Post # 1
LO is almost 10 weeks now. I enjoy him a lot but I find myself missing work. I’m trying to embrace the whole stay at home mom gig and do my best. I’m off for a full year. I’ve been trying to get into a bit of a routine – going to the gym some mornings, going for walks some afternoons, household chores etc. Some afternoons my LO breastfeeds for a quite a while and because he is not a great napper, sometimes I let him sleep on my lap. And then I watch TV shows on netflix.
Well last night, DH said we need to have a serious talk about my television watching. Background is that he is fairly against television in general. He only likes to watch sports and feels that in general it is a waste of time (however, he doesn’t mind spending hours surfing the web, sigh). So, he says he is very concerned about the baby listening to the television and he thinks the baby will absorb negativity from the shows I was watching. Now, I admit that I have been watching not great shows – mainly Orange is the New Black and now Weeds – there is a lot of cursing and yelling.
The whole conversation sent me into a tailspin and now I feel really down. I realize that I feel really bored and now feel like part of my entertainment has been taken away. I feel like he is constantly judging what I am doing as a SAHM – we’ve talked before about how he needs to stop telling me what I ‘should’ be doing – I should be doing more walking, I should put the baby in a wrap if I’m having trouble getting him to nap, I should let him cry more, I should stop eating bread to get rid of baby belly, I should join a mommy group, I should, should, should. The whole thing makes me feel inadquate and resentful that I have to do this because I’m the one with the boobs. I feel like he thinks he could do a better job.
Anwyway, I guess I’m just venting. Anyone else struggling with staying at home all day? I feel like I sit in this chair with him nursing or napping a huge part of each day. It is a struggle to get out of the house because he doesn’t nap well in the car and we live a 20 min drive from anywhere.
PS I know I’m incredibly lucky to have a year of mat leave. I know it. I’m grateful. And I love my husband very much. And my baby. I’m just feeling whiney.
Post # 2
Honestly, I feel like your DH is being really unfair. I think the lonliness and the feeling of being “cut off” you feel as a first-time SAHM gets really minimized, and he needs to take a step back. Yes, if you are neglecting your child to watch TV he should by all means say somehting. But at ten weeks he is not internalizing anything you watch, and you have a right to be comfortable when you BF. If watching TV helps that happen I don’t think he has a right to essentially ban you from it.
Post # 3
Hi from a mom watching The View with a napping 8 month old on my lap. I’m sorry, but if my DH was “shoulding” me the way that yours is, I would be extremely upset. It sounds like he needs to be left alone with the baby all day to see what it’s like for you, and he wouldn’t even have to experience the difficulties of BFing! He doesn’t sound like he is appreciating you at all.
He needs to let you parent your own way. I’m sure he won’t/doesn’t appreciate being told how he should parent, and he shouldn’t be doing that to you.
Post # 4
Maybe your DH should attempt to do what you do all day, and then see how many opinions he has to offer.
I think he’s being really unfair. he only likes to watch sports on TV, but wastes time on the internet with no problem?
He has lots of parenting tips? Has he tried to put those into action in real life?
I think he needs a kick in the pants.
What are you supposed to do while you sit there and breastfeed multiple times a day? Stare at the wall?
I’m really annoyed for you. This isn’t cool.
Post # 5
Post # 6
Um I would freak the eff out if my husband had told me I couldn’t watch tv on a year long mat leave! The baby doesn’t “absorb” anything at 10 weeks, and won’t even notice the tv for a long time. When my LO could see the tv, I just built a wall out of our couch and coffee table that she couldn’t see over! If tv is something that helps you pass the time (and it sure is for me) – and there is A LOT of time as a SAHM of one very young baby, then you should be able to watch it.
As an aside, I hate it when men think sports don’t “count” as tv – they are on tv and they serve the exact same purpose for them is Orange is the New Black does – an excuse to sit down and check out a bit.
