Post # 1
My aunt and I are very close. She seems really excited for our wedding which is awesome but I can’t help but feel bad. My aunt has throat cancer which has completely taken away her ability to eat (she hasn’t consumed food in almost 10 years – can you imagine?!). She “eats” these protein shake type of things through a port in her stomach. She’s lived with this for long enough to the point where it doesn’t bother her anymore but I can’t help but feel bad since our entire wedding is focused around food that she can’t enjoy. When everyone else is eating their delicious dinners, she’ll just be sitting there watching them. Our wedding favors are mini apple pies that she obviously can’t eat then add in our canoli wedding cake and apple cider donut late night snack and the poor woman will probably be miserable.
I have made it a point to order her an apple pie candle (see below) that will be packaged in the same box as the mini apple pies for her favor but I wish I could do more. I asked her if there was anything special that I could arrange for her but she said no. Now, I don’t know if she’s just telling me that so I’m not bothered with it (which I would never be) or if she really doesn’t have any special requests. I just want her to have a good time and feel like her being there is appreciated but I don’t really know what else I can do.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? Any suggestions?
Post # 3
I don’t think you can do much if you already asked her, but I think it is really nice of you to go out of your way and get her a candle, yet making it blend in with the other favors.
Post # 4
Like you said, she has been dealing with this for 10 years. She is probably so used to it that it would be more than a passing thought. I am sure she will think “Oh that looks tasty” but I dont think it will ruin her time.
Think of all the events that are centered around food, birthday celebrations, Thanksgiving etc and she probably goes to them all every year.
Its really nice you got that candle. I am sure she will appreciate that.
Post # 5
Like the PP said, I think it is really nice that you went out of your way to get her a candle.
I think that since she said there is nothing else that can be done, she probably means it. But it probably means a lot to her that you even asked. So try not to feel bad.
Post # 6
That candle looks delicous! haha
I agree with the PP’s. Its really nice that you want to do something, but she is probably so used to it that its not something she thinks about much.
Post # 7
My dad’s uncle had cancer as well, and ended up having an operation where they put a hole in his throat (trachetomy?). He also can only drink, not really eat. Covers the hole to speak. He’s a great, fun guy and I’ve only ever known him this way. I don’t see him that often, but from what I can tell, he really doesn’t mind the rest of us enjoying food and such – he get pleasure from just watching us (and I imagine, to put it bluntly, being alive as opposed to the alternative). If you want to assist your aunt, perhaps make sure there is apple cider that she can drink, and your candle idea is great. Otherwise…I’d just suggest you leave it alone. If you make a big deal out of it, it may draw unwanted attention. And don’t forget, while *you* may see this wedding as being all about the food, it’s likely that others such as your aunt really just see this as a special time with family…
Post # 8
You’re probably right. The only thing she mentioned would be to sit her with people who know about her condition as it would be less awkward for her but she also said that it wasn’t necessary if it’s not possible. I already have her and my uncle seated with my cousins (their kids) and their SO’s so that’s not an issue. I’ll also offer her our bridal suite to use for when she needs to feed herself (I would hate for her to have to do that in the bathroom). I just wish I could do more but I honestly don’t think there is anything else to do.