about calligraphy, or a live band- or even real flowers.

I don’t see why you’d feel bad discussing it.

Post # 11
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Bullseye2014:  We spent around $5K on our small, intimate beach wedding.  Our friends are getting married next year and it’s going to be a $20K+ formal affair on an estate.  We are not jealous at all because we threw the wedding we could afford and even if we could have spent that much, we most likely wouldn’t have thrown a big expensive wedding because it’s not our style.  However, we are RIDICULOUSLY excited to celebrate their wedding and looking forward to the swanky event they are planning!

Post # 13
5769 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You might think it’s better. Your friend might not. Don’t be in such a hurry to assume you know what other people value. For all you know, your friend loved her more practical wedding to bits, and is loving her bank account even more.

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