Post # 7
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
Wow. That’s…unimpressive. They have ‘babes in arms’ session at my local cinema for many ‘grown up’ films, kids are unlikely to learn from this stuff when they are so young. He may be ‘right’ in that you may need more supports, like a ‘mommy group’ (a year is a long time, and babies are hard work), but he’s not exactly being supportive (and he’s your partner!). Perhaps you need to ‘have a serious talk’ about the attitude he is giving you and the support he is not giving you? >.>
I hope you’ve not stopped watching TV because he told you so O.o and a ban on bread? WTactualF?!
Post # 8
First of all, Hugs because I know exactly what you are going through. I am on maternity leave until September and I definitely feel bored and lonely somethimes when I am at home alone with my 11 week old. She is also a terrible napper and gets so cranky unless I nurse her. She used to do well in the car, but now she just cries and doesn’t go to sleep so we are stuck at home a lot. So we watch Netflix together. Mostly CSI and House. You should be able to do what you need to do to be happy. Could you maybe compromise and put one headphone in to watch something instead of having it play out loud?
Post # 9
Im sorry. I’ve been where you are and I have no real advice.
I would tell your DH to shove it on the TV issue. Ask him to stay home all day with a non-communitave baby and no mental stimulation and see how much he likes sitting in silence except for intermitten screaming. He’ll be begging for a distraction.
I couldn’t WAIT to get back to work. I took an extra 6 weeks off (went back at 18 weeks) and the whole time, I felt like a piece of me was dying. Some people just aren’t good stay at home parents. Both my son and I are much happier since I’ve been back to work and he’s in Daycare with people who interract with him all day.
P.S. – If the baby absorbes what you watch on TV when they’re an infant, my son is going to be a judge for SURE, because I watched Judge Judy and The People’s Court CONSTANTLY for 4 months!
Post # 10
Another thing, tell him to take his dietary suggestions and shove them where the sun don’t shine.
A breastfeeding mom needs a ton more calories to keep up on milk production. I was a ravenous monster in the early weeks of breastfeeding. My body REQUIRED food. I had no problem losing the baby weight in time, but you’re 10 weeks PP, your post-pregnancy body is not going to look like it did before baby.
The more I think about this, the more angry I get for you. Your DH needs a reality check.
Post # 11
envirobride: wtf??? at 10 weeks you are still just surviving. you do what you need to do to get through the day. breastfeeding a newborn is so f’ing hard. he really needs to cut you some slack. my son in 6 months old now and i just am feeling confident taking him out and about. he is on a pretty good schedule, which is really hard at 10w. your husband sounds like a know it all and kind of like a jerk. staring at the computer is not better than tv in any way. your baby isn’t learning aggression from these shows.
Post # 12
Wow, you are soooo not 7 years old. Watch tv if you want and if he really is concerned about the baby’s psyche, instead of just wanting to control you, wear headphones. Hang in there!
Post # 13
envirobride: First of all at 10 weeks old, your baby is not capable of “absorbing” anything other than noise from television. So to think that somehow a 10-week-old infant is learning swear words is just plan silly.
Second of all, you are still adjusting to life as a new mom. the fact that you are getting into a nice routine with a not-so-good napper is a huge accomplishment. And to tell you you shouldn’t be eating things to “lose” weight? You are breastfeeding! And going to the gym! Frankly I hope I am half as motivated as you are when I have my baby in a few weeks.
Your husband needs to back off and celebrate just how wonderful you are doing instead of focusing on ridiculous non-essential “issues.” Do you get on his back for not working hard enough? Or surfing the internet too long? What if what he’s looking at rubs off on the baby and causes all kinds of issues? Because that is just as silly as his arguments isn’t it? He needs to be your partner in this parenting business, not your warden!
Post # 14
Stop eating bread? No tv? Your husband sounds very controlling. I am a SAHM and my husband never criticizes what I do during the day. I would tell him to f-off! Ugh-makes me mad for you!
Post # 15
If that was my DH I would tell him to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Unless your DH steps in your shoes so to speak he needs to shut the f up. And learn how to help out more.
His kind of attitude bugs the crap out of me.